Myk - ๐บ๐ฆ๐ป๐ต๐ธ๐ - Here To Help
@mykola
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โAnd as things fell apart nobody paid much attention.โ Website: Coaching: Book a session I'm worth your time.
The banks of the Olentangy
Joined April 2007
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Between Worlds - What if it's okay to be who you are?
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Yeah, for anyone who missed the memo โ the John Wick franchise is Keanu Reeves gathering the best of the best choreographers and martial artists to create a five-movie arc where each movie represents a stage of grief.
This is him making a statement about grief, in his language.
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Do people not understand that getting a booster shot every six months to avoid suffering and dying and killing your community is actually a wonderful privilege, a gift of modern science, and not some kind of onerous responsibility?
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This guy just Tom Bombadilled so hard that he single-handedly seems to have made a dent in neurodivergent acceptance in general.
You love to see it.
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The real Alex Baldwin story is that they were using non-union crew and thatโs why he was handed a gun loaded with live rounds.
Everything right now is a labor story. We are living through a massive reconfiguration of labor relations and theyโre doing their best to hide it.
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What you need to understand is that Covid hasnโt changed. Itโs not any safer than it was. There is no medical or scientific data driving this decision. Itโs just capitalism.
It is as dangerous as it was when you were masking and staying home.
This should radicalize you.
The CDC is no longer recommending Americans to stay home after testing positive for COVID-19, a major shift in policy that comes as much of the country has moved on from the height of the pandemic.
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every time Mark Hamill is trending it's because the right wing can't reconcile the fact that they enjoy star wars movies with the fact that the main actor has a conscience.
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As a neurodiversity coach and autistic community organizer Iโve learned that โhow are youโ is generally not a good question to ask traumatized hyper-literal people. It just puts us into That Mode.
The autistic urge to respond to โhow are you?โ with an honest answer.
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unpopular fantasy opinion: dragons shit gold. that's why the lairs are filled with it etc, they don't collect it they create it. Think about it - do you ever see dragons bringing sacks of gold home?
No, it's whole cows. Then time passes, then there's gold.
Not rocket science.
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CPTSD is trending, which means if you don't know what it is you're going to learn!
The "C" stands for Complex. PTSD is when you have a traumatic experience so bad you can't process it; CPTSD is when you are exposed to a long series of traumatic experiences and never feel safe.
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Please quote this tweet with a thing that everyone in your field knows and nobody in your industry talks about because it would lead to general chaos.
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Hey, you -- yeah, with the ADHD and the cool projects! You know how all of those projects are, like, 80% done? And how you can't figure out how to get them over the line? And how frustrating that is?
The following thread contains an infohazard, proceed at your peril! ;)
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Major newspapers are literally trying to kill you at this point.
The guardian uses long covid awareness day to share baseless propaganda to minimize this life-destroying condition.
Fuck these people.
Time to stop using term โlong Covidโ as symptoms are no worse than those after flu, study finds
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If a disabled person tells you "I can't do that right now" and your reaction is "sure you can" you may be misunderstanding something.
"I can't do it right now" can be short for "I could do it but it would cost me energy I'm not willing to spend right now", and that's _fine_.
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Hey, how's this for autism 'awareness' month: some percentage of you who are reading this tweet are
#actuallyAutistic
and aren't aware of it.
I'm going to post a bunch of questions I wish I had been asked in this context, years ago. This is not diagnosis! But it's instructive.
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lol what a great definition of 'eventual consistency'
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Iโve known David Byrne is autistic for a while, but I never really listened to the Talking Heads.
What a mistake. This is Autistic music.
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Mine is: literally everything you have ever done on the internet was logged somewhere and can be associated with you if someone is persistent enough. Hell, private investigators can buy your browsing history from your ISP now.
Today's best encryption *will* eventually be broken.
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Been reflecting a lot on neurodiversity in history, trying to figure out where my people were hanging out during various historical eras.
I, uh. I have bad news about the burning of witches.
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Autism: "Let me focus on this subject for 300 hours."
ADHD: "Let me change my focus every 15 seconds."
Autism + ADHD: "Let me tell you superficial details about 10,000 shiny things."
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Every ADHD couple should be assigned a third person with excellent executive function to help run the household, I will not be taking questions as this time but I am looking at the dishes and garbage.
