shay ⚢
@mossyfemme
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26 | aroace femme lesbian + vegan Ⓥ | black 🇯🇲 | Often crowdfunding !! | uk | FREE 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩🇮🇷 + all occupied lands.
they/them + fae/faer 🌻
Joined January 2020
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Ways to support in case of future mutual aid requests
Pp:
CA: £shayporwave98
Image credits: Four Corners mutual aid network. Description in alt text
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As a sex repulsed asexual, I have something to say about sex favourable aces: mini thread.
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HUGE reminder that being asexual isn't just a white people thing. Stop writing articles about asexuality and only featuring white aces. Bipoc aces exist and we need the same amount of visibility.
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I love all of you so much, don't let anyone tell you that you are less ace/acespec because you engage /want to engage in sexual activities.
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You are not fake, you are not a tease and there is NOTHING wrong with you. Again don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, listen to yourself and communicate your needs.
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And I'm still learning. I'm still sex repulsed, but I'm also sex positive. I'm no less ace for this, and people like me shouldn't be called the "textbook perfect" ace for being sex repulsed.
Every asexual person is different, and that's what I love so much about being ace!!
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I've learned so much about sex and kink related stuff from other sex favourable aces, and its been a comfortable experience bc of how we relate to one another for being ace/acespec.
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I love my sex favourable aces so much and I will protect them with everything I have, because by them being open about it, they have taught me all the things sex related in a way that was comfortable with me and was always open to questions.
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If anyone's interested in learning about asexual people here's one fun fact: the opposite of asexual is not hypersexual, it's allosexual.
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Remember to include asexual and aromantic people in your conversations this pride month.
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"Aah oh no! Sex scenes! Think of the asexuals!"
"Sex is gross, if you're asexual you are based"
As an asexual, leave us alone and do not use us to push your weird incel + anti sex agenda. Thanks!
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I'm gonna say this again: if your sex positivity doesn't involve asexuality / the absence of sex, then you're doing it wrong.
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If you're not asexual, you don't get to determine who is and who isn't asexual based on whether they have sex, or not.
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How most ppl see aroaces: sad, lonely, bitter.
How aroaces really are: thriving, chilling, breathing fire (secret), baking
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It makes no sense to me how people preach sexual and romantic liberation then completely shit on people who aren't romantic or sexual for any reason? Like I'm romantically and sexually liberated because I'm aroace & free to do what I please
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This international asexuality day, as well as everyday, please treat us with respect. There are so many of us and we all are tired of the misrepresentation and stereotyping that comes with being asexual.
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As an aroace, I'm tired of people telling us that we are "basically straight".
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Some Asexual people are sex workers.
Think about that before you bully us and try to blame us for OnlyFans taking down explicit content. Asexual sex workers will be affected too.
Asexual doesn't mean anti sex and anti sex work.
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@ebriff24
I'm so sorry, my account is always safe for all sex favourable aces, I'm not good at wording things properly 😅.
You're so welcome, it's tough enough as it is being asexual, I just wanted to make it clear that I support you all :)
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Stuff like this aphobic discourse is the reason why proper sex education needs to be taught in schools. A lot of us would've known better about ourselves, if we weren't told that there's something wrong with us for not experiencing sexual attraction, or having sex.
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Being aroace to me means I get the freedom to make my own rules around anything and I wish more people realised they they can do that too.
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If you're not asexual stop spreading misinformation about asexual people. If you wanna learn, a lot of us are open to tell you, based off our experiences.
Not being sexually attracted to people isn't the same as not enjoying sex, and a lot of people don't understand this.
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Aromantic and Asexual people are brilliant and nobody can tell me otherwise 💜 💚
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Exclus be like "asexual is a fancy word for virgin!!!" Without realizing that there are a lot of asexuals who have sex & enjoy it, or have tried it in the past. We are no less ace because of this.
Plus there is also nothing wrong with being a virgin whether you are allo or not.
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I wish people didn't attack aces for the clothes they wear.
A lot of people preach how clothing doesn't mean consent and stuff which is true, yet they'll criticise aces for wearing clothes that are deemed "sexual".
what do you wish more people understood about being ace?
for me it’s that it really is a spectrum and we have a wide variety of experiences, and that doesn’t make one person more or less ace, and not having sex has nothing to do with a persons worth.
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If you are black and you are arospec / acespec pls respond to this tweet so I know I am not alone because sometimes I feel like I am the only one and I KNOW I'm not
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I still think about that reddit thread where someone was like "I wish I was aroace so I wouldn't feel the need to have a partner"
WELL do I have some news for you 🧍🏿♀️
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How come when allos mention they hate sex, they are called empowering and inspiring, but when I, an asexual mention I hate sex and I'm not interested in it, suddenly the aphobe alarm starts ringing????
