Rory McCarthy
@roryisconfused
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Cool guy! Writer! Copywriter! I post about films and books and nonsense mainly. Working around AI regulation with @ai_ctrl if you wanna chat about that 👀
London
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Walking in the middle of Hampstead Heath, an American guy came up to me and said “hey, how do I get out of here?”, I said “well, that depends where you need to go”, and he looked at me like I was some fucking Alice in Wonderland character
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“I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity” oh my god
A lady at the airport brought her own personal tube of mayonnaise. I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity but she’s my hero.
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At the pub, a guy has shown me his list of potential names for his band
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The best kind of photo is when a cheeky cat has stolen a fish
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She’s the female equivalent of Robert Pattinson vis-a-vis ‘this ethereally hot person is completely insane, how delightful’, someone should put them in a film together where they’re just unbelievably beautiful and totally berserk for a good hour and a half
will always be one of her most chaotic moment on the red carpet
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Tweets like “gentle reminder that mental illness makes you sad sometimes, and sometimes it makes you quite anxious. But mental illness does NOT [lists common traits of mania and schizophrenia]”
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Decided to look up the leaderboard of this running thing you can do on the Strava running app and the number one ranked guy is just running around for the same square every single day for about 6 hours
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My solution as a man for the stuck boat in the Suez Canal
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What was your aha moment when you realised ‘wow, that’s the same actor!!’??
I’ll start:
Janette Goldstein
Aliens & Terminator 2
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If cooking is so “relaxing” why does basically everyone who does it professionally have to do cocaine about it
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Extremely this tweet coded
EXCL: Kemi Badenoch is a member of a Tory WhatsApp group called “Evil Plotters” despite telling party rebels to “stop messing around” and get behind Rishi Sunak.
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This is the one i genuinely keep referencing to people as if they’d obviously know it when they inevitably don’t
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Assuming Greta Gerwig’s coping mechanism during lockdown was just to get into a shitload of British TV that Americans usually don’t watch
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Always feel like very spicy food is good for me, in the same way I feel freezing cold showers and long runs are good for me – if I am suffering, there must be some sort of meaning to this. I was raised Catholic, if that helps
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You follow this guy for long enough and it becomes more believable when you’re watching a film where the seventieth anonymous henchman still goes up against the protagonist who just killed 12 henchmen in 10 seconds with his legs
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Well,
Barbie could be a nuclear physicist but Robert Oppenheimer couldn’t overwhelmingly influence the self-image and aesthetic aspirations of multiple generations of young girls
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Fascinated by those magazines you see in supermarkets called like ‘Take a Break!’ and ‘That’s Life!’ where they have these happy bright fonts and 7 headlines that all describe the kind of story that a Doestoevsky character tells another to try to make them stop believing in God
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Normal cow who is a little cross-eyed, seeing twice as many stars
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They actually sent him to jail for this, and they were right to do so
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They should have let Jools Holland put down the first Bully XL live
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HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW DELEVINGNE
Cara Delevingne’s Los Angeles home reportedly destroyed by a fire
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Think of Paddington saying “oh dear” all the time too…if you wanna write for kids and truly connect with them, you have to tune into how they’re all already constantly at least low-stressed about the whole thing of being alive
charlie brown snapped with “good grief” and winnie the pooh cooked with “oh bother”
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I’ve gone viral stealing this woman’s tweet so I should be fair and link back to the thing she linked off the tweet
It’d be a pity to waste this viral tweet so in the spirit of selling something namely myself sign up for a free trial of my patreon - some eps are free altogether. It’s 90 percent mayo content.
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Btw everyone earlier today I was running through Hampstead and got caught in that situation where you almost run into someone who’s walking in the middle of the path and you’re switching from side to side to see who’ll pass who and I looked at his face and it was Nicholas Hoult
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I go on about this and I’m sorry for that, but the other thing with Bully XLs is that their owners are like “they’re so cute and sweet!” and you see them and they look like a mix between a particularly evil orc and one of those intense close-ups on SpongeBob Squarepants
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Changing at Highbury and Islington from the Victoria line to the Men’s Mental Health line
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This is genuinely the guy, if you want to follow him in anticipation of the name they pick and the music they put out 🎶
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Just copying in my theory of why Mr. Brightside is more popular in the UK than America from a group chat
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It is humiliating that none of us know how to do the Monster Mash. They did not explain it in the song. Everyone involved is dead, and the knowledge has died with them. It’s akin to losing Aristotle’s Poetics II in the burning of the Library of Alexandria.
