Erin "Skeleton Factory" Ryan
@morninggloria
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Pinned Tweet
we urgently need to bring back quaaludes. bored white american housewives without the calming aid of quaaludes turn into qanon posters, MILFS for liberty, marjories taylor greene, etc
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If you recharge by being left alone, sorry pal but motherhood might be psychologically challenging
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the next time somebody makes a comment that my 10 month old daughter is "flirting" or has another baby as a "boyfriend," i'm going to tell them that it's weird to project sexuality onto infants and besides, she's a lesbian
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we all owe the LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE guy an apology; he was right and we were jerks
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Damn girl is that a concealed handgun in your waistband or are you just being forced by the state to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term
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"what if your mom was pro choice?"
well doris, she was and is, which is pretty cool because i know she actually wanted to have me.
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Hello my name is Tryzlynne, I’m 23 years old, I’ve been dating my boyfriend Toddley (22) for 8 years, neither of our frontal lobes are fully developed, and today I am giving him an ultimatum: go in debt for a 200 guest wedding and get me pregnant within 5 days or lose me forever
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Everyone: once I’m vaccinated and it’s safe I’m going to have the horniest summer of all time
CDC: it’s safe
Everyone: now hold on
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personally if it were the early 1990s and i were a dartmouth-educated attorney and knew that my elderly mother was still working as a waitress in order to pay off student loans... i would help her not have to do that. but maybe that's just me!
My mom worked as a waitress until she was 73 to help pay for our college, even helped with loan repayment. Loan forgiveness just another insult to those who play by the rules.
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remember that poll that found 1 in 8 men think that they could score a point against serena williams in a game of tennis? i think of that every time ted cruz speaks
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Today I gave birth to a little baby girl with enormous hands
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Have people considered that perhaps part of the reason fewer American women are having babies is that having a baby seems like an enormous pain in the ass in every possible way
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There's a lauded, award-shortlisted book written about how exclusion of women from product design, crash testing, drug trials, etc has literally killed us. It's called "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado Perez and everybody should read it, especially fucking dipshits.
This cannot be real!
“The use of female crash dummies….”
Omg I just can’t 🤦🏻♀️
This is insane. The democrats are insane. Watch 👇🏼
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the queen will be broken up into hundreds of small pieces and put on display, against her loved ones' wishes, in museums across africa, asia, and the middle east
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Moving the goalposts all the way to heaven 😇
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NFT's are Beanie Babies for guys who drive Teslas
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if president biden declared "breathing" mandatory, half of texas would suffocate itself on purpose
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Wait until she learns how toddlers act all the time, for no reason at all
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People who would be afraid of taking the train to Queens out here threatening Civil War
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the most satisfying way for Succession to end would be if the baseball playing boy who Roman taunts in episode 1 returns and beats Roman to death with a bat
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CDC UPDATE: if you're fully vaccinated, the only "mask" you need to wear in public is the elaborate system of defense mechanisms you've built around your true self out of fear that if people knew the real you they'd decide that you're not worthy of love
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"was it painful?"
"yeah"
"like.. compared to childbirth how painful was it"
"worse.... it hurt like being a man forced to nap in a chair"
"oh my god"
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yes child care is expensive and yes it sucks but also people treat traditionally feminized labor like child care like something that has no value and deserves no compensation
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is it possible that generations of american media framing rural areas as cradles of virtue and urban areas as centers of vice has given people in rural areas an unearned sense of moral impunity
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I thought all teachers knew this trick by now but the trick is to put "must include reference to Batman" in extra tiny white font in the prompt somewhere so when it's copy/pasted into ChatGPT the AI spits out an answer that includes Batman. That's how you know they cheated.
AI cheating has really gotten out of control. I'm having students turn in entire long ChatGPT essays in response to tiny assignments. Like they're asked to write one paragraph and I get a full essay filled with fake references.
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Everybody in blue states that was like "phew, at least I'll be okay here on Abortion Island" after Roe was overturned: tomorrow a federal district court is hearing arguments re: an Arizona law that if upheld would establish all fertilized embryos as "persons."
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The best coverage at the time of the Iraq War’s inception was in The Onion
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If Octavia Butler were alive, she could write a book called Well Well Well that only had one page of text, and that text could read "As per my previous work"
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To some, Norman Bates murdered a woman while she showered in his hotel. To others, he was a shy taxidermist who simply loved his mom
To some, Ashli Babbitt, who was killed in the Capitol riot, was a terrorist. To others, she's a martyr and seen as a recruiting tool.
