Noah Grossman 🥑
@NoahGrossman214
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Actor, Comedian, Writer, Host | likes colors | he/him | business contact: [email protected] |
Joined February 2013
Not sure when I’ll tell the full story, it’s not super long, but I’m flying home and feel like I should mention it so I don’t forget. My girlfriend and I were almost murdered on a farm by an actual mentally ill man who believed we were witches. Yes like actual hocus pocus.
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We can all laugh at Fox News, Ye, and crazy blonde women warning of Jews, spells, and the end times, but that shit gets people killed. If my girlfriend wasn’t smarter I would not be here and she would have to figure out how to drive a car down a mountain to leave the scene.
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I promise I am not pictured here.
Mugshots of looters arrested by the Portland Police
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5 SOS looks like a group of malnourished Hot Topic employees.
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I’m laughing about it, but really, I was almost killed because an actual crazy person believes the whack shit spewed by the modern GOP and their supporters. This happened yesterday so I’m still processing how to feel or what to say about it?.
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Now after having a cat for the first time in life, I understand why there are weird cat people. I honestly would rather talk to you about my cat than almost anything else.
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I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you this. If this man was not 60+ we both might be dead, or who knows what. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew what to say, but I actually just want to feel better rn so I’m tweeting about it.
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First celebrity I ever got to work with!.
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With all the legitimate points to boycott Harry Potter Legacy due to the authors anti-trans actions and rhetoric, I honestly forget about the evil greedy jew goblin antagonists. Being a Jewish American myself, I am 100% NOT buying this game….
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My girlfriend is experiencing INTENSE period pains. Beyond normal - she’s essentially bedridden with pain and throwing up. Any suggestions? Pamprin normally helps but isn’t doing the job. All suggestions welcome!! Thank you.
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I’ve only ever had threesomes. Jesus is always with me.
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Just landed for my connecting flight. Y’all are beyond sweet, thank you. I’ll share the story once it’s a little less fresh and then it’ll be totally fine for us all to laugh at.
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Thank you black men and women in Georgia! Thank you Pennsylvania. Thank you to Americans whom voted to dismiss this goon!!.
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Guys, I know what’s happening the 29th. I’ve known the whole time. Y’all are hilarious and special and if it turns out I’m wrong, then you guys are weird and not funny at all.
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So my girlfriend will sometimes write down what I say in my sleep, apparently this was last night’s conversation—. Me: Round. Her: Round what? . Me: Round people. Her: What round people? . Me: Yeah, round people, sometimes they fight 3 rounds, sometimes 5.
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Smosh fans are mad respectful 🤟🏼 in person and on the internet (mostly).
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Just found out @OliviaSui ‘s boyfriend was the voice of Chowder from Monster House. Monster House! This will be my favorite for a while.
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Today is a sad day, for today my Xbox One has died. Just yesterday I was enjoying the remastered borderlands, alas, it has bricked, never to turn on again. @Xbox thank you for your service. Unfortunately I need to some how buy an Xbox One before Borderlands 3. Lotta recycling 😂.
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I have a lady friend! It's been a lil bit, but not too long. I'm a fan 🤘🏼
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Ok since it’s now been publicly announced, I was originally cast as Mario before Chris signed on. I understand why they went with a bigger name, but the performance is going to suffer.
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No, YOU just spent 14 hours straight coloring your hair!.
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My friends in Los Angeles. Please stay home tonight.
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My girlfriend just told me she “doesn’t care” about hash browns. How ridiculous!.
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If I was on death row, my final meal would be a singular capri sun, and every time the guard turns their back I’d just blow it back up. Feel free to use this.
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Billie Eilish is what happened after Cara Delevingne and Lil Xan touched bare feet.
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When I’m asleep, I’ll have full conversations with my girlfriend in which I try my hardest to convince her I’m NOT asleep. She asked me last night if I was awake and understanding what she was saying and I said “I understand perfectly” she said okay what did I just say?….
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My tag is literally always out I just wanted to post one picture where I’m not a fool
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Hello @TheEllenShow ! I’m an LA-based influencer that is raising funds to deliver pizzas and kindness to the people most impacted by the COVID pandemic. Pizza Hut has offered to match pizzas and I’m hoping you can help me spread the word!.
