Starting to see thighs on campus again

A sophomore asked for my number yesterday

never date a girl who’s been with a pro athlete because what if he gets traded to your favorite team?

the banana muffins are burning a hole in my pantry

Date party with a girl I actually care about tonight.

got a strap on me no lesbo

game over jihad

jewish girls that look asian>>>

you can’t domesticate a wild animal man

okay but the stripper has to love someone. right?

the only things that will enter my body today are boneless wings and beer

We can’t choose where we come from. But we can chose where we come

i wonder what happened to the girl that let me crack on my twin bed without sheets

Date girls that are actually interested in being girlfriends, you people are suffering for trying to domesticate wild animals

I asked my wife if she'd jack me off for Valentine's. She didn't answer, just kept watching Beast Games on mute. Then like three minutes later she farted so loud our dog ran under the bed.

Kd really called booker the next hitler, Jabari smith a r*tard & kyrie a bisexual witch doctor

I can go a whole week and see only 1 or 2 "hot" women. But every single man I see at the supermarket right now could be a ranked chad, a frame-mogger, a jestergooner...

https://t.co/zMxZptARIt

love was not in the air last night. cancun isn’t ready for me

eating mexican food before drinking always sounds like a good idea until your stomach starts speaking spanish #deport