eyereen ₍•̀ 🐽•́ ₎ 🎗
@simpingboisinc
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thank you technoblade ❤️ || pfp by @Clint_Oriel ||
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Thread of (most) of my HCs and AUs || 🐷
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I cant believe the Techno-Quackity duo is called prey duo, when they couldve been Alex Squared the whole time
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Thinking about the two Technoblade quotes that absolutely changed my life:
“It’s not time wasted if you had fun.”
“The key to being confident was just to fake it. FOREVER.”
Best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten. The moment I’m old enough, I’m getting the first one tattooed.
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ranboo just getting adopted and only knowing enderman language, so techno just sits with him every night with flashcards, teaching him english— only thing— hes an english major— so he just teaches ranboo words like “plethora” and “aquiver”, so 5 year old ranboo talks like a nerd
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I want to go on twitter and declare we were getting techno crumbs today. I want to be in livechat, counting down until the stream starts. I want to tweet every mcc team announcement that “Techno will be in this one”. But i cant and i hate it so much. I dont want him to be gone.
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sbi au where mumza is the boys daycare teacher and the moment they met her, they instantly knew they wanted her as their stepmum.
mumza: hello, i will be taking car—
tommy: MY DADZA HAS A LOT OF MONEY
mumza: huh 😀
wilbur: AND NO WIFE
techno, quietly: but hes looking
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Kidnapper: i have your son.
Phil: which one?
Kidnapper: uhh he wont stop talking about bombs?
Phil: do you have any idea how little this narrows it down?
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coincidentally, techno and ranboo are literally the same ppl. i see why philza minecraft.
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Read your summer reading: ❌❌❌❌❌❌❌
Read multiple 100k word fics in one sitting: ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅
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I just know God is quaking in his sandals right now.
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Techno was probably excited to see twitters reaction to how he took the anti Technoblade meme from a couple months back and made it canon in dsmp. This sucks so much, he had so much planned.
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Still can’t believe Technoblade’s been gone for 20 days now. Still feels unreal sometimes. I miss him a lot.
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I keep flipping between being slightly happy at old Technoclips to absolute devastation when I remembered there wont be new ones. He wasn’t supposed to go yet.
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apparently ranboo is a hopeless romantic. techno’s favorite genre is rom-com. so just imagine a 8 feet tall enderman and a huge ass pig both sitting on a couch, watching romantic movies and geeking out
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Au where 15 year old Wilbur gets bullied at school and hides it so he doesnt worry his 11 year old brother, Techno. But then one day, his bullies tried to beat him up outside his house. So Techno saw this, marched outside, and started beating the shit out of boys twice his size.
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I forgot my new friend’s name and have been pretending I didnt for the past few weeks by calling him a nickname. Today he just confessed he didnt know what my name was.
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I miss him. I can’t watch any videos with his voice because it makes me want to cry.
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dream 🤝 techno
-6’3 and white
-minecraft god
-bully tommy
-couldve had an english
degree
-friends with a 24 year old
british man
-no official face reveal
-please stream
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ranboo and techno get along so well bc ranboo is enderman and hates eye contact and techno is crossed eyes so he cant eye contact if he tried.
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ranboo and techno: :(
👑 👑
O 🐷
/|\ /|\
/ | \ / | \
/ \ / \ phil: THEY ASKED
/ \ / \ FOR NO PICKLES
/ \ / \ 읏
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Everyday i think about how Techno was first chair violin, had a really high iq, was a 4.0 student, self taught himself piano and Portuguese, was a soccer player, was a very good fencer, self taught himself for college exams, all while balancing a successful youtube career.
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-6’3 🤢 -6’6 🤩
-old 👴🏻👴🏻 -16 and strong 😍
-taped glasses -cool shades! 😎
-dumb pig ❌ -ENDERMAN!
-SAYS NO -WOULDNT DO
TO FD AU! THAT!!
RANBOO>>>THE OTHER GUY
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Remembering that time when c!Techno hid c!Tommy in a box from Dream, and Tommy just kept eating apples so you could just hear him in the background while Techno and Dream talked.
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still thinking abt tubbo and ranboo’s platonic marriage. imagine tubbo meeting the parents and its just technoblade glaring him down.
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Having a good day until you remember “if I had another 100 lives, I’d choose to be Technoblade every single time.”
