G
@stevensongs
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What I don’t know, I make up. Couple skills. Seen things. Done stuff. Friend not foe. Here for laughs. Not adding days to my life, but life to my days.
Los Angeles
Joined April 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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two dudes wearing Tesla caps just rolled up and knocked my Quiznos sandwich out of my hand and yelled "This is Twitter country!" do you see what hell you've wrought,
@elonmusk
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Yoko Ono is threatening to add her music to Spotify over Joe Rogan.
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There was a protestor in the liberated zone at
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"I myself have always been for lowering the voting age to 16. I think it's really important to capture kids when they're in high school, when they're interested in all of this...”
~ Nancy Pelosi
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14 days to flatten the perv
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@FollowWIN
@guardian
@abc4utah
Will you show the public where you live, so people can knock and ask you a few questions about this story?
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I almost died in a shark attack — now I’m pregnant with my first child
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The quickest way to eradicate the Wuhan Flu is to find it's old offensive tweets.
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I put a pistol on a brace, and when it turned into a gun with a higher-caliber, a higher-caliber bullet came out of that gun and made this hole in 26inch steel.
BIDEN: "Made it harder for people buy stabilized brief— braces. Put a pistol on a brace, it turns into a gun, makes it more, you can have a higher-caliber weapon, higher-caliber bullet coming out of that gun." 🤔
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You better have thick skin here, kid. This ain't no Facebook page where your mommy likes all your food posts.
#AdviceForPeopleJoiningTwitter
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A.J. Delgado on her way to Harvard every morning
Yep. And when I, or others, who spend THREE YEARS in freezing Boston, away from our families, not sleeping, grinding to class.. say "Wait a minute..." it's all, "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH?"
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There was a protestor in the liberated zone at
@UCLA
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The Cosmo
In other news…King Charles unveiled the first official portrait of himself today.
It’s untitled…anyone have one?
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Who is the greatest fictional driver of all time?
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@mashable
“Harold, it suddenly feels like we’re moving awfully fast. It also sounds much louder. Be a dear and take peep out the tent and see where we are now.”
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The AR-15 was invented in Area 51 and based on a weapon found on a crashed alien spacecraft. AR is an abbreviation for "Alien Rifle", or "Area". 15 is 51 reversed. That was done to confuse the commie Russkies.
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There was a study that said humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I think it's true, because I've never eaten a monkey.
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If you could spare a prayer and good vibes for my ma. She's going to the ER right now. Thanks, folks.
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Alec Baldwin
Name a director who in your opinion "is the one one who never misses"
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are we allowed to draw pictures of Brandon, or will that incite a holy war?
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I ordered a Thesaurus, but when it arrived the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe my anger.
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Today I went to my favorite smoke shop only to discover it's now an apparel store.
Clothes, but no cigar.
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My daddy was a canned cranberry sauce man, and his daddy before him, and his daddy before him. All the way back to my great-great-grandaddy pilgrim at the very first Thanksgiving. I come from a long line of canned cranberry sauce men. I'm a canned cranberry sauce man.
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I still own my Grandpa's coke spoon that FDR was handing out back in the Great Depression times.
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Joe Biden just forgave the debt on my Columbia House Record Club loan.
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if your grocery bills are increasing, just eat at restaurants more.
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Psst! I think it's the Ayatollah. Should we wake the boss, or can I just say "Don't" and hang up?
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