I'm watching star wars and it's like a bad improv show and rian Johnson is like "ok here we are at the supermarket" and JJ Abrams is like "no we're not"
everyone talks about the "inclusive left" but right wing people are much more inclusive of people with different lifestyles. for example, convicted pedophiles
The love interest is a perfectly wise and perfectly kind African immigrant with NO character arc who talks about his “village” and you find out halfway through the movie has AIDS
Centrelink: ok I can see that you listed that you have a male housemate but you haven't filled out the section asking whether he's ever touched your arm while laughing at a joke in a group setting
Mum’s complaining about a guy doing comedy at her retirement village not knowing his audience: “he kept making jokes about wanting to kill your spouse but a lot of our partners are dead”
I told my sister a guy said I was pretty and she said "omg imagine if he met me" and those words will echo in my mind until the day that I wither and die
Two Canberra journalists who went to elite high schools wearing ironic cowboy hats and writing drivel about how the average Australian is too stupid to be expected to care about politics. Amazing grift
Did Jerry Seinfeld date a 17 year old at 39? Yes. But did he also make all the bees in bee movie boy bees when in real life they would have been girl bees? Yes
Actually why did he make this?? He edited this together??? To jack off to close ups of her face happy on her wedding day?????? this is so much weirder than just finding a bikini pic of a girl you’re in love with and masturbating to that ??
moving into every rental home: this house is amazing! it has a dishwasher, the cupboards work, it’s perfect!
moving out of every rental home: fuck this house. this is a blessing I’m GLAD they’re selling. piece of shit
the milkshake ducking will be swift, the double down will be strong, the self-managed national comedy tour will be called “you can’t stop me”, the friendship with shooter williamson will be shallow and public-facing only
mark always wanted a tv show by the time he was 30 but that didn't happen. a while ago I said "what are you gonna do if you have 2 shows by 31" and he said "be the fuckin king" anyway you dropped this 👑
my boyfriend jumped out of bed this morning at 6am and darted around the house like the building was on fire and scared the shit out of me. he was going to an 8am avengers screening. when is marvel over
I am now thinking about Jonah asking Sony to hire a hundred dancers for his Fallon appearance and then calling it off because he was caught on video yelling a homophobic slur
trying to explain it all to my housemate:
“Do you know Olivia Wilde?” “No”
“Do you know the movie Booksmart?” “No”
“Ok do you know Florence Pugh?” “No”
“Ok do you know Jason Sudeikis?” “No”
“Ted Lasso?” “No”
“Do you know Shia L
Important: I have been alerted to these reviews of a psychiatrist who is constantly juicing and eating nectarines during appointments and leaving juice stains on his patients’ documents
just walked into a coffeeshop here in aotearoa new zealand and everybody behind the counter, not really knowing me but knowing i was american, erupted in spontaneous applause
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