philip matarese
@philorphilip
Followers
14,122
Following
1,027
Media
2,600
Statuses
14,990
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
#MetGala
• 3567046 Tweets
ariana
• 402525 Tweets
Zendaya
• 382432 Tweets
Lana
• 273450 Tweets
Macklemore
• 195726 Tweets
連休明け
• 176786 Tweets
Tyla
• 140469 Tweets
GW明け
• 139736 Tweets
Cardi
• 115059 Tweets
Rihanna
• 113916 Tweets
Timberwolves
• 85957 Tweets
Katy Perry
• 80983 Tweets
Kendall
• 69834 Tweets
Mona Patel
• 58074 Tweets
Blake Lively
• 55409 Tweets
The Wolves
• 41405 Tweets
休み明け
• 37965 Tweets
Summer Vacation
• 37263 Tweets
Sant Shri Asharamji Ashram
• 35099 Tweets
Spiritual and Mental Growth
• 34517 Tweets
#BaeksangArtsAwards2024
• 28325 Tweets
#BakanTekinKoltuğuTerket
• 25559 Tweets
Gobert
• 21848 Tweets
ゴールデンウィーク明け
• 21772 Tweets
PRABOWOingin YangTERBAIK
• 19808 Tweets
MenataNKRI LebihMAJU
• 19170 Tweets
竹田くん
• 18761 Tweets
Barnsdall
• 18701 Tweets
Haliburton
• 15091 Tweets
Switchの後継機
• 14818 Tweets
無料引換クーポン
• 12022 Tweets
Bartlesville
• 11860 Tweets
満員電車
• 11254 Tweets
“What if we gave every mom an absolute dumptruck ass” -pixar
596
62K
466K
if u don't think Jackass was the pinnacle of television you're a fucking idiot what other show had a casual Brat Pitt abduction cameo
610
40K
157K
I will never fucking meal prep the daily chaotic search for food is my thrust in life arguably my sole purpose
96
23K
118K
Too much pressure put on Scooby Doo to solve crimes, he is a dog pet & kiss him
98
13K
115K
Zoom Cat Filter Video is flawless. Makes it all worth it. The internet, everything. Just a guy at the absolute end of his rope saying “I- I’m not a cat.” It's all worth it. I feel alive.
213
7K
105K
yo Pixar maybe chill with the dying movies we're all dying do a bug one again or some shit
77
7K
91K
When my parents say “Philip how do I get it back to regular tv” my next 5-10 minutes are absolutely fucked
34
1K
33K
As an alpha male, I rebuke rollercoasters. I will not be jostled and flown along a silly track according to another man's engineering. Flipping around some pervert's dream. And what if I squeal??
87
3K
33K
My me has his me trained to attack anyone me screams at 😂😂😂
73
6K
28K
not the most pressing issue;
but i did a quick eyedropper on this fuckin weirdo's hand and face tones
473
5K
27K
The oldest squirrel live to 23. So there could be a squirrel out there that remembers 9/11 and perhaps even saw She's All That in theaters. Pretty cool.
28
1K
21K
I’m just gonna say it: I am insanely Joe Exotic’s type
112
596
18K
how cool was it everyone was like Uncut Gems is gonna be sick and then it came out and it was beyond sick
65
785
17K
Everyone’s angry at me over this Cobb salad I ordered but I’m angry too like u think I’m happy about this I’m never happy
277
674
14K
Old Town Road was the purest thing we had. we loved every moment of it. every video. every remix. it was all perfect. now look at us. shame
10
574
9K
wake up
little screen
medium screen
little screen
medium screen
medium screen
big screen
little screen
little screen
little screen
sleep
48
1K
8K
"party" size doritos refers to the mindset not the amount of ppl
14
687
5K
I asked my dad to borrow his jacket and he said yeah hold on then quietly removed these two things and handed me the jacket
16
143
4K
She had skin like porcelain. Soft curves like porcelain. A handle, porcelain- ah it's a mug. She was legit just a mug.
17
2K
4K
make twenty seasons of Pen15. they go to college, their twenties, until the final season where it's them making the first season of Pen15
15
277
4K
I love the 30 Rock stuff because people are remembering when comedies had Jokes! Real jokes! Tons of them! As if it was the whole point of the genre!
20
120
3K
big scary italian mafia guys want one thing and one thing only
26
239
3K
"Can ya hear me judge?" ~me thanking god for zoom cat filter video
4
77
3K
Tip: If you're in a restaurant, the bathroom is in the back. Just walk towards the back and you'll see it. It's always there. They're not gonna put it in the front, won't be in the middle. No need to ask anyone- the bathroom is in the back.
48
289
3K
idk if this type of talk is allowed on this platform anymore but... como se dice... ahh... um... someone kill me so i can be reincarnated as her bicycle seat
4
123
3K
Completely at peace when a Minions promotional cycle is in effect
1
164
3K
incredibly specific;
but google images that say they're Transparent and have the checkerboard background but ARENT transparent and are just a fucking jpeg w a check bg??
FUCK OFF!
18
275
3K
kinda a waste of time tbh
It took a photographer 4 years -- night after night in snorkeling gear and weights -- to capture this image of a beaver
#NaturePhotography
509
4K
30K
10
91
3K
One time I went on a date with a girl with a mustache finger tattoo and at the end of it I held a gun she had in her car
12
50
2K
Ska is when the beach and a bowling alley have a baby
13
276
2K
everyone STOP asking me to smoke WEED with u i am an ALCOHOLIC i thought i made myself CLEAR
12
387
2K
It’s so funny the face for Kumon learning center is just an absolute idiot. Like does ur kid look like this? Bring em here.
