Telling people Lyme disease left me wheelchair-bound when I’m actually just recovering from leg lengthening surgery

I saw my landlord carrying in a bunch of tiki torches and now I’m worried he’s going to hold some kind of twisted Polish version of a Unite the Right rally from my apartment building

Enya. Never married, never been in a relationship, no scandals, she lives alone in a Castle with her Cats, never had a concert , she doesn't use a phone. She doesn't use social media She is 64 and has sold over 80 million records. She is Enya.

I’m 37 and I just realized I’ve been calling myself an introvert for twenty years when the truth is I’m just exhausted from spending my entire life orally serving alcoholic veterans.

The thing is…. All movies are pretty good

Rachel Lipa

I can’t wait until Nettspend gets super fat

I would like to see the man who was kidnapped by dolphins interviewed on Joe Rogan

My husband’s biggest regret in life is catching mono from a homeless guy after sharing a 40 of OE and missing Woodstock ‘99 as a result

Tim Dillon should be the next Masked Singer

2016 is back in that I have a prescription for 2 different muscle relaxers and a benzo again

If Trump has shingles, he should use his platform to speak out and raise awareness... Shingles doesn't care if you're a beautiful vibrant young woman in her early 30s or if you're the leader of the free world #cureshingles

Real heads know that Merzbow has had consistently bad visuals for like 20 years now. The second he learned about Midjourney he was like “What if a dolphin went to heaven 😍”

So there’s no nudity or even a nipple in Wuthering Heights… what gives..? He takes his gay little shirt off like twice

don’t come to my house and you sharing your location with 39 people

Illegalize Zoos

All monkeys should be free. Including Punch

https://t.co/1DlY0wwwaB

PC music ruined club music… all these bitches out here sound like wedding DJs

Even the zoomers are millennials now

Most sweet sensitive souls use their own intellect against themselves, like the thorns of a rose growing inward.