Sean Conroy
@seanconroy
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Writer. Comic. Key and Peele/ Mr. Pickles/ ASSSSCAT/ Conan. Also available for manual labor. Sign up for my newsletter at the link.đ
Los Angeles, California
Joined May 2009
âMaybe you shouldnât have put the cops in masks, Joeâ. - Laurie Blake.
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Trump gum.Trump condoms.Trump toilet paper.Trump liniment.Trump laces.Trump silverware.Trump goldware.Trump engine oil.Trump moccasins.Trump slippers.Trump clogs.Trump dickeys.Trump chandeliers.Trump croquet sets.Trump shrimp.Trump band aids.Trump q tips (t tips).Trump hats.
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Erections. He's talking about erections. Like when your penis gets hard with blood? Not exactly Oscar Wilde-worthy. If he was doing an open mic, this is when everybody would sigh, and then look at their phones. Luckily he's just the president ha ha ha .
Trump: "Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word but I'm not gonna use that word. It says with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it I would be run out of town. Alright. So enjoy it."
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I also play great music! Perhaps sometime we could exchange playlists?.
Trump: âThey came up to my father, they said, âyour son is brilliant at music. He can be an incredible musicianâŚI played for very short periods of time, the fluteâŚCan you believe it? I could have been a flutist.â.
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So would I!!!.
"I would give up an Academy Award for the Knicks to win a championship". ââ Spike Lee
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I hate when people write in all the same phrases everybody uses on Twitter, as though there arenât a million beautiful articulate ways to express a thought. That said, Trump voters are delulu, and we are all cooked.
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Can they install the mobil Mickey Dâs on the plane? âWhy donât they build the plane out of the McDonaldâs?â.
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If AI is so smart, how come everytime it autocorrects it makes me sound like Iâm having a stockings?.
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Just put a grand on an Augustinian from Sierra Leone. Long shot, but pays 1014-1.
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What a kook!.
Reporter: Why did you feel it was important for you to go to the Popeâs funeral?. Trump: I just thought it was out of respect. I won the Catholic vote⌠I have a great relationship to the CatholicsâŚI got 56% of the vote. I donât know why I didnât get more.
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Noted scholar, historian, and economist disagrees with, says the exact opposite of Mr. Holbrook, obscure AP American history teacher (who totally fooled me! He had sources, and reason! How? HOW?).
Trump: "You know, our country was the strongest, believe it or not, from 1870 to 1913. You know why? It was all tariff based. We had no income tax." (This is nonsense.)
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Nobody remembers âgroceries.â Itâs like âscissors,â or âfloor.â.
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Paid protesters! Fake news! Lying media! Corrupt FBI! Deep State! Weaponized DOJ!. âIf you run into assholes all day, youâre the asshole.â -Raylan Givens (among others).
Folks had to provide their address and prove they're a constituent to attend Rep. Victoria Spartz's two town hall -- it's not outside folks attending, FWIW.
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Damn right.
On the bright side, I've never felt more qualified than literally every single member of an administration and whatnot.
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In the common parlance, I âfeel seen.â.
As a genxer, how many times have you started to respond to a post and in the middle realize that you just don't care enough to finish responding.
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The French and Indian War would never have started if Trump was President.
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