6 Dog Nipples
@necrobranson
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M&M Lore Explained
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lmao. Can't believe Donald trump is married to a chick named Flotus
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(Waking up after drinking 12 beers) i think i have covid :/
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the dumbest thing i do is get annoyed by one specific thing a guy does and then i pretend it is a universal feeling. an old guy held the door for me when i was an absurd length away (30 feet) and i thought "old people use politeness as a weapon." what the fuck am i talking about
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i think it's ok if white women make jokes about white guys podcasting. its basically their "women be shoppin". Remember how much we liked saying "women be shoppin". It was fun. And thats how they feel right now. And I think thats beautiful
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(French DJ voice) I just want to say... To all ugly and dumb people. Stupids... I just want to say to you that YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL! (Beat kicks in)
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What did British people think about Austin Powers. Were they mad at us
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hillary is cool. She saw the kermit the frog drinking the tea picture in 2019 and is now basing her entire personality around it and her most die hard supporters (white people who primarily communicate via reaction gifs of black women) absolutely love it
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everyone under 22 is posting things like DO NOT FORCE CHILDREN TO LEARN TO READ IF THEY DONT WANT TO with a bunch of emojis around it in some kind of sick race to the finish line
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sick of conservatives overestimating DEI. Do you know what DEI actually does? All DEI does is make PowerPoints. That’s it. Then they show those PowerPoints to the most important people in the company while they text. After that, they go ignore my emails. That’s it. Nothing else
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If you charge your vape pen by plugging it into the ps4 you get an achievement where the ps4 calls you Chief and Big Man
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netflix designs all of their shows for people who are looking at their phones
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Syndicated columnists get their ideas by being at a manhattan dinner party and watching a 26 year old their 52 year old friend is dating eat the last crostini and then they write an article called Millenials Need to Stop Eating the Last Crostini
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i think if spiderman jingled some keys at the audience in his new movie everyone in the theatre would start laughing super hard
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Being a boyfriend at an office xmas party is what being a Sim is like
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Mother fuckers treat you differently when they know you have magic beans.
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(as a 33 year old man) South Park really did a number on my moral compass growing up :/
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I need ALL my white male followers to repeat after me, once and for all.
I hereby condemn Eric Cartman and his toxic actions and crimes.
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I think the funniest thing about being a peasant would be some King forces you to go fight some guy so you climb a ladder to get into his base and some guy pours scalding hot oil all over you stripping you to your skeleton
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Valentines Day Gift Idea for Guys Who Cheat On Their Girlfriends All The Time
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In nba2k20 career mode they make you stop playing basketball to go to a beats by dre dance party where you tap X to dance to get more fans. You cannot skip this. there's no alternative. Its more embarrassing than anything depression quest or undertale could ever ever do
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Hopping on Twitter to get some unsolicited advice from people too afraid to call to order a pizza
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obama shows up once a year to go 'Hope you have a rocking summer :) - Obama' and a bunch of tucked in shirt people start raising the roof
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We went from this to cell phones, fast food, and "getting lit".
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if anyone out there is feeling depressed, feeling bad, or feeling sick or whatever, I just want you to know that I feel pretty good
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I would fucking love to be a Kennedy. I'd go to Wesleyan on an alcoholism scholarship and hang out with other inbred yacht people. Then I'd change my accent for a failed senate bid and accidentally kill some women. At like 40, I'd retire by permanently becoming a member of House.