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MY LITTLE COUSIN WHOS A DREAM STAN, JUST TEXTED ME “if he can beat dream, he can beat cancer” MANN IM NEVER BULLYING THIS KID AGAIN
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think about being ranboo. watched techno for years. started a channel inspired by him. grow a million in a few months. JOIN A SERVER AND PLAY ALONGSIDE HIM. HE LAUGHS AT UR JOKES AND CALLS HIMSELF UR SENSEI. ranboo lived a y/n life and this is a fact.
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Phil, texting Techno: hey, can you watch Tommy for me?
Techno: i would kill a man with my bare hands, then jump into a pit of lava, letting the blazes of hell swallow me alive for you.
Phil: is that a yes…?
Techno: no. I will not watch Tommy.
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the syndicate looking all menacing, but it ends up becoming a tea party every week bc niki and ranboo wont stop bringing sweets and techno wont stop eating them. imagine techno saying some ominous shit, before slowly biting into a cupcake and giving ranboo a thumbs up.
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If dsmp server gets resetted i would be crushed bc there would be no traces of Techno there and that makes me distressed
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Me, walking into a room of Techno stans: wow ive never seen so many people with academic validation problems in one place
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Techno is the type of person to help you bury a body but complain about it the whole time.
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Au where Phil mistakes grim reaper Techno coming for his soul as the new babysitter who’s supposed to look after his son Tommy.
Techno: your time is up—
Phil, fuming, pushing Tommy into his arms: NO, MY TIME IS WASTED! You were supposed to be here an hour ago!
Techno: what
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Au where Techno runs a cover flowershop that’s actually a blackmarket. Phil owns the cafe next door. He heard that Techno has no family (cover story), so he decides to look after him. He gets worried when scary looking people (Techno’s clients) visit the flowershop late at night.
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Au where Techno is a math genius who dropped out of school to work bc his brother, Wilbur, is sick. He works at a cafe, where everyday, a highschooler named Tommy would come in to do his hw. Its just Tommy is so bad at math, that he ends up crying on his hw every time. 1/2
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The sexist guy in my class just got his girlfriend stolen by a girl he was sexist to a couple weeks ago 😭😭 im so dead
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pictures of rivals duo babysitting bench trio, a thread (ft.wilbur)
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SO YALL KNOW HOW PIGLINS LOVE GOLD??? AU WHERE PIGLIN TECHNO FOLLOWED PHIL HOME FROM THE NETHER CAUSE HE THOUGHT PHIL’S HAIR WAS GOLD
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DSMP ends and its just karl closing a book, asking you if u liked the story.
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Phil: what does the sheep say?
Tommy: baaa
Phil: what does the cow say?
Tommy: mooo
Phil: okay, what does the pig say?
Tommy: Tommy, youre only still alive because youre Phil’s son. You can live. For now. Count your days child.
Phil: …
Phil: TECHNO GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW
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Wilbur posts a picture of a bunch of hot girls inside Techno’s house. We’re all shocked, “Technoblade actually has bitches?? What timeline is this??” Then we find out theyre all Floof’s dates. Techno remains bitchless. The universe realigns.
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Yall ever been in a fandom where u never actually watched/played a single episode/game of it, but u watched some clips, read some fanfics, saw some tiktoks, and just decided blend right in?
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Not a connoisseur on hair color but that man IS A BRUNETTE
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Syndicate trying to make Techno smile bc hes always so stone-faced and they want to see him grin. They try everything from jokes to gifts, but none of it works. Until Techno sees an old picture of Tommy in a turtle hat and the saddest, bitterest smile just crosses his face.
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au where wilbur constantly confesses the dumbest shit to his pet pig (techno) bc he knows “he’ll never judge him”. then one day, he visits techno as usual n tells him that he wants to marry a fish n at that, techno just goes “alright thats enough, why the fuck would u do that 😐”
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Au where new kid Ranboo accidentally sits at scary delinquent Techno’s lunch table. Techno, sees this nervous, terrified kid, and instead of being angry like everyone expects hed be, just glows in happiness because this is the first time someones willingly sat with him before.
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Au where Tommy can see ghosts but pretends not to so they dont bother him. But then, one day a grouchy spirit named Techno shows up. And he keeps accidentally making Tommy laugh with his antics.
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I would sell a liver for Technofanart where he has a dangling earring on one ear.
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Technoblade still has the cutest minecraft skin.
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Au where Techno is super polite and literate when he speaks English, but when he speaks piglin, he curses like a sailor, uses a ridiculous amount of slang, and drawls literally everything.