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Caitlyn Jenner is such a liar. Nobody moves from LA to Sedona, AZ because of homeless people; they move there because their astrologer told them to
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i don't regret choosing motherhood but boy oh boy do women not get warned about a lot of stuff that happens to us around pregnancy/birth/caring for an infant
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An adult over 25 and under 80 using the term “birthday week” or “birthday month” is a red flag. Eventually your friendship will be contingent on you attending a 5-day-long bachelorette party in Nashville and a month later flying to a different city for her a bridal shower. Avoid.
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Rep. Katie Porter is-- and I say this with the utmost respect-- fucking terrifying.
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with instagram down, influencers are going to have to go door to door making teenage girls feel like shit about themselves
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this scam is real and could happen to any savvy business reporter who doesn't know whether or not government phone numbers can be spoofed, whether Amazon and the FTC regularly transfer phone calls to each other, whether arrest warrants are public, & who keeps $80,000 in checking
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Oath Keepers attorney Kellye SoRelle green screened herself in front of the Queer Eye loft kitchen for her January 6th committee interview
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Eliminating abortion rights in a country with no federally guaranteed parental leave, shrinking birth control access, no universal health care, no subsidized child care, and a teacher and caregiver shortage. This place goes out of its way to be cruel to women at every turn.
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Finally watching the Britney doc and WHOA the Y2K era was way more vicious and fucked up about women than I remember
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When the billionaires are in space let’s gang up and take all their stuff
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new yorkers are really smug about how smart and informed they are and yet they cannot for the life of them elect a good mayor
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The way that Majorie Taylor Greene is acting in Congress would get almost anybody fired from almost any other job.
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@mikepompeo
I bet this story is real because As a woman I’m always talking to my bosses about my sexuality
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May Justice Kennedy live long enough to see all public goodwill around his judicial career evaporate completely
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Fellas, is it gay to have a wife with a cool job
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@sahilkapur
My dad was a meth farmer, and his dad was a meth farmer, and thanks to cheap imports last year they had to declare bankruptcy and sell the meth farm.
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Has there ever been a more brazen Fuck Around statement than Samuel Alito writing "Women are not without electoral or political power" into the Dobbs decision
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Sam Alito: hey if you fuckers want abortion you can vote for it
Voters: cool, will do
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@parentingonwhls
So send the kid to public school rather than trying to hire a "babysitter" for a "home schooled" child
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Not to be pedantic but PLAN B (emergency contraception) and RU-486 (mifepristone/misoprostol) are totally different medications with different purposes. A deliberate conflation of the two has paved the way for enemies of reproductive autonomy to paint all EC as "abortifacients."
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every pro athlete who uses their first paycheck to buy their mom a house is a better person than laura ingraham
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Marjorie Taylor Greene hasn’t been removed from Congress for behavior that would get a person removed from Buffalo Wild Wings. 2021 House GOP caucus is run like the Dairy Queen that people are scared to go to because they don’t clean the machines and are obviously running meth.
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After you turn 30, you realize that your anxiety in your 20s was over stuff that isn’t actually a big deal; however, there is a whole new set of previously unknown unknowns you’ll learn to be anxious about, thus your anxiety levels will stay the same overall. Hope this helps
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grilling is very important because it gives men something to stand around, look at, and talk about in a social situation where they'd otherwise have to ask people questions about themselves and then listen to the answers to those questions
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Great news: my 25 week old fetus and my adult anxiety have coordinated their schedules, so now at 3 am I get kicked in the guts by a rude baby and kicked in the brain by embarrassment about an encounter at a party 15 years ago, in Chicago, with a person I no longer speak to
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@AlexanderShur
color me skeptical-- real pro choice activists wouldn't graffiti in that live/laugh/love-ass font
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Know what’s sexist? The fact that almost two thirds of minimum wage workers are women, and that elected officials are empowered to help them but choose not to.
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Ted Cruz is the Prego sauce poured directly onto a countertop of Senators
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ladies: a fun way to troll a male soccer fan is to ask him to explain the off sides rule and then keep repeating it back to him, but slightly wronger each time. this works for all sports.
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When my sis was a kid she’d call people “Petey” as code for “penis.” We had a no name calling rule in our house. My parents knew what Petey meant & she knew that they knew but kept doing it anyway & kept getting in trouble. She was 4. That’s what Let’s Go Brandon reminds me of
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Jessica Walter’s performance in Arrested Development made me look forward to one day being a mean old bitch. RIP.
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a better way for victoria's secret to revamp its brand would be to try changing it up by making high-quality bras that fit comfortably and look nice
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don't self-soothe by pointing out that you'll still have access to abortion if you live in blue states/are well off. says who? can your local clinic handle the influx? who says you get to skip the line when so many others seem convinced they'll be able to, too?
