It’s called a ceasar salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

RT @CurtisWenis: would hate to be a winged creature flying into this room.

Had a very productive conversation regarding fish sticks, manufacturing, Cambodia, Oprah Winfrey, moss, sleep schedules, impossible whoppers, and of course, The Alien.

When you look up what do you see? It could be the sky. It could be God. It could be The Alien.

If she knows who shams is, she knows ball. Marry her.

I was once emperor of the mole people for 45 minutes.

RT @texmeplease: ozempic santa clause coming down through the sink.

There is an epidemic of men trying to speak to each other at the urinal why do people think this okay?.

"What on earth is he cooking?" Don't worry about it just know that I'm cooking.

There's babies being born who have never been born before.

There's people dying who have never died before.

If you look like this dm me. If you look like the girl on the bottle or if you're actually a bottle of beer

Girls from Miami are so hot bc Miami is only one letter away from Mami.

Playing in a laundry basket must feel so good if you're a cat

If you think size matters remember that the titanic was the biggest ship ever and it still sunk.

Hope whoever placed the hand sanitizer and light switch here at my work is having a very bad day

Guy who thinks "country music" refers to the national anthems of various countries.

RT @ArthurBoreman: Kid in a trench coat taking a long draw from a candy cigarette: “What the heck happened here?”.

I have 0 Instagram followers btw.

RT @vant2bstripp3r: wow that tomato looks really fresh for being passed down through generations are u sure its an heirloom.