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I hate it when I see a picture from the year 1998 or something and it looks all old and shitty. I was there man. I don't remember any of that stuff looking old and shitty. This sucks. I'm going to die soon. I probably don't have much time left. I'm just an old chunk of coal
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i hope nothing BAD happens to the supreme court justices. i hope nobody does anything crazy to the supreme court justices. i hope nobody feels the need to take anything into their own hands that would be soooo saaaad ohhhh
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Crossing the border into venezuela while holding an m4 and breathing with my mouth only and immediately stepping onto a rake which flies into my nuts causing me to hip fire into all of my mercenary friends
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The two fat guys at a pickup game who agree to guard each other
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deep in the Opinion mines, covered in mud and ash, I hit a big rock with a pickaxe. it splits open. A glimmer falls through the rubble as my filthy fingers search. silently, I grasp "It's Gay for a man to decorate a Christmas tree". my family will feast on quote tweets tonight
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you know a guy is super hot when people on here are saying "i actually don't find him hot". That's when you know you got a really hot guy on your hands. No one is saying "i actually don't find him hot" about me. No one has to say that. They gotta say it about that guy
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i bet right now there is a kid in quebec saying that gta 6 is going to take place in quebec
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a lot of people say they hate landlords but are paying one of those mfers every month. Nails emoji. How do i do the nails emoji. Nails
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Warren breaks female stereotypes by taking 60000 selfies
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Ted Lasso is exclusively recommended to me by people who make like 80k and over a year
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If monogamy sounds too boring for you, but polyamory seems too messy and emotionally complicated, there's a brand new type of relationship out now. It is called Cheating On Your Wife
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remember to get out there and vote today. This is the most important election of our lives.
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witcher 4 teaser: a cross eyed man with a bowl cut and in a dunce cap says "Doo hoo hoo, witcha, welcome to my pisshole, we dont like your type here. Prepare to kill me in one hit"
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31 year old Yale Graduate born in a bunker in Martha's Vineyard family net worth 43 million (early investor into anal sex) in the writers room of She Hulk: Perhaps She Hulk could be sent into one of her iconic rages because of mansplaining
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anyone else pumped for the vaccine to hit so we don't have to wear condoms anymore?
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My dad watched every game of the 2009 St. Louis Rams 1 - 15 season. He used to mow the grass at half time to calm down. He would change clothes multiple times during the game. No one in LA will ever suffer like that. I officially issue a Branson Blood Curse against the LA Rams.
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I worked in group homes for fucking years with kids that have been through actual hell and not one of them ever had the level of self identified victimization that your average twitter journalist has
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Lebrons basketball talent robbed him of a whole regular life. He feels like a coworker who should be showing me the worst youtubes of all time. I should be saying "damn that is crazy man" to him while I look the other way
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Blind Man Sees For The First Time in 34 Years And Immediately Begins Rapping
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to me, cormac mccarthy was great because he had a style with brutal, unique diction. i think part of the reason he was so unique is because he didn't hang out with writers. no talking shop, no over explanation, he just let his brain be this locked room
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The Mandalorian is NOT a show for babies. Want proof? Here's a picture of me CRYING during it.
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it is really funny to be in your thirties and describe yourself as shy
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Old lady at the library was telling people that Bruce Willis got dementia from memorizing too many lines for movies
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basketball is amazing. the shape of the ball is perfect for going through the hoop. it's like nature knows somehow
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Hello, lower class whites! Put down your beer bongs - I have come to educate you! First, let's take a look at my pinned tweet,
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marine biologist breaks down every inaccuracy in Spongebob: "There's no way a person could fail their driving test that many times."
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Remember, pace yourselves when drinking this new years Eve. For every Beer you have, have a glass of milk in between to stay hydrated.
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any time anyone makes some super generalized statement like "bi people do xyz", they're always just talking about one person in specific that they know. "Cis men with bowl cuts are obsessed with the battle of teutoberg forest" - that's just Carl. That's not a thing. It's Carl
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Soon there will be skins for movies. You'll be able to download an Oceans 11 DLC that puts George clooney in the borat swimsuit when you watch it. It'll give bernie mac cornrows. I don't like it, but you can't fight the future
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It sucks Michael ian black spent so many years trying to fuck Meghan McCain (No. 00 - Fullback - The View) only for her to get roided out like vince wilfork and now he's Republican due to the sunken cost. Any way i hope nothing bad happens to them. Hope no one does anything to th
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John Daly was born to feel good. He is the reincarnation of Bacchus. He denies himself nothing and excels at everything. He should live on Mount Olympus. He doesn't know what water tastes like.
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Just got off the phone with war. Not good news guys. My photographer was there to catch these candid moments.