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We are getting tired of explaining the difference between sexual attraction and sexual action. Also why are most allos so obsessed with whether an asexual person has sex or not? /gen
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Just a lil reminder that Aromantic people deserve recognition too. Aromantic is a whole identity and not another word for asexuality. You can be aromantic and allosexual or aromantic and asexual and vice versa. Please give aros the boost they deserve.
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The good thing is that more and more acespec & arospec ppl are talking about our identities and being open about it, which is making more people feel seen and are able to come out.
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Looking up at amatonormativity and how it controls all of us it makes me really think. There are people out there who think they're a failure because they haven't fallen in love, married or had kids. They think it's bad to bring a friend to events instead of a romantic partner.
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GIVE BLACK AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL PEOPLE A PLATFORM!!! Being aroace is Not a white people thing!! If you refuse to let us amplify our voices through your services then you're one of the many reasons why black people are so sexualized.
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"Abstinence and celibacy are choices, asexuality isn't" 👏🏿 👏🏿 Say it again!
Asexuality is an umbrella term and exists on a spectrum. There are many ways to identify within the asexual community but don't get confused: abstinence and celibacy are choices — asexuality isn’t.
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People are too quick to accept people who have sex without being in love but the second an acespec person has sex, all hell breaks loose.
If you can have sex without being in love, you can be in love without having sex.
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"I wish I was aroace so I wouldn't have to experience relationship drama!!" Hey buddy sit down for a sec, I have a story to tell you.
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What I do everyday as an aroace that might shock allos, a thread:
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Shoutout to all the aces/aros over 30 thank you for being supportive and paving the way for us 'baby aces/aros' 💜💚
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Mine is when allo couples assume that because I'm aroace that means I don't experience loneliness. Or when they assume I'd make a great third wheel. (Staring at you bumble bff)
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Me: spongebob is canon asexual!!! Not gay!!!
Also me: can we stop giving asexual roles to animals and objects pls I wanna be represented by a human being not a sponge 😭
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I'm kindly begging allos to stop saying "queerplatonic" when you mean gay best friends. Please. As cute as it all sounds, queerplatonic is very different to being close friends with someone.
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Or that 'aces don't face discrimination' we absolutely do. Every day 😭
Aces are the most likely queer subgroup to undergo conversion therapy. Remember that before you say that aces don’t face conversion therapy. 🌈
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@nocturnalxlight
@glasstyy
Exactly! When it comes to traditional names, schools dont wanna know but when it comes to long mostly white dominated names they put all the effort in like ??
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Hey allos please stop saying you're aroace whenever you've been through a bad breakup. Surely getting hurt will most likely put you off dating but that isn't the same as not experiencing attraction.
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"Love is love" - remember that not all love is romantic love so when you say that please be mindful that Aromantic people and people who don't do romance in general do exist.
Love may be love but there are more ways of loving someone than just romantic.
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Asexual character who is moody and an outcast, starts having sex and is suddenly 'fixed'.
Like fixed from what ???????
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2 years ago I was blaming my asexual identity for being so shit at dating and even worse at getting a partner.
2 years later I'm asexual, still awful at dating and getting a partner but at least I'm happy, open and comfortable with it.
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I love being asexual so much. Its something I'll forever be proud of, because I found myself through my aroace identity and through that, I found self love and acceptance which is what I need to help me get through my 20s. Happy asexual awareness week ❤️💜
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If your sex positivity excludes asexual people, because you think its 'too vanilla' then you're not practicing it right.
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"I hate people I wish I was aromantic asexual because I'm tired of getting my heart broken" has the same energy as "I hate men I wish I was a lesbian bc girls are easier to date"
Pack it in the lot of you. Aros, aces and lesbians all go through enough as it is.
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You are no less of a person for being single than someone who is in a relationship or married.
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This aro week please put your focus on aromantic people. Asexual people are important, and they have a week too. They aren't treated the best either but aromantic people are treated even less than important.
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Saying aseuxal/aromantic people aren't important because we are the "last letter in the acronym" isn't the serve you think it is.
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Being aroace to me means the world. I love finding a label that fits me so perfectly I am able to yell about it. I love how free I feel knowing that I'm not a failure for not being married w kids at 24.
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I love being a black asexual. I love telling people to their faces about being asexual and how I refuse to be sexualised not only due to my skin colour but because I discovered my asexual identity and decided to be loud about it.
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Because amatonormativity is so strong in society that you can't even hold your friends hands, and people think that a long term relationship without marriage being the end goal is a 'waste of time'.
It's sad. It's so sad.
i don’t think it’s fair that physical touch is so heavily sexualized & romanticized in this society. it’s so frustrating that intimacy is denied in friendships bc of it’s association with romantic attachment. can i just hold you out of platonic love?? why is that not normalized??
