Neil Strauss
@neilstrauss
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author of 10 NYT best-selling books, most of which people put another cover on when reading in public
Los Angeles
Joined April 2007
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The ability to listen to your partner, and truly try to understand what they’re saying without making them wrong - even if you strongly disagree - is one of the most powerful acts of intimacy there is.
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People rarely see the whole of you - they just see the part that best supports the point they want to make
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sometimes, the best way to make it happen is to let go of wanting it to happen
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Something happened this week that has shook me.
I want to share the story as an illustration of what's possible in a new world and model that we can create.
If we choose to take a leap of faith.
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We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.
- Brad Meltzer
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Your children owe you nothing.
It wasn't their choice to be born or their actions that resulted in their existence. It was yours.
So live with it. Do your best. Love them unconditionally. And expect nothing. Not even gratitude for the fact that you wiped their butts or put…
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Congratulations to
@LITWTF
on releasing another apparent first: The first established actor ever to perform as an NFT. Not only is it on the blockchain forever but the acting is forever tied to the price of Ethereum. Honored to be an opening act for this.
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“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
- Marcus Aurelius
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The reason facts don’t change most people’s opinions is because most people don’t use facts to form their opinions. They use their opinions to form their “facts.”
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Human beings possess the innate ability to forget how bad things are and romanticize how good things were. It’s a powerful survival strategy. If we remembered the full depth of our most acute pains, terrors, and grief, he might not want to go on.
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All greatness, after all, is rooted in risk.
-Albert Camus
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Most of what you’re worrying about right now will be forgotten years later, whatever the result.
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Take a couple of days off work, family, the phone, and the internet every year to just focus on you. Who you are. Who you love. What brings you alive. Then restructure your life to get more of that. It's okay to be afraid to make the difficult choices this may require, but be…
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As an author, this is unbelievable to me. Never would have even imagined it to be possible. So grateful to
@LITWTF
and the Lit community. Wtf indeed!
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Every next level of your life will demand a different you.
- Unknown
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When my son is excited about something, his energy seems endless. He can run or play for hours
When he is not interested in something, or is being dragged along on someone else’s agenda, his energy seems absent. His feet are tired, his spirit is drained, his mood is negative
⬇️
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If you believe other people are the problem, then you have to change others to solve it. This is not always possible. If you believe you are the problem, then you can also be the solution. This is almost always possible.
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Which YouTuber is responsible for my son calling me “bruh” all the time?
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I’m excited to share that my next project has been announced as the first fully decentralized book, which you’ll be able to read from front to back on OpenSea. And it’s out tomorrow. Details here:
@LITWTF
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Everyone makes up stories about others in their minds. Very few of them are true. Same with the stories about ourselves.
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One of the goals of life is to lessen the recurring thoughts that make you unhappy before they become who you are.
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Some advice I gave a friend today that may resonate for others
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If you take away your child’s iPad, it’s amazing the activities they’ll come up with. One of my son’s favorites is asking for the iPad back. He can play that game for hours.
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PS Not that anyone asked, but in case someone does, the rights transfer with the NFT. So at any point, there can be a new owner and new publisher. I'll keep you all updated on how this continues to unfold. Have no expectations and am here to support pretty much whatever happens.
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Kindness is loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weakness.
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I think worrying is the stupidest thing I did in my life.
-Overheard, two older people speaking in the park
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“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin
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Freedom is letting go of the compulsive patterns of thought that don’t serve you or your relationships.
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Why do hospitals, the institutions where the sick go to heal, have such unhealthy food?
Why do schools, the institutions where children are sent to grow into adults, have such unhealthy meals?
How did it come to pass in our society that what we put into our body is treated as…
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Spirituality can be a beautiful cloak for all kinds of toxic behavior.
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If you really want to get along with somebody, let them be themselves.
- Willie Nelson
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A healed person does not shame another for not doing the work. That’s what narcissists do.
Those who weaponize healing traumatize.
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If parents thought about the long-term effects of the things they say to their kids, rather than the short-term result they want, they’d probably speak to their children a lot differently.
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Want to improve your relationships, then improve yourself.
Otherwise you'll keep attracting partners who fit right into the shape of your wound.
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Of all the practical applications of AI I’ve seen, this may be the greatest
4. Making memes come to life using the new Stable Diffusion Video
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I see so many social media posts talking about how the perfect partner is the person who brings out the best in you or who makes you a better person.
No, that is not your partner's responsibility. It's yours. They're not your parent, therapist, or coach.
YOU bring out the best…
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The importance here is not the numbers, whether they should be 15 or 30 or 50 or 90 percent.
The importance is the gesture.
And that both parties acted in each others' best interest.
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Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
- H. Jackson Brown Jr
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If you say anything confidently, consistently, and naturally enough, *someone* will believe you.
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Right now there are many people having the worst day of their lives. If you’re reading this, that is very likely not you. Be grateful for this small moment in time where you have the leisure to waste some time.