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No need to engage too much with any discourse, just stating that I saw some people I follow like this and I’ve unfollowed them. If you’re wondering why, it’s because of that. It’s because you’re evil
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(I now think the reason this song has taken us by storm is only partly because of the 90s Europop pastiche element, but mainly because Twitter loves a slightly weird and wrong sentence, and this is a collection of slightly weird and wrong sentences)
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You have all the context you could possibly need here
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Something that struck me as a teenager about British culture is that the most unabashedly intellectual musicians – The Fall, The Smiths, Manic Street Preachers, Joy Division, etc. – were from proper working class backgrounds, while vacuous pop acts came out of private education
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This looks like a push notification you’d get if you were somehow living through the plot of the third Paddington movie
BREAKING NEWS 🚨 | British Museum Director Hartwig Fischer to step down immediately over stolen treasures
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@Cheese1138
@hansmollman
It’s literally just like when something is just so yaaas and so slay even, but in the form of a past-participle verb
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Staggeringly offensive to so many people in so many ways to frame enjoying 3 drinks after work as alcoholism.
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Calling it
Some men don’t put their political beliefs on hinge but luckily I can tell by their sunglasses
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I’m going to greet each friend I meet again after lockdown by laughing and going ‘you son of a bitch!’ as if I hadn’t expected them to survive.
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Since people are having a go at Stephen Fry, I just want to add that I have a specific grudge against him for 1) being one of those very condescending atheist guys 2) this clip where he says that Ulysses is his favourite novel because of the last 3 words, which he then misquotes
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Still mindblown by how flawlessly an American guy has managed to impersonate a very specific kind of Australian that you will occasionally meet
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“I could go on and on about the failings of Shakespeare” claims high-status man whose hubris, myopia and lust for power led him to ruin
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Americans on here do not understand two things about the UK: Mr. Brightside is for some reason our most popular song, much more popular than in the USA; and we’re actually really used to spicy food, we eat it a lot, we’re big into curry
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Please don’t go viral…I can’t be fucked with expressing this opinion virally
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I used to be evil, but then I did an ethics class as part of my humanities degree, and now I am good.
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People keep asking: the film Robert Clowney Jr.: Top Crackhead was watching was ‘Titane’
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I once worked in a bookshop that had ‘The Bear’ vibes. WE’RE OUT OF THE NEW ATWOOD, SOMEONE RUN TO THE STOCKROOM AND GET SOME FUCKING ATWOOD, and that sort of thing. I remember coworkers crying from stress at lunch. I am being completely and utterly serious.
I started and am enjoying The Bear but if I showed up to work somewhere and the staff were all behaving like that I would leave after probably half an hour.
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Paxman’s violent condescension towards people who didn’t know the most minute esoterica about the Byzantine Empire was a valuable public service in knocking nerds down a peg or two. His replacement will be normal, encouraging and impressed, and it’ll unleash untold narcissism.
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The “pleasure to have in class” to “displeasure to have on my feed” pipeline
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Like, did you come from Hampstead? From Highgate? Do you want to go towards central London? It is not one straight path man
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Prince Will’s wife going missing has staggering Haruki Murakami protagonist vibes. He should start listening to jazz, talking to cats, hide down a well for a few days, maybe fuck a ghost, see if that solves anything.
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I would just like to back up Rebecca’s credentials as a rival to Rob here
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I ran 10k today in pretty good time and I was feeling happy with myself but now I realise that I’m just some wanker
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@racheledini1
I don’t think he ever attacks civilians! He’ll only ever go after someone for being a dick, not just for being badly dressed in whatever way
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It was a queer, sultry summer, the kind of summer that makes you long for it to be less queer and less sultry, the summer they executed the Rosenbergs, the kind of execution that makes you long for them to execute less Rosenbergs,
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John McAfee's life is something else, I can not tell you what it is, but it something else entirely.
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You are not “depressed” because of “capitalism”, you are melancholy because your humours are misbalanced in the direction of an excess of black bile, and you are much in need of leeching
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Tbf I did once say this to
@DanaSchwartzzz
A friend of mine from the UK is visiting America. He's in Chicago. I live in Los Angeles. "Get on a train!" he says.
