Tony Martin
@mrtonymartin
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Mayor of SIZZLETOWN | FROM THE HIDEOUT | AUDIOBOOKS etc
Melbourne, Australia
Joined December 2009
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Earthquake in Melbourne. 'Herald Sun' has already blamed Dan Andrews.
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You have to credit the Morrison govt - the second this new variant was discovered, they immediately took steps to allow the church to discriminate against gay people.
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In response to the emergency in NSW, the PM has promised to make available over 250 new photos:
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Dangerous madman at Trump rally escorted off stage by Secret Service:
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We're just not used to a PM whose every moment isn't choreographed, art directed and photographed at cost to the taxpayer:
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Frydenberg on the independents:
'They won’t reveal their funding sources, who is really pulling the strings.'
You mean like Christian Porter?
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And up in the top left corner, one of the worst people in the world:
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Just saw Snoop Dogg be part of an incredible show at some sort of football game. I hope there aren't any old photos of him with a bong that may damage his reputation.
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PM has announced that Federal ICAC will be handled by Aspen Medical.
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Today's Herald Sun 'How Many Mistakes Can You Spot?' puzzle:
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That water they found on the moon has already been diverted to a property owned by Angus Taylor.
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Hearing a lot of talkback nutbags say 'We don't need this lockdown - look at Sweden - they're doing it right.'
Australia.
Population: 25 mil.
Deaths: 34.
Sweden.
Population: 10 mil.
Deaths: 373.
Good one, nutbags!
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'Leigh, the premiers got us through the pandemic while I did fuck-all, but I'm more than committed to taking all the credit.'
#abc730
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Scott Morrison now defines 'close contact' as anyone who has donated upward of $1mil to the Liberal Party.
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I assume having the worst possible person as acting PM is designed to make people actually look forward to Morrison's return.
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I will seek a second opinion from another boxer before I decide:
Don’t vaccine your kids period! The government bully you into vaccine ! Do your research on the shit & watched the documentary vaxxed ...
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Things to Do: Menace, control, bully, intimidate and silence some female MPs. Then it's curry night with Jen and the girls!
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Masks back on, Melbourne. Make like Phil Gaetjens and COVER UP!
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Surely only a matter of time before John Coates wins LNP preselection.
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As always, I spent Christmas day with voice-over legend Pete Smith and his extremely well spoken family. Cheers, everyone!
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The Melbourne lockdown is only five days? The 'Herald Sun' gang are going to have to work fast to undermine this one.
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I WON THE TOUR DE FRANCE!
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Frankly, I'm sick of our MPs and Senators, coming over here, taking the jobs of real Australians.
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Surely we’re only days away from David Speers announcing his engagement to Peter Dutton.
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Wouldn't it be great if, at one of these press conferences, someone asked Lord Smirkington point blank why he was sacked from Tourism Australia.
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Pillage People.
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I agree, working from home is dangerous. Someone might drive through the front of your house!
The bed wetting boomers at
@3AW693
are sooking we haven’t been compulsorily muzzled & ordered to work from home. First
@3AWNeilMitchell
now this 🤡 Stevenson. This is how Andrews got away with the world’s longest lockdown…Melbourne’s media cheer squad…
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Greg Hunt: 'Yeah, but what's to stop someone just carrying the whole machine home?'
This is what a prepared government looks like. Rapid Test vending machine in Germany
#auspol
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Engadine Humperdinck.
Name the singer.
Wrong answers only.
I’ll go first.
And last.
Whiteloaf
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The
#ABC730
'balanced' recap of the election campaign consisted of a 10-minute Leni Reifenstahl-style compile of Morrison photo ops, followed by a 30-second selection of Albo 'gaffes'.
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Another one of these naive young people who've been brainwashed by the left:
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Found this: the ABC ‘complaints book’ the night the first episode of ‘The Late Show’ went to air:
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When I said that Julia Gillard should be drowned at sea, what I meant is that she should 'go jump in the lake'. A common expression and a slip of the tongue, nothing more. Just like when I incited the Cronulla riots. I actually meant 'Have a nice day'.
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As I've mentioned before, Melbourne already has a Margaret Court tribute building, in Brunswick:
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Just saw a woman going off at Coles staff because 'all the cans of tuna are made in Thailand!' When asked why this is a problem: 'The virus!!!'
#notsoquietaustralian
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Rio Tinto already planning to blow it up:
Newly discovered just outside of Verona, what could be this year's biggest discovery - an almost entirely intact Roman mosaic villa floor!
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People love to slag off the PM, but you have to admit that making sure there's no way you can get a test is a brilliant way to push down the numbers.
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Remember when Tony Abbott was the LNP's Minister for Women? I keep thinking it was a sketch, but it really happened.
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Can someone explain to Melbourne's fuckwits that you're still allowed to go to the shops:
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Attempt to walk all of Melbourne now in year 15. Got to Pinewood shops yesterday. How did I not know about the Waverley Cinema? Like stepping back in time. Family-owned, all tickets $8. Check out their home-made website:
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His defence appears to be 'You knew we were crooks when you voted for us':
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If only the US Attorney General, the Supreme Court, all those state and federal officials and cybersecuity experts had thought to consult the guy from The Footy Show:
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Incredibly unconvincing caller 'Gary' phoned 3AW to demand the Premier return to work. Pretty sure he was reading off a card from the offices of the 'Herald Sun'.