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I'm not sure how long it's been since I discovered I'm aro but it's been under a year.
As an aromantic I still date, I still hug & kiss my friends and I'm still open to relationships. I'm no less of an aromantic for this and I don't want to be seen as the 'model aro".
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If you dont fall in love or have sex before you reach 30 you are not a failure and there is nothing wrong with you. You could be 50+ and still be able to live your life without the comfort of others. Romance and sex are a bonus, if you are into it but if not, you are still human.
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This is a special shoutout to all my asexual friends who are flirty, confident, sassy and friendly. I love you. One day I'll be like you, I am befriending all of you rn ❤️
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One thing I'm tired of is allos asking Acespec ppl invasive questions.
Ask us about your identity and how its helped us, not about our body count, or if we masturbate 🙃
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I know I've found some pretty cool friends, when I can open up about being asexual, and instead of being met with pity, I'm met with an open positive conversation where we can talk about sex without me being shamed for being ace and sex repulsed.
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"I wish I was aroace so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone!" Mate, please take a seat
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If it wasn't for the online aromantic community, I probably would still be questioning why I struggled in past relationships and why I've never been in a long term one.
I have to say the online community as I don't know any aromantic people irl.
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Stop telling teenagers they need to find a monogamous, romantic and sexual relationship by the time they reach 25 or else they'll be considered a failure challenge.
#Aromanticism
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Being demisexual/romantic is not the same as being allo. I wish people would understand that demi doesn't mean 'waiting to have sex or fall in love after getting to know the person'.
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I love my older ace & aro/spec friends like if you're 30+ (I'm 23 and I know 30 is not old) then hello you've done so much for us and younger aces & aro/specs ❤
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@gyroshole
Think of sexual attraction as feeling hungry and sexual action/having sex as eating food.
Asexual means little to no sexual attraction, but people can and do still engage in sexual stuff (sexual action) without bring attracted to them physically:)
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Spotted in Birmingham new street station. Whoever put this there, I see you fellow ace ❤️
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So there's a queer / queer sex art exhibition on at my workplace and I had a look at it and I didn't expect asexual and aromantic representation to be mentioned. Here's a photo I took!!!! I feel seen!
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Having a crush while being aroace is so mind boggling, yet so cool bc I feel like I'm bending the rules a bit
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I think its important that people, allo or not need to know that there is more to life than romance and sex and even if you are romantic and sexual person, it's great to know that those things aren't mandatory. Like our schools tell us they are.
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Not to mention that as a black asexual person I'm already stereotyped to be sexy and appealing to the male gaze all while not even being attracted to men. And then I'm expected to marry and have children. It's so hard.
It's been around a year since I last said that the asexual community has a racism issue that it isn't ready to address and it feels like nothing has changed. The mentality of, "We're a minority so we can't discriminate against others" is so ironically strong, considering -
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I can't believe that in 2021, people still think polyamory / non-monogamy is the same as cheating 😭
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I don't think any of my taken friends will understand that I will always talk about feeling isolated not for being single but for being aroace too. Mostly because I've been so used to being left behind whenever people I knew got into a romantic relationship.
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Me: stop comparing aromantic people to robots!!
Also me: same google robot lady
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Sex positivity and sexual liberation does not mean sleeping with loads of people, and shaming those who don't.
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@HammerUK9
@ultrarotom
Thank you so much, I'm not the best at explaining things fully, as I'm still learning a lot myself, but I will always have respect for aces who are sex favourable, they don't deserve the hate they get. :)
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Bisexual and Asexual people are often treated the same when it comes to exclusion and how the rest of our community treats us but I feel as though asexuals get pushed away more.
On a more serious note: I'm disappointed with the bisexual community's lack of inclusion, support+ solidarity for the asexual community over the last years;no change ever since.
#BWithTheA
- this could be us but you're still trying to live up to homocentric standards of queerness
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I kissed my new ace friend. We bonded over being ace and being sex positive they're so cool !
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"Date some who-"
"Get yourself someone who-"
"Be with someone who-"
Mate it's okay to be on your own sometimes you know. 🙄
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Allos please remember that being aromantic and/or asexual doesn't mean you hate everyone.
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I'm gonna need allos to do some thorough research on queerplatonic partnerships because it does not mean "just friends", that's platonic.
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@arden_alexandra
We are! But people often exclude us from anything that involves asexual related tv shows and articles about asexuality
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Currently, as an Asexual in my early twenties, I'm being mocked for being ace. They say that I don't exist, which is why this pride month, I'm partnering with the void -
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If you plan to get with asexual people in hopes that they'll 'warm up to the idea of having sex' then you are an awful person
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