Shane Daniel Byrne
@ShaneDanByrne
Followers
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follow me on insta. i’m crap at twitter. Comedian. | Rep @aviarytalent for live & @collab_agency for online/social insta @shanedanbyrne he/him (bit bald)
Joined October 2011
The way the dentist just says “now that’s €675” as if that’s a normal thing to say.
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When Grandad says your picture is the bees knees and goes to put it on the fridge.
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In solidarity with Enoch I am going to try enter the staff room at Dundrum Cinema where I worked for a month in 2007. Just waiting for my dad now.
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I did not know fancy restaurant meal kits meant that you had to cook it yourself. I can’t cook this food. This is not a nice treat. This is a chore. An €80 chore.
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Irish person .“antigen te. ”. Irish person who lives in UK.“THEY GIVE THEM OUT FREE OVER HERE OMG”.
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There is not a better winter solstice tweet.
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Oh Jesus. I want to cry on the bus. The last bus. I thought I’d credit on the leap. NO. it was minus. I started the shameful ‘turn around to get off’ manoeuvre to walk home when the guy behind me goes “don’t worry man I’ll get it”. He paid “2.15, two of them”. EVERYONE BE KIND.
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I meant we should pick this up in January 2024. Sorry if that was unclear. Best,.
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Sometimes when I clean something I return to it to have a little look at it. I cleaned the bath this morning and have popped back in a few times to take in the splendour.
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How about a public holiday holiday every Friday for the rest of our lives because we live in the fucking future and don’t need to work 5 days.
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My cousin’s husband is in the army and she text me and they are being prepped to storm the Free Now offices. Free now staff are being moved to Citywest hotel for their safety.
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Naked with shoes is somehow more naked than without shoes.
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Would have thought they got on. They have plenty in common.
sat on your lunch break at work and the over friendly colleague nobody likes starts chatting your ear off
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Had to take the rest of the day off to watch this over and over.
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Perrystown is a secret. It never comes up. What’s the story.
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Gentle reminder that some of us are fools every day so while you’re enjoying the fun this morning please be mindful of your exclusionary language which further ostracises the fool community.
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Sharing this a bit early this year! A happy Easter to all.
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Thank you for all the love on this over last few days. So glad people enjoy it. Been really lovely hearing from people of all ages from loads of different countries even. (I Even heard priests and nuns like it).
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Hey. I’m looking to speak to people with a miserable fucking life who just can’t stand the pressure they’re under and feel like they have no idea who they are anymore and can’t see the point in any of it #JournoRequest.
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I hope Dublin City council are providing much needed support to the 15 people who saw some breasts on the portal. Unthinkable trauma.
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@JTOConnell1980 I wasn’t baptised, indoctrinated or educated in those faiths Jonathan so i wouldn’t be able to even if I wanted. it’s just a retelling of the story; i’m actually not making any comment on it. Check in with your parish priest on it. He may be able to help you see the funny side.
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In my childhood years we didn’t have a toaster and made toast under the grill. The sickening part is that a babysitter taught us that you could toast BOTH sides. Our parents had lied for the sake of their own convenience and I haven’t spoken to them since.
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Credit where it's due to the media who have been so on form throughout this. #CoronaIreland #ScandalOutbreakScandal
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Just walked home from town. Got shot dead 3 times. Someone has to do something about Dublin.
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Here is my video to launch my campaign to take over as presenter of @RTENationwide when Mary Kennedy eventually retires. GRMA xo
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Ok lads who are going Christmas swimming. Don’t forget to post pics of your shrivelled dick and balls after for #TheShrinkChallenge All funds raised go to an amazing charity that gives Peaky Blinders hats to single men.
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Mammy is having a rest. 29 shows. Long live the fringe. And also please stop the fringe.
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Immersion into nature is one immersion you don’t wanna switch off guys. #Mindfulness #brothers #Bros #MMMM4M
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David Clifford kicks a point as Kerry advance to the All Ireland final
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You know people who are total strangers but you see them all the time inexplicably and nobody knows why? Well mine got a dog.
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The worst bit of Christmas is the men who suddenly step up as expert chefs cos they boil a ham. Make your kids school lunches then you pig.
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I have decided I am offended by nappy ads. Incontinece is a very sensitive subject for many babies. It’s private and shameful. Babies are disgusting.
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All this talk of the school exams reminds me of a great story from when I was doing my junior cert.
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Solidarity with everyone involved but particularly the sheer courage of these volunteers to literally stand up to these people with arms outstretched. This kind of hatred is abhorrent and needs to be called out every single time.
Ross Lahive & his goons in Tralee today. These are the people Mattie McGrath was supporting outside Leinster House on Tuesday.
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plans underway to drain the Liffey to make way for the world’s longest hotel.
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Here’s the food. Take it home. Stress about cooking it and remembering what has to be done for each course and when. Ruin the food. Eat one bit. Then get up and ruin the next bit. Eat that. Do this 4 times then wash up. What part of this is good?.
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Angela was up early this morning getting her walk in. #CoronaVirusIreland #CoronaIreland #COVID19ireland
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I have strangled 3 XL Bullies so far! Thank you Taoiseach!.
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Can we not just keep social distancing anyway cos it’s just nice.
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Congratulations to who won 6 awards at Irish Times Theatre Awards.
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What a loser.
Finland's prime minister received a negative result in a drug test which she took to "clear up suspicions" after a video of the 36-year-old partying sparked criticism, her office has said.
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Sorry I can’t make it I’m watching the Tyreland video tonight.
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Failed wordle today. I’m expecting to be invited on all media outlets to talk about my courage in speaking about it publicly.
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For as long as I live I will never be able to get over Newgrange. How is that real?.
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Very busy weekend for news so just posting this in case you hadn’t heard.
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If you want to DM an anonymous attack on a comedian then you should choose a better insult than “clown” because we are very much literally clowns on purpose.
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This has been online for 14 minutes and I have been watching it for 7.
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Are we supposed to just go bed? I’ve drink taken tbh.
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Every Sunday I get nice and cosy, put my feet up and watch the telly and be reminded that Fine Fáil and Fine Gael have ruined my entire adult life. #reelingintheyears.
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Leaving a fart in the car just before the NCT. Little display of dominance.
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Good morning. My name is Shane. I’m 32 years old and I live in Dublin, Ireland. I went out on Saturday and I feel bad still. Thanks so much.
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@tonyhorror @AlisonSpittle @RTE2fm @JenniferMaguire @Darrenken @boshea5 @kevinmcgahern @edwinsammon @juliejaycomedy @gearoidfarrelly @Hantmam @brilliantshane @curseofconary @RonanCareless @JordanOrdinary @luberachi Thanks @tonyhorror for nominating. My party trick is doing an impression of @RTENationwide at @EPfestival . I nominate @NicLiamo and @RogerOSullivan @matthew_tallon . #CreateDontContaminate @RTE2fm
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Effing buzzing to be in @dublinfringe this year! My heart can’t take it! . 19th-23rd September in @smockalley . “More of it,” says you.
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SOLD OUT FOR THIRD DAY IN A ROW.
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