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Obviously dad rock is one of the most heralded of genres, but is there mom rock? And if so, who are the canonical artists?
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It was a queer and sultry Spring, the Spring Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, and I had no idea what I was doing in New York
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Important to block people who come into my replies and try to dismiss Shakespeare. Tolstoy came across as a fucking idiot when he tried it and he wrote Anna Karenina whereas you have 4 followers.
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What’s your 🚩 on a first date? Mine’s when they want to know where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, to tell the truth.
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“Anyone else plotting against Rishi 😳?”
you have been kicked from Evil Plotters chat
You have been added to Evil Plotters chat (secret) [there are 348 MPs in this chat]
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Haunted by that tweet that said that ‘no one has ever been at the base of the BT tower. It always exists in a perpetual state of over there.’
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A few people have replied saying this guy’s just blocked them and I’ve followed his lead and just blocked them. Presumably he just blocks people for the same reason I do – because they’re boring or irritating (which are really the same thing on here!)
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There’s a mission creep that’s following around the increasing normalisation of the r-word and autistic as a pejorative, and I don’t care how many layers of flat-affect irony it’s under, I can’t accept that.
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Planning the most unpleasant evening anyone has ever had
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The best advice I’ve got for handling my mental health stuff has probably come from
@hubermanlab
and then
@jonkabatzinn
@Theholisticpsyc
and The Body Keeps the Score. 20 min mindfulness meditation and cold showers every morning + 45 min run every other day.
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The thing with the Belle and Sebastian lyric “she was into S&M and Bible studies, not everybody’s cup of tea” is that there’re now like 30 high-follower accounts who’s whole deal is constantly letting everyone know that that is exactly their cup of tea
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That Doctor Who episode except it’s me taking Vincent Van Gogh to the National Gallery today, “look – they throw soup at your art. People abhor you.”
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And then I expressed shock like “you’re Nicholas Hoult!” and he nodded wryly like “yes I’m Nicholas Hoult” and then I ran off to his left
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His ancestors were probably put on the penal ships to Australia for the crime of doing too much running in a square
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Look I don’t mean to relitigate my greatest twitter controversy, but Rob Brydon was in this as “Sugar Daddy”
Assuming Greta Gerwig’s coping mechanism during lockdown was just to get into a shitload of British TV that Americans usually don’t watch
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Just thought I’d throw that out there what with the attention this is getting from other people going through it and that. Yoga is also very very good. Try Yoga With Adriene on YouTube.
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ALIA ATREIDES FOETUS: foetus birkin bag. Practical foetus possession bag
LADY JESSICA [using The Voice]: No, foetus. You can’t have a Birkin bag
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Someone should go either interview or psychoanalyse this guy
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I was recently at a party where a woman said “Rory, come over here” and I was summoned into a circle of women and she then said “Rory, we’ve all been discussing you, and we’ve decided you’re not as tall as you say you are on Hinge”
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So I’ll add that my older brother who is severely mentally disabled with non-verbal autism can be physically aggressive at times during severe emotional episodes, and it can be very challenging. But he can’t just be permanently locked away from the people who love him.
No need to engage too much with any discourse, just stating that I saw some people I follow like this and I’ve unfollowed them. If you’re wondering why, it’s because of that. It’s because you’re evil
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We also had a band called The Sadurdays where we recorded a suicidally bleak song for each popular holiday
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Brian Cox wins, angrily stomps up to the stage to the Succession violins as camera zoom in on Kieran Culkin crying and Jeremy Strong visibly having a mental breakdown
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“Right so I’m going as Mario and you’ll go as–”
“A pizza?”
“No, I’m Mario, so you’ll be–“
“Mario’s friend, an anthropomorphic pizza”
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Was in Hampstead Heath with my family earlier and my brother said “look, it’s Gollum”, and I was expecting to see some grey freak ambling along in just a loincloth but then it turned out it was Andy Serkis, which was disappointing
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@biggestjoel
It’s amazing how many people are trying to argue with you on this when the creators are pretty upfront about being conservative-libertarian
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@Nicole_Cliffe
I feel like every director has a duty of care to not cast Christian Bale as anything other than whatever weight he currently is.
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I mean, what’re the odds that the best model of statistical inference was devised by a Presbyterian minister born in 1701?
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@AaronBastani
I would like some measures to be put in place to prevent the unnecessary killings of children, “lmao”.
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