14
86
2K
When you're the age of your pants size it’s your Pants Year and everyone gives you pants
18
115
2K
Don’t call me ‘your partner’ we’re not detectives I eat you out for crying out loud
6
146
2K
Can’t stop thinking about the guy at the bar who heard Gotye and said “Ooh the Gorillaz” then heard Pumped Up Kicks and said “Ooh the Gorillaz”
11
84
2K
All Jeep merch is like: “our cars flip over all the fucking time but it’s awesome we love the flipping”
4
44
2K
Hey guys, the coffee shop RULE is that you BUY YOUR COFFEE, THEN FIND A PLACE TO SIT.
If you walk in and toss your stuff to dibs a spot first, you are a scumbag and your script sucks. You write stupidly. Your characters say shit like “anyway” to begin a sentence. Fuck off hack.
40
76
2K
getting ahead of this before the trades- yes I was the famous flying patagonia baby
15
39
2K
Baby Jabba burn in hell fuck you
19
157
1K
i think about this comic all the time
9
72
1K
Just saw a lil girl stand up at dinner and say “this has been the best day of my life I know I say that a lot but this time I mean it”
0
34
1K
Listen, Convenience Store, if you don’t want me to take a picture, don’t sell the most insane thing I’ve ever seen.
16
188
1K
Idk how to word this but; is wood a beaver's money or enemy
9
65
1K
its weird they show Bart's penis in the Simpsons Movie
16
34
1K
my gf gabriella giustrarini outside the jackson WaWa watching me and the boys fight some six flags tourists cuz they scratched her lexus
11
63
1K
Ideal friends agree with everything you say and double down on it even when it’s nuts. A healthy friendship is shared psychosis
1
76
1K
i enjoyed bringing my girlfriend to see Jeff Goldblum play jazz but in my opinion he didn't have to fuck her
13
93
1K
sure we knock fedoras all day but girls'll wear this old timey train conductor shit no problem
40
65
1K
I love that me and some guy I did a group project with in college are just Facebook friends until we die. Sean I love you man
8
46
1K
Trying to be the Ezra Miller of this tiny greek island but everyone keeps beating the shit out of me
1
16
1K
“I eat because I’m unhappy I’m unhappy because I eat” is kinda the realest line from a movie of all time
5
32
969
5’11” in heels
Ok I’m like ten feet on a ladder the fuck are we talking about
6
71
983
Every child should be given a chihuahua
This kid and his senior dog are having the best summer ever (wait til he sings her a lullaby to fall asleep) ❤️❤️❤️
723
7K
36K
9
81
952
I've completely cut all toxic people out of my life unless they're hot in which case, you know
6
79
952
u know who should get vaccinated first? my three friends
3
100
920
i had the insatiable urge to swap their hairdos now i can sleep
5
132
892
Fucking go then. Loser. Pussy. I have coke me and Stanley did a bump already. No one likes u. I fucked Pam
5
51
868
A perfect thanksgiving 40 seconds from King Of The Hill
3
209
833
𝘌𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘰𝘳 FWOOAAAIIVEIGHT! WHY? ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵃ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿ ᵃˡᶜᵒʰᵒˡᶦᶜ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿ 𝘋𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘒 𝘛𝘖𝘖 𝘔𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘏𝘜𝘏? EVERY FUCKIN NIGHT EVERY FUCKIN NIGHT
4
68
854
just watched a "Detroiters" compilation vid and every moment was the funniest thing i've ever seen
23
11
732
If I was in Stranger Things i would have simply chilled and died
5
31
731
Hanging ur mask from your left ear is fine but if you hang it from your right it means you're gay
10
74
722
The best part about home cooking is it's always YOUR hair
3
61
708
Janelle Monae flashing her 10/10’s was the highlight of 2023
11
38
672
this little kid from SNOW DAY had the greatest delivery of all time. like how is this 2 seconds but also 5 minutes long
9
20
673
When I was 13 me and my friend Ryan jumped his parents car over a mulch pile. It went perfect. The car got air. No damage. As if God said “aight fuck it let it rip just this one time” and let us have it.
1
10
666
My mother is too sweet can we give it up for her little wall
9
10
659
For like 20 years I've had a song from Rugrats stuck in my head. No matter what, it's there. When times are good, when times are bad, all the time it's "Cynthia she's a really cool dancer, Cynthia boogie to the groove now"
17
65
664
good for lil bear always goin dick out w the other animals
7
58
627
We should all strive to speak with such familiarity. Look how much fun they're having.
3
56
622
most of my generation lost a solid two years strictly speaking and being Eric Cartman
9
19
627
if I need to lean forward for the remote I’ll grab a Dorito “for the road”
1
42
602
All these porn ads are like “try NOT to cum” and it’s like uhh fire ur media planner dude u talkin to the wronggg demooooo
5
11
546
Whys it called an Almond Joy if it fuckin pisses me off
15
66
577
If I have 3 things to do in a day just fuckin kill me
2
66
552
My mom was looking for a belt so in a store I leaned over and said “Psst they have belts” but it wasn’t my mom so some lady was let in on a belt secret by a strange boy
2
17
551
I’m just gonna say this; Animals on HBO got cancelled under the trump administration
20
28
524
