Naomi Higgins
@nomstrositi
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Following
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the humble consequence of carbon, the fleeting spray of life turned diamond by the sun
Australia
Joined April 2015
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Pinned Tweet
My show from last year is finally out on Netflix AU/NZ on Feb 16!! Watching an Australian show… in Australia… we are the first to ever do it
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I'm watching star wars and it's like a bad improv show and rian Johnson is like "ok here we are at the supermarket" and JJ Abrams is like "no we're not"
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Having now seen the movie this is so much funnier like she is so lucky no one actually watched it
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My boyfriend's just sitting in front of the tv waiting for Red Dead Redemption 2 to finish downloading. He is holding the controller
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everyone talks about the "inclusive left" but right wing people are much more inclusive of people with different lifestyles. for example, convicted pedophiles
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People booing Free Palestine activists on Christmas Eve meanwhile soldiers just stormed Bethlehem
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now that girls know how to use VPNs we are nearly out of uses for men
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someone just liked 20 of my Insta pics…. annoyed bc I have a lot to do today and now I have to go have sex with them
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the most impressive rebrand ever is losers calling themselves introverts
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okay please in times like these I would love to be able to trust the GROUND
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the face he gives you when the Snyder cut drops in ten minutes and you’re the only one with a Binge account
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The love interest is a perfectly wise and perfectly kind African immigrant with NO character arc who talks about his “village” and you find out halfway through the movie has AIDS
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not accepting comments from non melburnians at this time
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I love that they made a vyvanse movie for boys and a vyvanse movie for girls
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Centrelink: ok I can see that you listed that you have a male housemate but you haven't filled out the section asking whether he's ever touched your arm while laughing at a joke in a group setting
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It’s important that you know that this is not only a Real Guy but also an ultra conservative with 9 million followers
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It’s time for the Australian tourist to shine
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lonely old dude comedians stop hitting on brand new female up and comers a decade younger than you challenge
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I couldn’t find this so I had to MAKE it?? I blame the LGBT+ community
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Mum’s complaining about a guy doing comedy at her retirement village not knowing his audience: “he kept making jokes about wanting to kill your spouse but a lot of our partners are dead”
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can I send my boyfriend to jail for messaging the Menulog driver “this is very exciting. I love yummy food!”
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I have very few straight male friends and this is how they talk to me
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Hey so I'm making a tv show!! I'm very very excited about it and I'm not even gonna undercut this sincerity with a joke!!! Very rare for me!
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if you ever wanna prank someone who has anxiety just text them "hey can we have a chat later"
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Dropping Off Food and PlayStation for my Quarantined Boyfriend: A 2020 Romance
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I told my sister a guy said I was pretty and she said "omg imagine if he met me" and those words will echo in my mind until the day that I wither and die
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🚨 nerdles (wordle nerds) do not read 🚨 stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever fucking seen fucking
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please don’t respond by saying this is a reasonable note. I know it is reasonable and that is what makes the passing away all the more pressing
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Two Canberra journalists who went to elite high schools wearing ironic cowboy hats and writing drivel about how the average Australian is too stupid to be expected to care about politics. Amazing grift
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Did Jerry Seinfeld date a 17 year old at 39? Yes. But did he also make all the bees in bee movie boy bees when in real life they would have been girl bees? Yes
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Lol this girl has been married for like 2 months and has clearly built her entire personality around having to figure out how to wear her hair short
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worried my twitch income will be leaked and people will wonder why I’m still doing it
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I do not see the point of growing your own veggies it’s like nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing TEN ZUCCHINIS nothing
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Actually why did he make this?? He edited this together??? To jack off to close ups of her face happy on her wedding day?????? this is so much weirder than just finding a bikini pic of a girl you’re in love with and masturbating to that ??
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while you're teaching your dad not to say racial slurs, my mother and I are a little further ahead
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woman in front of me at Coles says "everything's gone and I don't know why" when she's buying ten bottles of detergent 😭
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Put them in it
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covid fatigue got me proud of getting out of bed and showering like I’m an elder millennial who writes for Frankie
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moving into every rental home: this house is amazing! it has a dishwasher, the cupboards work, it’s perfect!
moving out of every rental home: fuck this house. this is a blessing I’m GLAD they’re selling. piece of shit
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When Larry told Funkhauser he didn’t apologise enough for being late last time
What’s your favorite Curb Your Enthusiasm moment?
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Do you think him dying a day after I said this means anything
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the milkshake ducking will be swift, the double down will be strong, the self-managed national comedy tour will be called “you can’t stop me”, the friendship with shooter williamson will be shallow and public-facing only
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mark always wanted a tv show by the time he was 30 but that didn't happen. a while ago I said "what are you gonna do if you have 2 shows by 31" and he said "be the fuckin king" anyway you dropped this 👑
Step inside the minds of
@auntydonnaboys
. From executive producer
@edhelms
comes Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun. November 11th!
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I told my sister to start a parenting tiktok and she just sent me her first attempt
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my boyfriend jumped out of bed this morning at 6am and darted around the house like the building was on fire and scared the shit out of me. he was going to an 8am avengers screening. when is marvel over
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Just remembered this
I am now thinking about Jonah asking Sony to hire a hundred dancers for his Fallon appearance and then calling it off because he was caught on video yelling a homophobic slur
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my sisters love it when they tell me a story about their children and I compare it to something my dog did
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trying to explain it all to my housemate:
“Do you know Olivia Wilde?” “No”
“Do you know the movie Booksmart?” “No”
“Ok do you know Florence Pugh?” “No”
“Ok do you know Jason Sudeikis?” “No”
“Ted Lasso?” “No”
“Do you know Shia L
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@jack_vening
I did this for a week to fix my sleeping patterns before starting a job and it was honestly the best time of my life sorry to say
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dad just called me to ask if I had a Netflix contact for a woman he’s talking to on eharmony. Happy holidays everyone
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my best friend (male nurse) moved in with me but he did not want my Welcome Home present
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omg my first clap back I've made it
ABC star claps back after Andrew Bolt drags comedy 'Why Are You Like This'
#andrewbolt
#abc
@nomstrositi
#whyareyoulikethis
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telling my boyfriend we should spend time together off our phones immediately after mine dies
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No! No!!!!!!!!!!!
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Just remembered the reviews I found a few years ago
Important: I have been alerted to these reviews of a psychiatrist who is constantly juicing and eating nectarines during appointments and leaving juice stains on his patients’ documents
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I highly recommend having as many autistic friends as possible
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being american is a mental illness
just walked into a coffeeshop here in aotearoa new zealand and everybody behind the counter, not really knowing me but knowing i was american, erupted in spontaneous applause
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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I sneak back into the bedroom this morning and snatch my boyfriend’s phone out of his hand and he’s watching this??
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I love 9Honey and 10Peach but my favourite channel is 7Pussy
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just scrolled through my entire facebook to make sure nothing would come back to haunt me and ruin my career. brutal stuff
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