Just looking at โem.
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That Autistic feeling of "Oh no I did a thing wrong, will I be forgiven or is this the one that costs me every ounce of social capital and goodwill that I've built?"
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Iโฆ
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I used meal delivery apps before I knew I was autistic when I worked as a software engineer and considered it a luxury.
Like many such โluxuriesโ I now recognize it as an accommodation, in retrospect.
That only people with money can get accommodations is the problem yโall.
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I found a bottle with a half dozen vyvanse pills from before the DEA decided people with ADHD had it too easy.
Today in celebration of eclipse day I took one.
I feel *so much better* in *every way* and I'm so mad.
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This isnโt โjust more mindless violenceโ the set pieces and story are literally showing us the process of grieving the death of a loved one.
The way you move from denial (sheโs not really gone as long as I have this dog!) to, presumably, acceptance.
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Q: how many autistic people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: that depends entirely on the size and location of the lightbulb. A single autistic person can change most normal bulbs, but changing a bulb in a traffic light requires special tools and collaboration.
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PSA in case you didnโt know the Orcas have organized and are fighting back. They are spreading the knowledge of how to disable ships, teaching other orcas how to do it.
This is not a drill, they are done with our shit in their oceans.
This is next level. A captain whose boat was attacked by orcas off the coast of Spain got footage of them going direct for the shipโs rudders.
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You know what we need?
A name for the specific form of complex trauma you develop if you grow up unaware that youโre
#actuallyAutistic
.
Every person I talk to has the same basic pattern to overcome. It looks like this:
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Me: โthis is an autism account. And a part of my advocacy is telling all you people with adhd that 60% of you are autistic.โ
ADHD twitter: โnahโ
Me: โthis is a Neurodiversity account. Here is how adhd works. Now, here is how it relates to autism.โ
ADHD twitter: โohโ
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Think about that. ADHD people who heal their trauma and their relationship to panic and anxiety and shame *suddenly find themselves unable to do their jobs or focus on their responsibilities*. Why?
Because fear was all that was motivating them. They have to relearn how to want.
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*sings* If you have ADHD you might be autistic too and not know it, and a lot of big ADHD accounts are often including Autistic symptoms in their list of what it's like to be ADHD.
Autism isn't a bad word or scary or anything, it's a valid way of being just like ADHD.
They share so much in common and are often comorbidities.
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Here is a link to all quote-RT's of the original tweet. Twitter should make a button to do this easily.
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Just met with realtor to list my house. We were chatting, just talking about life, and two minutes into that I said โโฆso do you know about Neurodiversity?โ because she had The Thing.
She said no, and I asked if she wanted to learn, so I told her The Stuff and watched it click.
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The story is about who shows up and who drops you when you go through an impossible time.
Itโs about the lengths we go to to make sense of the senseless, and the way grief โ like any destabilizing force โ is a threat to order.
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We have known for a while that trauma manifests in the body, but I realized a thing.
When you are traumatized, itโs a discontinuity in the story of you. Thereโs a piece that doesnโt quite fit, and to make it fit you have to face horrible shit youโre afraid of. So you donโt.
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John Wick 1 is about denial โ heโs still in shock, he has transferred his feelings for his wife onto his dog, and the death of the dog drives him into action.
But heโs also in denial about who he is, believes he can leave the life.
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But. For people who do have ADHD things are a bit more complicated. There are various ways to frame this argument, but the one that I tend to prefer is just: we seem to get dopamine from satisfying curiosity rather than completing goals.
Think about that.
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John Wick 3 includes him bargaining for a stay of execution.
โWhy do you want to live so badly?โ he is asked.
โTo remember my wifeโ he replies without missing a beat.
This subtext is text, if you understand the movies thatโs all this is about.
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The โclinically depressedโ to โundiagnosed autisticโ pipeline.
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John Wick 2 is about anger. Heโs been betrayed and hurt and he breaks all the rules in his rage, making enemies of everyone. It literally ends with the entire underworld going after him, because anger has consequences.
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Autistic People: "Autism Speaks is a hate group."
Allistic People: "Are you sure? Because I've, like, heard of them and stuff. They're really big. Are you sure you're not being dramatic?"
Autistic People: "Yes, we're sure."
