Monkey D. Dumbass
@sluttycigarette
Followers
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Following
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Media
290
Statuses
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Joy Boy & Joke Teller
222 Stupid street
Joined August 2021
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Pinned Tweet
Male friend: hey dude wanna get a beer later
Mail friend: hey dude here’s your package can you sign for it
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Damn lmao
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This is a they/them conversation, she your way out
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Anyone wanna live in the abandoned baskin robbins with me?
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I’m in Alaska and somehow just met a guy from Evansville and his mom lives on the same street as me
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I’m way too high to be seein midgets at the gas station
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These cats just asked me for a dollar and a cigarette
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Idk bro have you tried having fun before?
You know people aren’t having kids anymore and the fertility rate is nonexistent when they make play places for adults
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First date idea: try watching Passion of the Christ together
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Turned on king of the hill in the sushi place you know it’s lit now🔥🔥
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Told my boss I took an edible at work and they gave me a promotion?
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Last night I took 2 grams of shrooms and watched all my mortal flesh fall apart in the wind like ash off a burning log
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Stew master of the bar last night stirring the stew with a boat oar
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Imma drink this pickleball cocktail and forget about u <\3
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It’s Max Monday Motherfuckers!!!! Hit that MAX button if you live your life to the MAX!!!!
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I’m officially announcing my 2023 goals!!😃
1: workout more frequently
2: read at least 10 books
3: Shoplift at least 30,000 Mr. Beast chocolate bars
I’m asking everyone to hold me accountable while I continue to try and change my life for the better!😊
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Okay Fazolis, only $20? I may have judged you too harshly
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If this ever happened to me I’d delete all my social media fr
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Reading Bram Stokers Dracula on the bus and nodding my head so everyone knows I’m a vampire
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Sportsmans
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I’m so cool my friends call me “the refrigerator”
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Billy appreciation post! She makes my days a bit brighter!
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Can I come over and rub my belly like I’m really full and it was tasty
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I had a dream I got a free Xbox 360 last night it was awesome
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Thinking about renting this from the library, is it any good?
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After 5 years of saving up and working every single day, even missing family events and birthdays, I was finally able to afford my dream home!🏡🔑
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5 real jobs I’ve had
-parkour athlete
-photographer
-Mental Health tech
-GM of therapeutic company
-selling jewelry in alaska
I could put stupid stuff instead, but I think my real job history is even funnier
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If I take just 2 more road-trips I will have visited 49/50 states then it’s time to figure out how to backpack across Europe or SE Asia next year
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Last month I was so high I made mac and cheese and then put that on a digiorno pizza and I really felt like I had mastered the culinary arts
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The gas station by my house is like the mf club fr
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Crying and deleting my TikTok about my hamburger helper dinner due to this comment
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Her: “come over”
Me: “aww but I just bought the real life grind boots from Ratchet & Clank”
Her: “I’ll suck your di-”
Me:
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When I was 16 my buddy and I would sit in the garage with the car on taking huge bong rips and it wasn’t until like 3 years after when we realized why we would get so high when we did that
if youre out of weed you can get high by sitting in your car turned on in the garage
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Uh guys.. is your dentist supposed to touch your penis?
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This is so fuckin funny
My uncle bought this tv from a crackhead so why he turn it on and it’s the sonic menu 😭
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I’m gonna have my grandkids force feed me weed till I die
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The time changed while I was smoking weed last night and I thought I unlocked the ability to time travel
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Idgaf if Evansville is the best spot to see the eclipse y’all stay the hell outta my town!
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Just had an interview with the news, hopefully I don’t look stupid!!🙏🙏
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No way
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Riding around in this with 40’s in the cup holders
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Hello 911?? Yeah I just hit the dab pen too many times can you come hold my hand?
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Me after smoking weed for the first time
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I have never asked a woman about her body count because I’m not an insecure loser
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