[Puts an entire apple into my jai alai scoop and fires it at your head from 10 paces].

If more than 10% of your reads come from a new bookstore you are a fake reader #ISaidIt.

RT @pleas4nt: *does this to you*

I tell ya that's what I love about my cohort man. I keep getting older, we stay the same age. Yes we do heh heh, yes we do.

RT @bjork: Why don't you click, drag and use keyboard arrows on bjork.com?.

Things I've posted that "my name is":. Richard Success.Beverly Hillscop.Flint Knap.Cole Robby.Never Getting Pussy Ever.Pat Dry.Robert Paulson.Rich/Dicky Kobold.Gringo Diablo Loco.Brewster Molson.Graham Cracker.Ishmael.Ouuuugh.Tuck Androll.Brad Nailer.Paul Skiorgorki.Groff Conklin.

Aesop Rock quietly putting together the world's best children's album.

One thing nobody prepares you for getting into a relationship is when your partner has a pet they love that rightfully deserves to go in the garbage disposal.

RT @pleas4nt: Wife bad dream: you cheated on me 😤. Husband bad dream: I was there again last night. Laugh Factory. I raced up on stage. H….

Ribbed for no real reason.

Me hunting: haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!. Me becoming the hunted: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

RT @h3xenbrenner2: Where would the world of sports be without the geometrical object we know as the sphere.

Boutta have sex

I became a wandering ronin when I lost my map.

RT @pleas4nt: My friends call me Rich. My mother called me Dicky. You're neither, you call me Mr. Kobold.

Ong it's probably a miracle I don't have Lyme. If there's two things I love doing it's rolling in long grass and not looking at my body.

RT @EpicMasterChief: If you’re going to reply you better have the decency to agree with me completely.

I thought sweating your onions was just hip lingo. "Quit sweating my onions, bro!".

RT @pleas4nt: Ninjas? Like assassins, hired killers. And you would venerate them above the Adult Mutant Investment Banker Turtles?.

RT @pleas4nt: High school gym teacher doing sex ed: Most important thing I can teach you boys is always be wearing tear-away pants, miss no….