Allistic People: "OH WELL NO WAY TO KNOW"
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CPTSD also has flashbacks, but because there isn't a specific memory to flash back to that caused the trauma it takes a different form.
We call them "emotional flashbacks", and instead of remembering an incident your body remembers _how it felt during that time_. Fight/flight.
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Everyone knows autistic people take everything literally, right? Well, sort of.
Do you make puns? Do you hear double-meanings in things others say and riff on them? Even to the point of annoying others? Do you compulsively point out ambiguity, even if you've parsed it?
Yeah.
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The people melting down over this are telling on themselves in a way I donโt think they can see.
There are countless men basically saying โthe only way this makes sense to me is if ponytail was afraid of saying the wrong thingโ and like.
Buddy. You are so scared, huh?
Refusing to answer a hypothetical question because youโre afraid to say the wrong thing isnโt โdebatingโ. Rejecting premise because you donโt like it isnโt intelligent. If youโre praising this guy, youโre in a cult for stupid people.
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One of the most powerful quotes Iโve ever heard was that โpain moves through families over generations until someone is ready to feel it.โ
Shout out to everyone forming the front line against generational trauma and refusing to let it dictate the course of your lives.
Respect.
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TFW you realize youโre the fungible one in most of your relationships. :-/
That vague sense of โthis person is hanging out with me but it could just as easily be anyone else as far as theyโre concerned.โ
Had someone I loved last year withdraw from friendship, explaining thatโฆ
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Do you struggle with emotions, especially with emotions around other people? Do you sometimes suspect that you're not having the 'right' emotional response to something? Do you get _really fixated_ on things like fairness, or truth, or correctness?
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โMy child is neurotypicalโ
your six year old is reading at college level maโam.
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can't *wait* to see how my society turns wet bulb temperature into a question of personal responsibility.
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The way he giggles before he asks โso what?โ
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When you first entered 'society' (for me it was kindergarten) did you have a sense that everyone else must have somehow already known each other? That they all somehow knew the rules and you didn't, or something? Did you spend 5, 10, 15 years playing catch-up?
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It's not simple to pay a bill. It's not simple to call a support line. It's not simple to mail something to something. It's not simple to do any of the billion simple things we are each expected to do every day.
And if you have ADHD, there is no reward. Only lack of punishment.
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Are any graduate students (or soon to be graduate students) looking to make a big impact in Autism research?
Do a study on Autistic Empathy. You will shatter a long-standing and deeply harmful stereotype.
Most Autistic people I know skew towards hyper empathy and nobody knows.
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Your projects are your way of asking the universe a question, and then digging and digging and digging until the universe answers.
You are motivated by curiosity, and that is a blessed gift, not a source of shame. Your unfinished work is the testament to your growth.
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I havenโt watched 4 yet but just bought it on Amazon. This one is ostensibly going to be about depression โ baba yaga hits the rock bottom sheโs been plummeting towards for four movies.
(Not an accident that JW3 ends with Keanu betrayed and shot off a building, falling.)
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If an autistic person tells you โplease donโt speak to me like thatโ it is not an invitation to argue with them as to why the way youโre speaking to them is fine.
It doesnโt matter if you feel misunderstood.
We are so often on the brink, and just begging not to be shoved off.
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Do you need a lot of time alone? Even in a relationship or family, even when you really love the other people in your life, even (especially?) when there isn't anything particularly pressing for you to do?
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I had a really humiliating experience at work today that I'm going to share with y'all because I'm angry.
I was promoted to manager earlier this year, and so I'm participating in a new manager training program. Today was the first session I attended.
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A thing I am realizing is that I am more disabled than I often admit to myself.
If Iโm honest I struggle to feed myself every day. Cooking is too much spoons, so everything I eat is nyc delivery prices. I make a fortune and lose much of it to shit like this.
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Do you find that there are a small number of people in your life with whom you've connected immediately, powerfully, felt like you've known them all your life? People who can finish your thoughts and then add more, who push you rather than slowing you down? Are these people rare?
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Do loud noises cause you distress? Or background sounds that won't quiet stop? Do you prefer to keep the lights off? Are there foods you can't eat or fabrics you can't wear because the textures just "feel bad" in a way you can't explain?
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So, I told y'all that there was an infohazard in this thread, and it's this.
