Rhodri Marsden ⏏️
@rhodri
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Vapid Response Unit. Writer. Tech columnist for @HTSI . Rapidly ageing musician. Play with Scritti Politti, Lost Crowns, Sweet Billy Pilgrim, Spearmint
London, United Kingdom
Joined March 2007
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I'm now so obsessed with Bercow saying "Mr Peter Bone" that I've spent a period of time setting it to the opening of Beethoven's 5th. Brexit is literally driving me mad.
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I couldn't not do it. (i.e. add piano.)
Martin Roberts’s Invisible ‘Why Did You Want To Buy This Place?’ Piano.
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I’m posting this picture of a pink robin for no other reason than to break up your timeline full of incessant shit.
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In my replies today, a number of people have expressed their delight at Bercow saying the name "Bambos Charalambous", which of course prompts me to do the following, which probably won't last on here longer than 2 minutes but it's worth a crack.
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A friend has alerted me via email to the "singular conducting style" of Dutch baroque specialist Pieter Jan Leusink. I have made a short compilation for ease of sharing on social media platforms. Pure joy.
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Might be an idea for us to post pictures of plentifully stocked shelves whenever we see them, in the vain hope that they reach a wider audience and stop people being ludicrous twats.
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@JimMFelton
@GadSaad
I hope you’re not expecting me to suppress my deep inner urge to bellow “ORRIGHT MISSUS” and “EVENING SQUIRE” to everyone I meet
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I was deleting screengrabs OFF OF my phone earlier and found this, which made me laugh (again) in public.
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We’re absolutely glued to the Liaison Committee, and I’ve never said that before.
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I’ll be spending all evening rewatching this magnificent bit of music and movement ♥️
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A musical commemoration of John Rhys-Davies's performance on Question Time last night, with humble apologies to Adam Ant.
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My mother just sent me this screen grab from the Glamorgan Asylum records. Illuminating bit of history.
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I made the misguided decision to make one more of these Bercow things. Now I've *really* got to get on with some work.
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I would be a terrible pub quiz host, but I do have ONE round up my sleeve similar to the below, which I post herewith for other people to steal and use.
Is it a cheese, or is it a motorway service station.
Amazing concept for a quiz round 👌 🧀
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In lieu of a fully fledged
#duvetknowitschristmas
, I've spent today compiling the all-time top 100 from the last 10 years. It's done. You can't buy your way into it. The reverse countdown will begin at 8.20pm GMT on Thursday. One posted every minute. Number 1 announced at 10pm.
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I could spend a good half hour watching a compilation of Bercow saying “Mr Peter Bone”. If only such a thing existed.
#indicativevotes
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It’s Christmas Eve, which means only one thing. Well, no, it means several things, but one of the things it means is Duvet Know It’s Christmas, aka
#duvetknowitschristmas
. 1/
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(1/4) Ten weeks ago I said on here that I’d started writing a disco concept album about Brexit. Unbelievably, I wasn’t joking. Even more unbelievably, it’s finished, and it’s released today. You can buy it or listen to it via – but here’s a trailer:
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This long thread of a son being repeatedly demolished at Scrabble by his father is a joy.
Rematching my dad in Scrabble. Have never beaten him. He was once top 30 in the American dictionary, but he is old now, and I NEED this
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My pal Sarah just posted this picture on Facebook. I know not from where it came, but it certainly qualifies for Best Post-It Note Of The Day.
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This has to be my favourite question in the “Get Ready For Brexit” questionnaire. “No, i wish to spend every minute of the rest of my life in my home, in the dark, eating dust.”
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I think we need to fight back with some misinformation of our own. It's the only way.
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The world is in turmoil. But on the plus side, a young lad at the Oval just caught a ball in the crowd, won £1000 and hugged his mum in celebration. ♥️
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Two weeks in, Ivor already looks at the world how I look at the world. Good lad.
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Hey! Ten years ago I tweeted this, in the dead of night.
Now, a decade on, I'm sitting at my laptop on Xmas Eve, prevented from watching Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito in "Twins" on ITV4, because of
#duvetknowitschristmas
. What a weird world.
I think it's time for a photo meme of grown adults in single beds in their parents' house.
http://t.co/mZVB29LD
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Hey! Is everyone looking forward to sleeping in their own beds for a change? Nah, me neither. Millions of us who relish our families' unique attempts at Christmas hospitality are really missing it right now.
#duvetknowitschristmas
[preamble 1/9]
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My pal Neil Bailey has built a massive stone hinge, for no other reason than he is brilliant.
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Notable birthdays today include Martin Luther King, Captain Beefheart, and, would you believe, Ivor William Marsden, 8lb 7oz. (1/2)
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I remain SO annoyed by this. I’ve done a GOVERNMENT speed awareness course where the rationale of 20mph limits is patiently explained, and everyone nods and understands, but Sunak is the absolute wanker at the back of the room shouting “what about my rights as a motorist”. 😡
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A collared dove sits on our chimney and coos down into the living room. This morning I have ascertained a) that he/she coos in 5/4 time, and b) at exactly the same speed as the classic recording by The Dave Brubeck Quartet.
