Get over yourself.

It's hot out. Wash your nasty wang, not just the balls. You got that wrong shlong? That heinous peinous? That EwwTube? That funk junk? That bratworst? That mistake snake? That butthole on a stick? We can smell it. Scrub it.

What crawled up his ass?

The 4th of July is a great day to get sober. Don't listen to what your neighbor with 8 fingers says.

Performative BS isn’t going to work anymore. Meal prep the rich.

Yeah, that counts.

Turns out mouth tape works pretty great for my sleep apnea and is a welcome change from the loud, expensive dream snorkel.

You’re gonna need a bigger higher power.

Drawering

Oh yeah

You ever have a dream so messed up it takes you a couple minutes to figure out everything's ok and then another few minutes to realize nothing is ok?.

I’m built different. (IKEA Craigslist).

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s Eve? You’re a douche.

RT @RealKateMelvin: Trending on Google is hard work. 😆🤣 Just kidding. Thank y'all so much.

Rude: Telling someone they have bad breath. Rad: Tossing a piece of gum in their mouth while they're talking.

What consenting people do is their business.

You're supposed to eat the heels of the bread last. They're your punishment for not buying more bread.

You're being attacked by a shark so, like you've heard to do, you punch it in the nose. Aquaman sees that, but not the shark attack so he bans you from the oceans. Now you're the villain in Aquaman 3.