Let's go back to that trail of half-finished art projects. Do you know why you didn't finish them?
Because there's nothing more there for you to learn.
That's it. Why *would* you finish them?
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What else is going on here?
Well, itโs also sort of a commentary on capitalism, right?
John Wick retired, his family had a health care crisis and now heโs forced to go back to work. The systems, ostensibly built on human relationships, always choose violence over human grace.
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When you see a complex system, does your brain get excited? Do you just automatically find that your awareness can easily flow through the system, consider its many parts in relation to each other and the whole, etc? Do you understand more than you can say in this context?
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When you think about interacting with strangers/acquaintances/friends/family, how much effort do you put into being understood? Are you compensating, without realizing it, for the fact that nobody understands you unless you reframe it in terms you've slowly learned they grok?
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If you don't know what's happening you start to feel completely unhinged. "I don't know why I got so angry and scared when my wife asked me to help cook dinner" --> maybe cooking dinner was fundamentally dangerous or unpleasant as a kid for you? etc
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Modern life consists of *tasks*. A never-ending series of clearly-defined simple-to-achieve Things. To. Do.
Not problems to solve, questions to answer, ideas to have, dances to learn, or universes to imagine.
Tasks. To complete.
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The original video, in which a level one bard attempts to manipulate a fey prince.
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Those aren't abandoned projects -- those are the remaining scaffolds from the the space ships that they launched.
It was never about finishing the thing. Forgive yourself for that.
But. If you ever really want to finish a project? Here's the info-hazard.
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Honestly just sobbing at the truth of this. I have been too overwhelmed to read a book for years. I thought it was about Covid, but no. It's because I never recovered from my burnout 5 years ago, I just masked over it.
@AutisticCoach_
I just learned *last night* how many of my Autistc and/or ADHD friend *can no longer read*
Weโre so overwhelmed, overstimulated, hyperfocused yet incredibly distractable because there are constant crises, and none of us can sit down and just read a novel anymore. And we MISS it.
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And the worst part is that not only do you spend all of your time doing this endless series of tasks.
The worst part is the opportunity cost. All of the things you don't get to learn, the questions you don't get to ask, the thoughts you don't get to think.
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I just literally cannot imagine anyone on this planet extending me this much grace. I cannot even imagine it.
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Being autistic means feeling like youโre too much for everyone in your life sometimes and having a legitimate, experience-based fear of being permanently abandoned yet again by someone you love and trust.
How many broken relationships left in my wake without understanding why.
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PTSD is bad enough -- triggers reminding you of that incident will give you a flashback, where you will find yourself in some way back in that situation. You may experience visual hallucinations, you may ruminate on the source of your trauma.
CPTSD is sneakier.
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โAutismโ is a valid and naturally-occurring way of thinking, feeling, and moving through reality.
โAutism Spectrum Disorderโ is what the Allistics recognize as Autism but theyโre wrong. Theyโre conflating Autism+CPTSD as Autism, and then calling it disordered.
These are choices
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@AdrienneLaw
The John Wick movies are a ballet about the five stages of grief, with violence.
He canโt stop at 4, that would short-change us out of Acceptance.
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Do you find that you have some days where you just can't human? Are you, like, mostly fine because that little voice in your head that says everything is on fire is easy enough to ignore, until it isn't and you spend hours sobbing for reasons that you don't understand?
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This and also, neurotypicals aren't actually doing work for all 8 hours of every day. Studies show most people work about 2-4 hours per day and spend the rest of that time in a sort of slack mode.
Nobody tells us this, and it contributes to our burnout when we push.
Autistic and neurodivergent people tend not to apply for a job unless they meet all the requirements of the role.
If this is you, it's holding you back. Here's why...๐งต
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Itโs also got the most astonishingly good fight choreography youโll find outside of Hong Kong action movies. The fights are conversations, each a set piece that acts simultaneously as a virtuoso display of novel constraint-based fight choreography but also Buffy-like metaphor.
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I was undiagnosed as a kid, so I never got subjected to ABA.
Instead, I was subjected to bullying - both at home and at school - to "correct" my behavior.
And you know what? Every time I see a video of a kid in ABA I recognize myself there anyway.
