god forbid men have hobbies

Is it just me or does gas taste way better at stations where they don’t have food and the attendant is neither conscious nor fluent in any language at all.

Will you come after people who touch kids.

The One Where Mutuals Get Tipsy At a Grocery Store Bar @l_skell @juliashrek

RT @stepheniscowboy: I went on my concussion boyfriend's sports podcast and announced my new album Liz

RT @juliashrek:

Maybe it’s a good thing she didn’t do podcasts

LOML thank you darling

RT @Tyre_94: Microdosing womanhood by letting a man who is 5’9 with his shoes off dictate my mental health for a few months.

You know what’s really up are those shoulder pads. Time to get a new stylist, girlfriend.

Maybe young people would start going to church again if they served cold coors lite instead of Jesus’ blood and let fans do the wave in the congregation.

Lowkey I bet the first pour when getting waterboarded on a scorching Baghdad afternoon felt so good.

Dicks used to be named Guy.

When I was a freshman in high school I got the aux in the weight room during gym class and played shit my crush liked and a junior loudly stated “this playlist fuckin blows” and everyone laughed. I still have Vietnam flashbacks everytime the jingle sounds when I connect to a JBL.

Bowling billionaire.

RT @UweBollocks:

Don’t make me count to three type beat.

Anthony Bourdain had to be getting paid by Big Mortadella bc no one would be pumping that slop if they’d ever had an ice cream sandwich.

You either are incredibly insecure and feel the need to “claim your woman” or have a big steamy dump in your pants if you think this is cuck behavior. Every smart couple does this.

RT @DannyDeraney: Before Sydney Sweeney, women were terrified to wear denim. Until now. Thank you Sydney. Because of you, women can wear….

My girlfriend and I are sitting at a bar and some dude next to her is hitting on her and offering to pick up the tab so I’m gonna be a good bf and scroll the bird and drink for free. Teamwork makes the dream work. As God intended.