Steve Zaragoza
@stevezaragoza
Followers
140,556
Following
1,227
Media
4,892
Statuses
40,997
Hot Mexican comedian, actor, fartist. thestevezaragoza @gmail .com
Los Angeles
Joined November 2008
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look at what happens when you brighten sonic's face on the Sonic the Hedgehog poster
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Just yelled, “guys, food’s here!” into my empty apartment as I shut the door for the postmates guy who delivered the $30 of Taco Bell I ordered for myself this morning.
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here’s some free Disney Channel Original Movie titles:
1. Bella the Ball
2. Miss Behavior
3. Email Joey
4. Email Joey 2: You’ve got Male
5. Riley’s Period
6. Diana Diarrhea
7. Kevin Eleven
8. Dad Agency
9. Alexcalibur
10. Johnny Shark Fucker
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420? More like FOR-GET IT buddy! I’m high off the word of Jesus™️Christ©️ and his disciples John, Susan, Yelly Monster, and Pehtiehr Ulthorowauight - Tsalm 58:1-5 “The peoples shall not run please, just don’t run here. It’s very dangerous. Lots of rocks around. Careful. Amen.”
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Despite what it looks like, I’m a fully anxious, depressed, neurotic compulsive wreck almost every single day. I was born in 1982, and grew up during a very toxic time. I was taught to “be a man!” by countless authority figures, and at the same time witnessed awful male behavior
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The end of an era. Thank you to each and every one of you who supported our fun and weird shit for so many years. ❤
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Congrats to NowThis Nerd for almost hitting 1 million subs!
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Genuine thanks to
@PhillyD
for taking a shot on a bloated weirdo 5 yrs ago and kickstarting my career. I don't know where I'd be had you not
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BREAKING: privileged disgusting predator suggests voting for privileged disgusting predator
Today’s the day.
Vote for Trump and preserve America, end cancel culture - and stand against fascism.
Or vote for Biden, and we walk away from this American experiment forever.
This election is life and death for this country, and for freedom.
Gl hf.
#Trump2020
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Logan Paul has proven that awful children with ZERO respect for other cultures and nationalities have no business being in a position of power and given endless visibility for an entire generation of developing minds. We already have one of those in the White House.
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Congrats to
@StevenSuptic
and the whole
#SP7
team! Original/funny underdogs! You guys truly earned this arguably meaningless award!
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I can’t wait for everyone to be disappointed by this and then never talk about it again.
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the first guy to walk on eggshells was like “OMG this is JUST LIKE dealing with sensitive people or situations!”
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I’ve never broken a bone in my life. Because I’m careful. And scared of absolutely everything. And I’ve never had fun.
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Pickle Rick is funny, but when the show says it. Not really when anyone else other than the show says it. Cool?
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FALL GUYS MISSED CONNECTIONS: I was a burger, you were a pigeon. We held each other during the ENTIRETY of the HOARDERS match. The entire round. Chaos all around us. It didn’t matter. What we had was intimate, wonderful.
@FallGuysGame
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If I had a dollar for every time I found out in 2017 a friend is an actual piece of shit I’d have 5 bitcoin.
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The scariest ending to this season of Black Mirror would be if it just cut to a live feed of everyone currently watching the show alone, surrounded by all the empty halo top ice cream containers and skinny pop crumbs all up in your beard and all over your disgusting body Steve
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@chrissyteigen
But... "coverage" and then what? He just stopped at "covfefe" and tweeted that. It's hilarious Chrissy. HE'S THE PRESIDENT
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So I got covid, because people suck. I’m almost completely through it, feeling better every day. Took this entire week off to SLEEP and OD on vitamins and liquids. I got lucky, I’m vaccinated, and WAS VERY CAREFUL. Can happen to anybody. GET. VACCINATED.
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And now, an AI transforming a woman’s face into Bumblebee, set to Johnny Cash’s Hurt
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2016 just took my last grandma from my family. So done with this shitfuck year. RIP Martha Zaragoza.