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I remember being completely enchanted by the internet in 1994, but now it’s 2018 and everyone is arguing and I’m being relentlessly pursued by an advert for a pair of slippers I bought two months ago.
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Our 8-week old son valiantly took his first round of jabs this morning, and right afterwards, I swear to god, he turned to me, and choking back the tears he mouthed the words “thank you, science”
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Glad I snuck this in before the EU Copyright Directive gets into full swing, eh.
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Dunno if anyone fancies a Bank Holiday Monday music lesson, but here's how the easiest of piano pieces can be magically transformed into a classic UK No. 1 record:
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The weirdest end to an impromptu interview with a US President ever.
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Today’s horrific discovery is that I’m now the same age as Clive Dunn was when he recorded “Grandad”.
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Astounded by this ludicrous fantasy that all 65 million of us are 100% behind Brexit and enthusiastically egging her on. Unbelievable.
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My work here is done.
Commons Speaker John Bercow calls Labour MP Thangam Debbonaire to the tune of Livin' on Prayer because... the internet
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When I was about 12 I learned to say the alphabet backwards really fast. It’s a skill I have somehow retained, but never get to use. Until yesterday lunchtime, when I blew the mind of a 4-year old girl with an impromptu performance. My partner was also impressed. What a weekend.
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I’ve just been alerted to this thing on eBay. “A genuine one off”, says the description.
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“We’ve just been to Wimborne Model Village.”
“In Dorset?”
“Yes, I’d recommend it to anyone.”
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We’re doomed to get nul points regardless of the song choice, although I gotta say that if this were the cast of Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK performing “UK Hun?” we’d have smashed it.
#Eurovision
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Over dinner my girlfriend recalled the idiots at her school who couldn’t sing the hymn “Sing Hosanna to the king” without incorrectly adding a feeble “of kings” at the end of the refrain. “Same at my school,” I said. It was probably the same everywhere.
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I’d never seen this before but Susannah just showed it to me and we’re weeping with hollow mirth
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As the final whistle blew, my six-month old son turned to me and said “Daddy, this perhaps exemplifies the centuries-old rivalry that has existed on the Iberian peninsula,” and I could only smile and nod.
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@David_Leavitt
Maybe just step away from your phone for a bit. Not everything that pings into your head has to emerge on social media.
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A small tribute to the MP for Bristol West. Wasn't my idea but can't find who suggested it.
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Here we are again, eh? It’s been running for 13 consecutive years, now, and it certainly feels like it. Time, I think, for
#duvetknowitschristmas
. 1/
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Currently sedating myself by listening to multiple international versions of what we know in the UK as "Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace". Enjoying the scant regard paid by The Netherlands to the brief they were given.
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Herewith a video in which I go on for TWO MINUTES about a magical chord in a Whitney Houston song, for the benefit of the general public
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I used to run a Twitter account which collected examples of British citizens describing their experiences of British earthquakes to British news organisations. I dunno why I stopped, because they're always magnificent.
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This is a most uplifting series of tweets, and I recommend anyone wallowing in a pit of despair to view them as a matter of urgency.
Something incredible is happening on reddit. I'm tempted to say these people have way too much time, but this is legit amazing.
#RecursionFTW
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It's possible that Gregg Wallace will never stop trending. That one article will just keep being shared and reshared, and eventually consume the entirety of social media. That's all we'll ever see, for ever. Gregg's eternal Saturday.
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On one end of the spectrum we have Rowan, completely carefree, giving barely a shit about getting through to next week. On the other we have Dave, who looks perfectly prepared to stab a rival and cram them into a freezer compartment to eliminate them.
#GBBO
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For those marvelling at the Express’s take on Brexit, this is today’s Sunday Sport’s. (sent by a pal who works for a cuttings agency)
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A shout out to Gerald Of Wales for his excellent map of the British Isles. Taken from his book "Topography Of Ireland" (1188)
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For those asking, I'll be hopping on board the
#duvetknowitschristmas
train at 7.45pm or so, depending on when Ivor (nearly 2, now) goes to sleep. We'll be raising money for Centrepoint:
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Went into the supermarket just now feeling haggard and elderly. Night Fever came on the instore speakers and suddenly I was sashaying down the canned vegetables aisle, snapping my fingers. A woman came round the corner doing disco moves. Left the building feeling elated. 🕺🏻
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Wine. In a can. For men. With some of the worst product blurb you will ever read, signalling the end of humanity.
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3: The way it usually works is that people send me pictures of their Xmas sleeping arrangements and unusual domestic situations. I retweet the best ones, I gain 5,000 followers over the course of the evening and spend the next three months slowly losing all 5,000.
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I’ve had the shock of my life. Sister Sledge don’t sing “I wonder why / He’s the greatest dancer”. The lyrics are, apparently, “Oh what, wow, he’s the greatest dancer”.
On reflection, of course, “Oh what, wow” makes a whole heap more sense than “I wonder why”. Morning!