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So often when we heal one part of ourselves, after a brief interlude of peace, we become aware of another part that needs immediate healing.
The work never ends. There is always something we can improve upon. And this is one of our highest purposes: To discover the person we…
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A man who was cheating on his wife explained it thusly: "She hasn't slept with me in five years, and is incredibly mean to me."
What I heard when he said that was: You have to give yourself a victim story to act outside of your value system.
This is unfortunately common.
As a…
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When Jenkins the Valet asked if I’d write his memoir as a collab with some 3k other NFT holders, I jumped at the chance to write a book as a large-scale collaborative process. The result is here, and weaves in the highs & lows of the last year in web3. Read it or burn it-or both!
The Public Dutch Auction is LIVE at 🚨
It will start at 0.8 ETH and then drop .05 ETH every 15 minutes until sold out (eventually resting at 0.2 ETH).
Mints above the sellout price receive a trustless, on-chain refund for the price difference.
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No matter what your image of yourself is, the world will not feed it back to you. Accepting this is a form of freedom.
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The relationship you have with yourself will impact every other relationship you have
- Arch Hades
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On our deathbeds, we will have many thoughts and regrets.
None of them will be about whether we had, lost, or were gifted a blue checkmark.
If you are fortunate enough to be a household name due to your accomplishments in this life, and you are getting worked up about this and…
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Be firm with your intentions but flexible with your strategies for getting there.
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“The funny thing is when you start feeling happy alone, that's when everyone decides to be with you."
- Jim Carrey
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Why is it that in some relationships, the thing someone was originally attracted to about you is the exact thing they want you to stop doing, whether it’s your work or way of dressing or fun social nature.
The reason: They want to close the door they walked through to get to you…
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As soon as I saw that, I choked up. What an amazing way to begin a publishing relationship:
By taking the old precedent and doubling it in favor of the artist.
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Every person you know is so fucking unique. Expecting them to think or act as you would does a disservice to the beauty of who they are.
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We are rapidly getting to the point where we no longer trust anything we see on social media as real .
From political events to human accomplishments to influencer pics.
This means returning to only trusting what we see or experience in real life.
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sometimes what we perceive as an old soul is someone who was forced to grow up way too soon
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If a sociopath lacks the ability to feel empathy, what’s the name for the condition where someone lacks the ability to feel curiosity.
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I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.
-Carl Jung
Not just a quote for contemplation but a goal for life.
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Sometimes the best way to support a partner is by not trying to fix, change, or advise them at all.
And trusting that their inner wisdom will likely guide them to the right place eventually. Whether you're still with them or not.
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Remember: Most people are too stuck in their struggle to be present for yours.
Give yourself the love and empathy you need.
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Don’t go to your parents for advice as an adult, because then they’re going to give you advice as a child
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Want to be happy? Choose the interpretation that best serves the person you want to be.
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My 7 year old asked the other day, “Is it too late for me to be an actor?”
And I realized that when we ask the same, wondering if it's too late to change careers or try something new or move elsewhere or embark on a creative project, we sound just as cute.
It's never too late.
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Don’t date anyone who you wouldn’t want your future child to be like when they grow up
-My Friend’s Mom
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Most people are very quick to see the wrongs that others have done to them. But very slow - if not completely incapable of - seeing the wrongs they’ve done to others.
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If you are willing to do only what's easy, life will be hard. But if you're willing to do what's hard, life will be easy.
-T. Harv Eker
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You are not interesting because of what you’ve experienced in your life. You’re interesting to the degree that you’ve grown and deepened from those experiences.
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Here's the part that blew my mind.
When he received the contract with that blank space, he emailed the lawyer and responded with this:
(I'm posting this story with his permission, of course.)
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“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
- Rainer Maria Rilke
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You can’t control how someone else behaves.
You can’t control how someone else feels.
You can’t control the choices someone else makes.
Sometimes the best way to support a partner is by not trying to control them at all.
And trusting their inner wisdom will likely guide them…
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It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.
- Paulo Coelho
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Someone I was interviewing the other day said:
“Hate is the new tolerance.”
I asked what he meant.
He explained that he was raised with values about tolerating different people, beliefs, and viewpoints.
Now we are living in an era of “pick a side” - where one side is good and…
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Normally in publishing, you earn 10 percent on paperback, 15 percent on hardcover, 25 percent on ebook.
So we just said that 15 percent was the average.
He then doubled that.
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“I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.” - George McGovern
Video of Ukrainian father saying goodbye to his kids while he stays behind to fight.
Fuck war.
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One of the most loving things you can tell your partner is: "You don't have to change that behavior that frustrates or annoys me. I'll work to change the way I respond to it."
Note that we are obviously not talking here about self-harmful or other-harmful behaviors, such as…
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What would happen to our lives, our world, if the parent could unconditionally affirm the child, saying in so many words: “You are precious to us; you will always have our love and support; you are here to be who you are; try never to hurt another, but never stop trying to become…
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