There was a cockroach onstage last nite just running around wherever like woo hoo look at me up here u audience paid to watch this what r u gonna do about it fuckers & then I went dark like omg...is...is roach me? I am roach? We are same. Then I missed a cue for a line

If I was an elephant in a room and no one addressed me I’d be upset too, first of all it took a lot for me to fit in this room don’t act like I’m not here???

I don’t have “mean girl” energy. I have “I’ve been too fucking nice for too fucking long and I’m fucking over it” energy.

i wish sean penn had been there to hold a kpop lantern wand

Timothée Chalamet stuns as Kevin from the Backstreet Boys

I never wanted to screlt the highest and have people yell “yaaaasss sang!” I wanted to make people feel like Michael Jeter made the audience feel - still trying. Unreal.

Nobody has ever put into reasonable terms why the Muppets can’t host the Oscars. Chop chop. Should have happened decades ago.

Friday the 13th doesn’t seem so ominous anymore now that every day carries a threatening aura.

cuntniss everdeen from district ate

trying to change the time on my microwave

Nicely done

Gonzo if he was Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls would be like: cluck be a lady tonight

I was about to stop overthinking then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat

Been standing here for 15 minutes. Nothing!

after i say “that’s crazy” twice please wrap up your story

And for the lady, perhaps a fully green-lit reboot of The Muppet Show (2026)?

Not to brag but what a time to be childless

HE HAD IT COMIN HE HAD IT COMIN HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME

show them O’Hara playing drunk not nominated actress

got my overdue bill for SAG dues while watching the SAG awards can't make this shit up 😂😂😂