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Morning. My pal in Madrid informs me that one TV weather presenter is working from home and is using a white board and fridge magnets. ♥️
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I guess I should come up with a name for these musical videos and a snazzy title screen, but for now, it's just another 2-minute-ish peek under the bonnet of a UK number 1 single. 👻
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This bit of Advice For Freelancers was given to me by a pal a couple of years ago. I still haven’t enacted it, but you may wish to. You could create a whole imaginary business with various departments headed by shrill, angry advocates, all willing to say things you wouldn’t.
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Just watched Hunt For The Wilderpeople on Film4. I didn’t even know about this film. Completely adorable in every way. I feel uplifted and confident of sweet dreams.
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OK, the Marsdens have already run out of conversation, so I'll get cracking. First, some housekeeping:
1: This is the 7th year I’ve done this (see attached image) and I can barely believe there are any thrilling new examples of decor or objets to be shared. But there usually is.
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No better way to reassure the country of ones humility by rocking up 15 minutes late.
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Despite the extraordinary lengths Elon Musk is going to in order to make this place a total shithole, it does show resilience and is still capable of producing moments of beauty.
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Rather than pay any attention to Elon Musk, I’m paying attention to Ivor, who just attended his first fancy dress party. He went as a daffodil and played a strong game, thanks to his mum’s sewing skills and theatre background. He could almost be mistaken for a daffodil.
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Quite unintentionally, the "Funniest Joke Of The Fringe" announcement always makes the rest of the Fringe sound like the weakest, most dismal entertainment imaginable.
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I just found myself howling at this when I was shown it in a pub. Howling.
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Never has there been such an absolute shower of small-minded, self-absorbed bell ends. Monumentally embarrassing.
Brexit Party MEPs turn their back as the European Union anthem is played in the Strasbourg Parliament.
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Sterling work on the
#duvetknowitschristmas
front overnight! £33k worth of boundless generosity. Thanks to everyone ♥️
Hashtag highlights on my timeline, with a few more to come now. Link for donations is below!
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I’ve lived in Braintree for about 6 months and this street name still hasn’t stopped delighting me. It’s just a shame I don’t live on it. (Although telling people the address over the phone might be something of a pain in the arse.)
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I believe very strongly that Olivia Colman could secure us additional guarantees over the backstop.
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I will be seeking examples of Xmas Sleeping Arrangements from around 9pm tomorrow — but please spare a thought for my other half
@HenrySusannah
who will be watching something on Netflix while I sit alongside her staring silently at my laptop for three hours.
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My dad grows cucumbers, amongst other things. He grew waaay too many cucumbers, so he left a load out the front of the house with a "Take a cucumber" sign. My folks just found this thankyou note on their doormat, which has cheered me RIGHT UP.
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I have to go to sleep, because of a baby boy that likes to wake up at 6am. Here he is dressed as a Christmas pudding, sorry Ivor.
Thank you so much for the pictures. Keep them coming! And do donate to Centrepoint if you can:
#duvetknowitschristmas
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Incredibly, this has been found. On a market stall in Romania. And returned. Can you believe it??
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I’d just like to draw humanity’s attention to this Chocolate Orange & lettuce baguette (no butter) spotted in Cardiff by
@Bristol_Jane
.
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I dunno if there’s a name for these things that strap around cardboard boxes which you cut off with scissors and then try to coil up and put in the bin but they immediately spring back out of the bin like angry snakes, but I don’t like them.
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I’m sorry to foist this picture from a 1970s men’s underwear catalogue on everyone so early in the morning, but I had no choice.
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Santa has been, and left £30,000 at
@centrepointuk
HQ! Wow. Thanks to everyone who contributed to
#duvetknowitschristmas
- I’m just going to do a few more RTs of pix that came in overnight, before I get stuck into the Buck’s Fizz. Do please donate!
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The history of the AMPERSAND symbol and the word AMPERSAND is blowing my tiny mind. AMPERSAND.
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I have just replaced a broken switch on a Beko DCU7230W tumble dryer by replacing the light & button frame assembly (cost, £5.99). It now works. For me, at the age of 52, this represents an astounding moment of personal development and I demand a medal or similar.
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Christ almighty. Finally finished the final season of Schitt’s Creek, and spent the last forty minutes howling into a cushion. What a glorious, beautiful piece of work.
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Forgive me while I take 90 of your seconds to make a musical observation about a cover version I don't like.
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My great-great-great grandfather’s brother was a painter. Born 1812 in North Yorks. A couple of his paintings cropped up on eBay. A note on the back indicates that they’re of my great-great-great grandparents John & Sophia. Wedding portraits. My parents bought them. What a thing!
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Useful tip: if you scan the timeline of anyone using the word "remoaner" you generally find that they're moaning about LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
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My other half and I just identified a weird change in our behaviour: we’ve both been instinctively holding our breath as we walk past people in the street. The human brain, there.
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A couple of weeks ago I mentioned our new arrival on here, and someone replied along the lines of “Typical new parent, thinking that we’re interested.”
Undaunted, I wrote an entire feature in a national newspaper! Enjoy!
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One of the delights of the Olympics is to slob about watching the mixed archery final, and after about 2 minutes you start shouting instructions at the screen like you’re Robin fucking Hood, rather than someone who watches archery for 30 minutes every four years. ♥️
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I’m looking forward to seeing this expanding timeline laid out in all its glory.
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