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'I don't care what they taught you in "journalism school", I want ten more pieces on Dictator Dan by tomorrow morning or you can clean out your fucking desk.'
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Defender of George Pell suddenly concerned about child abuse:
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If GetUp is forced to register as a political party, surely News Ltd should do the same:
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Unfortunately, Craig Kelly is my doctor. I've spent the weekend standing under a giant magnet as treatment for Haemochromatosis.
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Spent Christmas Day with the 'Last Men Standing', Pete Smith & Phil Brady. Cheers to all!
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After 15 series,
@madashelltv
pack it in TONIGHT, 8.30 on
@ABCTV
. Relentlessly great work from
@shaunmicallef
, the cast, the writers, makeup artist Karchi Magyar, and all concerned.
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Was wondering why 'Benny Hill' was trending in Australia in 2020:
Video from today’s
#freedomday
protest. Anti-lockdown protesters with police hot on their tails at Elwood Beach. Melbourne. Victoria.
#melbournelockdown
#WWG1WWGA
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I have to constantly remind myself that 'Tim Smith MP' is a real person and not a
@ToshGreenslade
character:
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'Nobody bought our pies because they had too much hot sauce on them.'
'I know what they need. MUCH HOTTER SAUCE!'
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Thanks to all who have pointed out that Andrew Bolt is himself an immigrant. Obviously, when he refers to 'immigrants', he's talking about a particular kind of person he doesn't want to bump into at the Malvern shops.
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Tomorrow, it’s 30 yrs since ‘The Late Show’ first aired. Here’s a ‘TV Hits’ spread from those heady days:
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Today's 'Herald Sun' full of furious pieces about Voldemort 'appearance-shaming' of Peter Dutton.
Yes, this 'Herald Sun':
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Quiet shareholders... Quiet Australians... Church leaders who remain quiet when questioned about child abuse... 'ScoMo' really likes 'em quiet:
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Three radio shows have contacted me today, requesting that I comment on Will Smith.
I said I will only discuss Pete Smith.
Who is frankly OUT OF CONTROL!
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'Sam' was me and I was clearly taking the piss.
Thanks to
@BenFordham
listener, Sam who called
@2GB873
suggesting
@ScottMorrisonMP
appoint me as Chair of ABC. Happy to take the job. First task: privatise the joint & call all jobs up for review/redundancy. Ban woke. Sack the Board. And that’s in the first hour
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They should have broadcast an equal amount of homophobic content:
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Lot of 'conservatives' popping out to the bin tonight:
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Shocked to hear about Cal Wilson. Loved by all and a favourite on 'Get This'. Can't get really get my head around it. Thinking of her family and cats at this time.
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Facebook star furious when police refuse to drag her from car at checkpoint. 'I had the camera running and my followers expect new content!'
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Mind you, I was pissed as a motherfucker, stumbling around the streets, on a massive taxpayer-funded pension, claiming to be an 'outsider', while burbling my racist woman-hating bullshit to anyone sad enough to listen:
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Seriously, how hard is it to keep some of those green bags in your boot, you massive fucking baby:
BOLT: What really ticks me off is the dishonesty in selling this bag ban, that's going to make shopping now so much more of a hassle.
#theboltreport
@SkyNewsAust
MORE:
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Tony Abbott interrupts unbroken 18-month campaign of relentless disloyalty to accuse colleagues of disloyalty.
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And yet 100% of Newscorp employees disapprove. How strange:
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The fly would be the smartest one in that room:
Spotted in the Marble hall of power 👀
@CraigKellyMP
and Pete Evans. They apparently had a meeting earlier this morning. Oh to be a fly on the wall during that conversation.
@australian
#auspol
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Remember, if you're arrested for murdering a whole lot of pensioners, just use the magic phrase 'I don't accept that' and you'll be
#ScottFree
.
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Not a good look for Gatto to be associating with the likes of Porter:
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Australia, we need to settle on a nickname:
#ScottyFromMarketing
#LiarFromTheShire
#Scummo
#Smugmo
#Smirkmo
#Smoko
and now
#Promo
So, which is it?
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She likes young people so much, she recently gave one $200,000:
"It's incredibly selfish of older people or neurotic people who are timid & afraid & won't come out of their basements to confine children & young people to miss out on the most important part of their lives" - Fox News is now straight up blaming old & vulnerable people for Covid
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The good news for Morrison about his insane press conference is that it's made everyone forget when he said Australian women should be grateful they're not being shot at.
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'Make sure you put "sexual consent" in quote marks. Our readers don't buy into that "woke" shit':
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Okay, I'm being told he hates
#ScottyFromMarketing
almost as much as he hates poor people, so that seems to be the leader at this point.
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As is traditional, spent Xmas day with these two industry kingpins:
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