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Ivanka Trump is “rehabbing her image” but I wouldn’t worry unless her doctors have figured out a way to inject charisma into her face
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The “workers don’t want to work” framing is a trap and I can’t believe how many people are falling for it.
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Pouring one out for all the performatively liberal/privately conservative LA celebrities who showed their entire asses by being With Her and Against Hate and then supporting
@RickCarusoLA
for mayor. We see you! 💕💕💕
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This RSV that is going around is no joke and if you have a friend or family member with a baby please consider postponing a visit with them or if you must visit masking up the entire time. Please. Adults don’t get hit very hard with this. To babies it can be life threatening.
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Was Sinema taken over by brain worms? I’m old enough to remember when she was running for Congress as an openly bisexual atheist with progressive ideas and now she’s just an asshole who thinks it’s cute to stick it to the poor
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On one hand you have to give up everything from oysters to alcohol to amusement parks to saunas for the better part of an entire year but on the other hand it costs more than a house used to cost if anything goes wrong but at least it also might kill or maim you permanently
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Phil Valentine died of COVID after mocking the disease as a hoax and spreading misinformation about the vaccine. He was on a ventilator for weeks. The Senator must have run out of space to include those details; there's no way she'd omit facts in a manner that was self-serving.
Phil Valentine was a visionary for the conservative movement, and he made an enormous impact on the lives of many Tennesseans. My deepest condolences and prayers are with Phil’s wife, Susan, and his family. May they be comforted and surrounded by love during this difficult time.
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People who have been radicalized by email forwards and Facebook memes think their kids who are on TikTok all day are being radicalized by a middle school civics unit
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I’ve been memed
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i can't believe how cavalier so many people are about the state forcing (or coercing) pregnant people to give birth. i just gave birth and until i screamed for painkillers it felt like my guts were being yanked at by white hot tongs for 12 hours. how can we force this on people?
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smh nobody wants to work anymore
Shocking news from Fox: Tucker Carlson is out at the network.
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Like reproductive justice advocates have been saying for years and years: they're coming for YOU and they won't stop unless something stops them.
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I recommend pregnancy for anybody who wants to get kicked in the ribs by a nude stranger that weighs between 1 and 10 lbs
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~ as somebody who once held their series 7 (stockbroker) license~ regular people day trading individual stocks is a TERRIBLE idea, and until today I didn’t realize that there was an UNLESS attached to that. and the unless is: UNLESS you are teaming up to take down a hedge fund
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how about the reward for getting vaccinated is that everybody else doesn't fucking hate you
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Why aren’t more primarily children’s activities considering the needs of me, a middle aged man
I love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience | Commentary
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the founding fathers intended for this to end in a duel
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do you ever get like 3/4 of the way through a novel, and you're at the emotional height of the story, and you're like, wait a second: who the fuck cares? i hate all these imaginary people and their dumb problems
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A man catcalled me and then apologized when I turned around and he could see I am pregnant; I should have told him that my womb is booked until November but I can put him on the wait list in case something opens up
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Between Senator Sinema’s thumbs down fashion and Mumford & Sons’ alt right sympathies, things that were cool 12 years ago have faced a real reckoning this week.
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Didn't have enough characters to explain the whole thing:
Okay give me your most Trump-like solutions for the stuck ship.
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ingraham's mom only lived 6 years after retiring from working at a steak house to pay off her student loans (she passed in 1999). very cool thing for laura to draw attention to
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All these books for women about leaning in and speaking up and raising our hands and not one book for mediocre white men urging them to improve their own workplaces, friendships, and families by shutting the fuck up more.
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You voted against it you stupid bitch
Independent restaurant operators have won $28.6 billion worth of targeted relief.
This funding will ensure small businesses can survive the pandemic by helping to adapt their operations and keep their employees on the payroll.
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If you’re tired of COVID canceling your plans, have a baby. Your plans will still be canceled but at least you can dress the baby in little outfits
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@daHoovster
if heterosexuality is what god intended then why does it need to be enforced from childhood
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if i were mitch mcconnell i'd promote unity among my caucus by allowing mitt romney to punch josh hawley as hard as he wants in the stomach, one time, with no backsies. cmon mitch it's the right thing to do.
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Freeing Britney is like 100 times more important than this
Amid a deadly pandemic and economic carnage, Jim Jordan says "cancel culture" is "the number one issue for the country to address today"
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Aging out of cultural relevance by refusing to learn and adapt is not the same thing as being canceled
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Cats want to kill us so badly but they’re too tiny to do it, and that’s fucking hilarious.
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“Ugh I’m such a Carrie!”
- me every time I get revenge using my telekinesis
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