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Feeling sad, defeated, and helpless. There are people with feelings just like you behind tough decisions. Please don’t forget that. Please understand.
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HEY. Is your friend legit a creep and an asshole? CALL👏🏼THEM👏🏼OUT👏🏼 AND👏🏼STOP👏🏼LETTING👏🏼THEM👏🏼 GET👏🏼AWAY👏🏼WITH👏🏼ABUSE👏🏼
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Imagine if Toy Story 3 came out in theaters and it made ZERO SENSE because you didn’t watch Toy Story 1.5: Dreams of Whispers, Toy Story 2.2 & 3/4: Hearts of Minds, and Toy Story 2 Final 1.7 Mix: Hands of Shadows ReMix.
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The summer, where you can eat a hot dog and maybe... see a full titty.
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Star Wars has me. Forever. I’ll never not feel like a happy and excited child after watching a new Star Wars trailer.
#TheLastJedi
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can I get this machine to do this to my nipples?
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I’ve peaked. There are PIZZAS named after ME AND MY DUMB THINGS!!!!! AND THEY HAVE TO YELL THEM OUT REAL LOUD WHEN PEOPLE ORDER THEM! I’M DONE. THAT’S IT.
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I would be alone forever if girls didn’t fall for boys who dress like this
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Just watched the first cut of the new Santa Steve and holy shit you guys aren’t ready for this one. Santa’s about to get cancelled.
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Everyone looping this Yanny/Laurel shit gonna wake up Cthulhu
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Universal Studios Hollywood is 70% escalators and 30% fun
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"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's covfefe!"
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your guns are an easily accessible mass murder tool. Period. I don’t care how fun it is to legally shoot at things. This shit needs to stop. Get over your pride and let’s end this together.
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Some people don't like Game of Thrones because of dragons/magic, and that makes me sad for how boring their lives must be.
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Hi, I officially hate seeing my friends get shit on for “not opening up sooner” about a serial abuser. These are people who were mentally and physically tortured by a scarily manipulative and powerful sociopath. RESPECT THE HEALING PROCESS! HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES!
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CONFIRMED: the sequel to GET OUT will be called AND STAY OUT
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My ex is cooler than yours!
Here are some SFW selects from my Obscenes From an Italian Restaurant Patreon shoot! NSFW pics will be rolling out this week! Find them here:
#foodporn
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I hate it when a kid starts laughing in the theater just because everyone else is. Fuck you Brandon you don’t get it
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I went into the
@sourcefed
office today to try and make a news video but
@MrWilliamHaynes
took all the cameras and computers.
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This was such a surreal moment in my life. What a ride this has been!
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I can’t believe we got to do this stupid
@dynamicbanter
bit on TV. Special thanks to
@mikefalzone
for co-creating the mechanical abomination that is Robot Doctor!
@TheValleyfolk
🤖
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WILL SMITH AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS. YOU GUYS DIDN’T KNOW?! WEIRD.
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Twitch is officially recommending you MUTE THE GAME to avoid DMCA takedowns. MUTE THE GAME. On their GAME STREAMING PLATFORM.
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the cdc just announced you have to give me some of your french fries
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But ONLY if you are fully willing to rewrite your programming and WORK harder than you ever have in your entire fucking life for it. Despite my hardships, daily struggles/stresses and mental illness, I still work hard EVERY DAY to be a better person. And I will never stop. Ever.
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Examples of actual irl magic:
-finding $20 in an old jacket
-perfectly timed fart
-onion ring(s) in french fry order
-twins (dark magic)
-the escalator for shopping carts in Target
-zero crud on the wipe
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RIP to the man who taught me how to wear hats. Antonio Ramirez ❤️
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“THE DARK LORD INSISTS YOU DRINK COCA-COLA™️ GRRBLBLBRLBRL!!”
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y’all love Kathryn Hahn NOW, but 6 years ago, she and I fell madly in love on the red carpet:
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yall nerds noticing a modern coffee cup in Game of Thrones freak me out. I can barely follow the story, kids out here looking at the tables during important scenes
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