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Au where brothers Wilbur and Tommy go to the same school. Wilbur is a teacher and Tommy is a student. They’re both a mess.
Tommy: WILBUR GET UP! WE’RE AN HOUR LATE!
Wilbur, grumbling: go away, i already got my diploma
Tommy: WILBUR YOURE MY TEACHER
Wilbur, jumping up: OH SHIT
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Au where Ranboo has a weird sense of taste and because of it, becomes the only person who can eat Techno’s terrible cooking.
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Au where Techno pranks his twin Wilbur by telling him the most popular girl in school, Sally, likes him. Sally overhears this, and the next day, comes to Techno, absolutely gobsmacked, asking him how he found out Wilbur was her childhood crush.
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Au where the royal family is cursed with insomnia, so they capture siren Wilbur to sing them to sleep every night. Wilbur hates them all— at least until the innocent, youngest prince Tommy begins going to him everyday and thanking him for “giving me sweet dreams”.
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Techno: TOMMY, I KNOW YOU STOLE POTATOES FROM MY GARDEN!! YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH AND I WILL SCATTER YOUR REMAINS—
Tommy: what?! That was Phil!
Techno: … phil did? Oh, he must’ve been hungry ☺️
Tommy: IM SENSING SOME UNFAIRNESS HERE
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WE’VE HEARD OF SENSEI DIES AND STUDENT GOES NUTS BUT HAVE U MET STUDENT DIES AND SENSEI GOES NUTS
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dream deleted the vod tweets. that means one day, the new ppl in bedtimetwt will hear about this fake vlog, and not have any proof it existed. theyd just have to take our word for it. for all they know, it could be an inside joke. the new ppl will be confused. and we will laugh.
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Technoblade changed my life. He helped me through one of the roughest periods of my life. I will forever be grateful for everything he’s done. Rest in peace ❤️❤️❤️
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Au where Phil is 100% sure two of his three sons (Techno n Tommy) are serial killers. He does everything to make sure his eldest, Wilbur, stays being a law-abiding citizen. What he doesnt realize is both Techno n Tommy are actually goody-two shoes and Wilbur is the serial killer.
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Techno: tell her you have beautiful eyes
Phil, confused: i have beautiful eyes
Techno: NO YOU IDIOT—
Kristin, whose been waiting to compliment his eyes for months, blushing furiously: yeah you really do.
Techno: ???
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Au where Techno runs a laundromat that is incidentally next to the biggest villain apartment complex in the city. It’s in New York, so no one has their own washing machine. All of Techno’s customers are villains who come in to get blood and chemical off their costumes.
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thinking about todays stream, where techno was dropping golden carrots to distract ranboo from the egg. what if bc hes a piglin, who gets easily distracted by gold, he thinks itll work on ranboo too?
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School Au where Tommy always comes in with the cutest lunches. Like mini sandwiches, animal-shaped fruits lunch. Everyone always assumed some pretty lady made it for him— until one day, buff, tatted Techno showed up during lunch, explaining how he “had no time to cut the fruits”.
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Au where Phil is a depressed guy working at a gas station, going through a rough time. Today, a small, pink haired kid approached him with a bouquet of roses. He claims to be a shaman and that “the ghost behind me right now has a big crush on you.”
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au where techno is mumza’s son, wilbur is phil’s son. they are doppelgängers. then at the airport one day, phil accidentally takes techno n mumza takes wilbur. they dont notice until the planes take off. so they get eachothers numbers from their sons and agree 1/2
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Au where Techno purposely makes terrible rumors about himself bc he wants people not to talk to him. But then, his classmate Tommy finds out his real personality one day (after seeing him rescuing a cat) and is determined to clear his name, not knowing Techno likes it that way.
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au where phil is in the army and his captain is terrifying, prodigy, 15 year old techno. phil (and everyone else) is really fucking scared of him bc what kinda child is a literal warlord? hes super intimidated— until one day techno asks him for help on homework.
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That sadness I just experienced when I realized there wont be any anticipating for Techno mcc this time
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“dream is doing it for money”, yeah so are other youtubers, singers, actors. its called a job u titty-faced fuck. this is like saying a cashier should only be doing their job bc they like helping ppl bag fucking veggies. its not damn calculus, he entertains ppl, they pay him.
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Au where 8 year old Wilbur keeps trying to trick orphanage director Phil into letting him adopt Techno and Tommy.
Phil: so youre Mr. Winston, a 40 year old man that works at a construction site?
