Sobered up fully in about 15 minutes with valsalva. I love being an athlete again

at the bar slightly drunk introducing my also drunk boyfriend to the concept of anti imperialism. He’s taking to it well

Stanford taking a lot of shots in the Gu vs Liu culture war and they’re all needed but please spare some for university high school (derogatory)

people keep telling her to take up running. be real guys, nobody will give you attention for that

i fully remember being so drunk that i walked into a mirror at a party immediately after thinking “that bitch is wearing the same outfit as me”. I really doubt that the blacked out version of myself comes across to people as MORE competent than that.

all i will say abt the antm doc and resulting Internet fights is it’s crazy how rapey dudes will just act like it’s impossible to tell when someone is drunk enough to not be capable of making decisions and other people will just like go along with that and argue in their favor

I need conservative gals to understand that the men around you already understand this, they like it, and they don’t care about how it makes you feel at all

every CVS has 5 varieties of everything you don’t want to buy at CVS and one kind of boar bristle hairbrush

does anybody remember when somebody filmed themselves fucking fleshlight cases full of different pastas and deciding which pasta was the best pasta to fuck? if so, do you remember which pasta they ultimately chose? i don’t want to watch it to find out

recently had somebody say to me, “she’s someone who likes to constantly push people to see how much she can get away with” as if that’s just a neutral personality trait and not a serious character flaw

every year boyfriend acts like he doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day and then I get home and there’s flowers, he’s deep cleaned the apartment, he brings me a bunch of treats as I sit on the couch, he lets me pick every movie we watch

the tweets I saw about this made me think he actually YELLS at her and then I watched and he just says her name louder a second time

SFUSD has been recruiting aggressively for several years now to address the district’s high number of teacher vacancies. I’d wager that every qualified person willing to work for that salary in that district was already doing so at this point

Hilarious thing to say about an already understaffed district, thank you Kelsey

If you’re genuinely scared of the part of Oakland where Kaiser is you’re a massive pussy

I’m being accused of not being from California because I insulted Chico. Sorry for shitting on the West Coast’s Florida State. I forgot how important it was for suburban failsons to have a place to go do date rapes for 4 years before they inherit their dads’ used car dealerships

8-16 year olds don’t have any money

I won’t gatekeep. If you’re still here post superbowl, the cities in question are: Chico, Tracy, Lodi, Modesto. Go check them out!!

People all the way in fucking Reno call it that, nerd