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😂😂😂.
Can’t get over the fact that this is literally Twitter arresting YouTube and was a complete accidental symbolic masterpiece about the Internet
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I had some people ask! I was not in @smosh UTM because I was supposed to be in Thailand on a vacation I won on the price is right…however between a family emergency and getting really sick with RSV, I couldn’t leave the country, and also couldn’t be in the show!.
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If I smell French toast am I having a French stroke?.
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Went to the ER for dehydration because I got too lit at my brothers wedding this weekend. What I learned 🧵.
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People who are into feet, is somebody with eleven toes like super sexy?.
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I might not be able to sing, but at least I sound better than Ben Shapiro.
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🥰 thank you.
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My girlfriend just told me the back of my knees look like the front of my knees. Like, how should I take that?.
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@Co_Mill Court it’s 3am and my foots stuck in the toilet at this Burger King for the last 20 mins. I couldn’t agree more 🥳.
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Florida can’t be real, they should have safari tours.
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My dog Cooper passed today. I truly feel for everyone who has ever lost a pet. We all loved him very much. Please give your little friends a big hug tonight. 9-09-02 until 3-28-19. I’ll be off here a couple days ♥️.
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Today is my 23rd birthday and I’m celebrating the only way I know how, with a Lt. Dan’s Surf n Turf from @BubbaGumpCo —.
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Thanks to the wind and the amazing firefighters the fire has gone back over the hill! My home is looking safe at the moment!.
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Noah is my name, but if I was a woman, my name would be Noweewee.
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Another mass shooting, this time in Thousand Oaks. 12 dead, more injured when a white male in a trench coat opened fire at Borderline Bar. This happened in the valley, MY valley! I’ve got friends who received texts from victims that night! How do we stop this?.
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No joke, my hair took 17 hours to finish - legit 15 hours over two days to apply the color 😂 shout out to my girlfriend! Can’t wait to reveal 🤟🏼.
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Just bleached my asshole, what color should I dye it?.
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In Alabama you can only get married if you’re under 18.
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Hey! I’m starting a campaign to feed people experiencing homelessness in Los Angeles, and I need your help! I’m raising money to purchase and personally deliver pizzas to neighbors in need, visit the link in my bio to learn more! You can win free pizza yourself! 🍕🍕
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Instagram took down my baking video for hate speech, nudity, and graphic violence. Glad to know there’s nothing I can do about it!
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Yo, my bad, what do you need?.
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If I ever win the lottery, everyone’s getting a 401k.
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Thank you everyone! Heating pad + CBD oil has seemed to calm it enough to let her sleep! Thank you!.
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I still use 😂 in case you wanted to know if I’m cool or not.
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Can’t watch a single Studio Ghibli movie without crying at least 3 times. Seriously some of the best story telling, characters, art humanity has ever made. I am in awe consistently.
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Can't hide from the truth. I'm prettier this way. *half way through removing Kimber make up
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So, did y’all not have soap before? Why’d you have to buy so much?.
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Couldn’t have asked for a better life — thanks y’all.
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We have a time traveler!.
@smosh @SmoshIan @supershayne @NoahGrossman214 @Co_Mill @KeithLeakJr @OliviaSui Have you seen the Twitter handle of the person who asked this question in 2016.
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Big plans coming! You've seen the teases, gotta lot o legal paperwork but you guys are gonna flip when it's complete, my largest goal yet. .
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😂😂😂 I have no comment.
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I’m sorry, like really? My tax dollars are being spent giving cops Captain America tazer shields? What. ?.
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Hey @dominos ! I’m soon to launch a campaign to raise funds to purchase as many pizzas as I can to deliver to people currently experiencing homelessness! I’m hoping you can help me “deliver” kindness to people in need 🍕.
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Vidcon was so dope!!! Thanks for coming y’all. Always a pleasure meeting and talking with y’all 🤟🏼
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Sprained my big toe having just the wildest sex. That piggy went to the market 🐖.
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Choke on a hamburger!.
Anarchists, Agitators or Protestors who vandalize or damage our Federal Courthouse in Portland, or any Federal Buildings in any of our Cities or States, will be prosecuted under our recently re-enacted Statues & Monuments Act. MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. Don’t do it! @DHSgov.
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