Wilbur, 4 feet tall, scrawny, with a fake mustache: yes.
Phil: go home Wilbur.
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Tommy, opening his arms for a hug: my love language is physical touch
Techno, confused: *punches and knocks him out*
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Kristin: youre such a great father!
Phil: oh, Techno is not actually my son! 😅
Later that night:
Techno, sobbing to Dream: AND THEN, HE DISOWNED ME ☹️☹️
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Au where Tommy is the kid that doodles comics on all his tests. Techno is the teaching assistant in charge of grading the tests who starts getting really invested in his story. He even leaves little commentary on the side of the margin.
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Au where Tommy is a weak god. He saves the life of mercenary Techno one day, and Techno becomes Tommy’s only follower. Tommy has no idea that Techno is the strongest warrior alive, capable of taking on heaven, so he just babies him bc hes so excited by having a follower.
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Au where Phil is to be executed under imperial law after being accused as a witch. Only, a day before his execution, he is approached by prince Techno. Techno is deathly allergic to dogs, but he really wants to pet one, so he agrees to help Phil escape if he can “unallergic” him.
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Tommy blue eyes but theyre kinda creepy and light up in the dark. Like Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy, hiding in a dark closet from Phil after they broke a vase or something, and Techno turns around to see 🧿👄🧿 staring right at him.
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Au where God Phil sends his disciples Techno and Wilbur down to Earth to give them a break from work. They misunderstand and thought Phil told them to conquer everything. Phil comes down a century later, to recollect his boys and just sees the world on fire.
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Scene with Techno’s voices, except Techno is dying on a battlefield and the voices are slowly dispersing. Until the last one remains. Techno telling it to run along and leave him here, but the voice stays by his side until the end so Techno doesn’t have to die in silence alone.
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Wilbur: would you love me if i was a worm?
Techno, who loves animals more than people: bro i would love you MORE
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Au where prince Techno fakes his death so that he can safely pass the throne to his little brother Tommy and prevent civil war. He thought everything would be peaceful after that. But then, the court never announced his death and instead brought in a doppelgänger (Wilbur).
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Phil: i love all my boys equally!
Also Phil: good morning, Techno and not-Technos.
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Au where Ranboo wants to befriend Tommy, so he auditions for a minor tree role in the school musical in an attempt to get closer to him. Only, he ends up as the lead, the exact role Tommy was aiming for.
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bitches will say “add more poc in dsmp!” and “add more women!” as if they actually watch those streamers. like ur just gonna watch tommyinnit anyways???
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technoblade knows greek mythology, watches anime, and is an english major. yeah we’re getting angst.
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My grandpa in China just died from leukemia. My mom isnt allowed to leave the country until my brother turns 21. She hasnt seen her father in 19 years but would’ve in 2. She had to watch them close his casket on a video call. Fuck cancer. I’m devastated.
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the reason why dsmp karl is so carefree is bc he knows nothing matters. hes a time traveller and hes seen the dsmp people reincarnate time and time again. hes seen them fall, succeed, die. hes seen tubbo as robin, tommy as theseus. it doesnt matter. the cycle always repeats.
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if yall were ccs would u read fanfics abt urself or would u be too scared?
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My immigrant father’s “English” name is James, but he pronounces it as “Jame” bc he doesn’t understand why it’s plural.
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Tommy: i spent hours on this card for Wilbur’s birthday!
Techno: … do you take constructive criticism?
Tommy: no.
Techno: this is really bad.
Tommy, choking up: I SAID NO
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That adhd thing where a minor inconvenience throws u completely off your task. I was about to sweep my floor but then I realized I left the swifter upstairs and immediately lost all motivation to clean.
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just realized something: dsmp techno said that dsmp tommy didnt even have to join him in blowing shit up, he couldve sat out. this pretty much means he just wanted tommy around, he didnt even have to be useful. FUCK. TECHNO JUST WANTED A FRIEND.
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au where techbur twins were supposed to be triplets but techno ate the third one. so whenever the twins get into an argument, techno just goes “i ate the wrong mf. i shouldnt have spared u.”
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Wilbur: great news, Sally and I are getting back together!
Techno, who already smashed her car and drove it into the ocean after he heard Wilbur crying: So promise u wont get mad—
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au where instead of sally being dead, she and wilbur are just divorced but wilbur keeps making it sound like she died.
wilbur: if only sally were here to see me now…
fundy: mom said to stop mentioning her in your villain monologues
wilbur: WELL TELL HER SHES A BITCH
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