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i see other people post stuff like this on here where they say like "women with bangs will low key look straight into your soul" and i know exactly how their life is going
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Cooking a ham in the dishwasher today. I don't matter. Nothing I do matters.
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The
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job of a bf is to get glasses of water. But sometimes the bf is not respected for his task. That's why I'm issuing the Get Your GF A Piping Hot Glass of Water Challenge and show them who is boss. They're going to look stupid as fuck trying to drink that hot water
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Kamala supporters after a loss: frothing at the mouth, trying to get whole hashtags arrested, joined pete's campaign and made him to talk like obama, jocks
Warren supporters after a loss: grubhub meals delivered to their bathtub, keep referring to her as their mom, wimps
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remember if you see an alien do not be a big gossip about it. Say "wazap". Shake hands. Look them in their eyes and say please and thank you. They want to show you cool shit but if you act like a pussy or tell other people about them you kind of make us all look like nerds
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playing with a toy truck is awesome when there isnt a bitch there telling you that you're 34...
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it is kind of fucked up for an 80 year old guy to get a puppy
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i get annoyed whenever people talk about the concept of rehabilitation on here because its just about like, comics and journalists. who fucking cares? i worked at a group home in missouri with kids as young as 13 who had murder felonies. talk about them, not some Vice bitch
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a lakers/warriors series will decide the future wardrobe of over 100,000 of the dumbest people you have ever met
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I love sitting in my computer chair holding my nuts and just breathing with my mouth wide open.
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Imagining up a new time of day. 7:77pm. Sounds nice and calm.
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Excuse me miss... Can a white boy on the right side of history holla at you for a minute?
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also you are standing in a field with a thousand other guys and there is a big rock sailing through the air at you and some guy on a horse yells "HOLD FORMATION!" and you just have to get exploded by it
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Hey Leftist Men,
I know you want the revolution and all, but in the name of equality and justice, can You Not keep leaving dates with women in the middle of the date by sprinting to the bathroom and jumping out of the window just after 2 minutes of conservation? Ok? Ok. Thanks.
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Can wait to see people again after getting vaccinated. I am ready to confront them on their troubling behavior. I am physically going to attack them and beat their little asses. I will not forgive anything. I'm basically going to instantly put my hands on them and rip them up
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James Bond: No one on this spaceship knows how to make a good martini.
Hot alien woman: Maybe there's something else you'd like to try?
James Bond: Hold on a second
[James Bond grabs a nearby 4'3' gray alien by the ankles and whips his head into the wall, killing him instantly]
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Everyone thinks monkeys are cool now. Fuck monkeys. Little rats. Thieves and bastards. Kill monkey. Fuck monkey. Death to monkey 100.
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ATTENTION: I am doing an Age Purge of the followers of my account. If you are too young to recognize this man, please unfollow me at this time.
Warm Regards,
Branson
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has any academic or genius or anyone looked into why there is so much simpsons porn and what it means
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Obama is such a fucking old loser man. Hey everyone check out my summer playlist! Sitting on a fucking yacht with Richard Branson and Piers Morgan and the capra demon listening to Husker Dü going "ohsome! This ones going on my summer playlist!" Fuck you!
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Not really into talking about the virus. Not into political stuff. I'm more into getting Sucked
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ADHD seems to be a disease that makes you make constant infographics and thats it
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I was disgusted to see the Lakers honor Sebulba at halftime. Even during the ceremony he had his hands all over the Lakers girls. Absolutely zero class.
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The American People should be able to choose their President's Haircut
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i think there should be a unesco world heritage site equivalent for someones personality. charles barkleys personality is not made for 2021 and it should be protected. He should be allowed to say stuff like "women have that arm fat that looks like a big piece of hanger steak".
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my dad has been posting on a st louis cardinals web forum on a local news site for a decade. He doesn't have any truly awful opinions. He has never got a facebook or a twitter. He has posted forever and never bothered anyone. This is model internet behavior for all real old guys
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Her: let me see your conversations with your male friends to see if you are engaging in toxic behavior without my knowledge.
Me:
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Feeling really bad for all the retail employees and service workers who are going to get destroyed by Warren die hards taking her loss out on them tomorrow
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