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Struck by a sudden terror that Joss Whedon will announce he has โAspergersโ to try to avoid consequences, and how (1) I would totally believe heโs Autistic and (2) that would be no excuse but would nevertheless be accepted as one by his fans, doing big harm.
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So many autistic people who've done their own research and compared notes have arrived at the following conclusion: autism is massively under-diagnosed. You only get a diagnosis, usually, when you're disabled. And many of us can hide or ignore disability for years or decades.
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I need to live in a big house near a large body of water with 3-5 other autistic people.
We pool our resources and outsource a lot of household labor. We support each other emotionally. We build a unit.
I donโt think โhomeโ exists for me in any other form.
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PSA if youโre depressed and anxious every day and nothing seems to help itโs possible that youโre autistic and donโt know it, and the stress of that mismatch is what youโre mistaking g for depression and anxiety.
Many of us learn weโre autistic and find the depression lifting.
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Fuck, my dad has Long Covid. He got covid at a work meeting right after Christmas and he's still sick, currently on a bunch of meds to help his lung congestion, still.
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I kinda want Neurodivergent people to reclaim "weird" the way that gay people reclaimed "queer".
How many of us have had that word weaponized and used against us by bullies, including caregivers? How many of us relate to it anyway because we ARE fuckin' weird?
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Hey neurodivergent people who struggle with cooking, huddle up real quick I wanna tell you about something I am learning.
The problem with cooking is we are thinking about it as โcookingโ - which is vast.
If you can switch the frame to โpreparing THIS mealโ it changes.
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Now, everyone who has ever rolled your eyes at the idea that ADHD is a disability, ask yourself this:
Have you ever once thought about what it would feel like -- really *feel* like, subjectively, in your body, in your qualia -- to be motivated by curiosity over completion?
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Yeah, it's like this. Until one day you figure out, oh, I'm having a literal PTSD flashback to my religious trauma.
And until you see it you can't address it. Once you see it you start learning to avoid churches unless absolutely necessary. It matters.
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This is one of those traps that NTs donโt even realize theyโre setting. Youโre supposed to ask questions, but not the actual questions that occur to you, those are weird. You need to have the ability to conjure questions you donโt have to make them feel like you care. Exhausting.
the biggest ick from any human is when you're in a conversation and realize they haven't asked one question the entire time
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Imagine not being able to translate your thoughts into words. Imagine if it's not just hard but literally impossible for you to turn a really meaningful and complex thing you fully understand and care about into a communication to any other being.
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Autism: "I can't wait to do project X!"
ADHD: "I cannot do project X until I've done steps A, B, C, D, E and F, which require G, H, I and J, which depends on X, so..."
Autism + ADHD: "I cannot figure out how to start building things I have a burning need to build."
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My theory of European Middle Ages isnโt all bad for us, though. I think we were also the ones in the monasteries, pursuing our special interests.
If the neurotypicals asked we just said we were praying real hard, they love that shit. Then we sell them wine and heal their sick.
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Autism: "I have no idea how to interact with this person."
ADHD: "I have a strong desire to engage with others."
Autism + ADHD: "HI I'M WEIRD I MEAN MYK how are you have you ever heard of taoism or cellular automata do you wanna know why they're the same thing?"
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Imagine "seeing the system" so completely that you can't really distinguish between where one thing starts and another ends - everything is all part of one enormous system, and your brain is playing in it but how can you even describe that?
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And the truth is that when you spend your life that way you are destroying your mental, emotional and physical health in ways that you don't realize other people aren't. You're not living your own life, you're living someone else's script - and that's why reality feels so weird.
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I finished my spiel and she was like *blink blink* โwhat uh do I owe you for this or? How did. What the.โ and now sheโs gonna go do the reading.
Pulling another one out of the matrix. This is the work. Itโs literal.
Now for a fleet of crewed hovercraft. Many to bring to Zion.
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You can only use this trick once. Once you use it, you will have used it, and it will not work again. It may in fact make it even harder for your to focus on completing tasks.
You can finish a project by getting curious about how it'd feel to push through and finish a project.
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Until my mid-20s I would just straight up copy mannerisms, expressions and even values from my friends. I would find the most socially competent person in the room and just practice being them.
Masking is about not being your self, because it doesn't work in public.
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Discovering you're autistic as an adult feels like coming home after spending a lifetime as a guest in other peoples' realities.
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