Michelle, Cacophony of Ineptitude
@michellethestan
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When Josh Lyman said 'The internet people have gone crazy' he meant me. Mod ⭐Care and Keeping of Unicorns⭐ @izzyhandszine she/her
Blackbeard's Horny Jail
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Twenty tickets to the Barbie movie, please.
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I lost focus and had 20 consensual workplace relationships.
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The knowledge he was doing this while shooting Kraken Scenes makes it so much funnier.
I’m just gonna leave this riiiiight here. You’re welcome internet!
#OurFlagMeansDeath
@TaikaWaititi
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I know that this picture is Tender and Wonderful and Perfect. And I love Mary so much it hurts.
But it is hysterical that he's still holding the skewer. Peak comedy. A+. No notes.
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David Jenkins being a Finnpoe Truther and mad about racism in the Star Wars fandom is so important to me, actually.
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Eternally funny that HBO Max made THIS SHOW with Taika Waititi dressed LIKE THAT and just kinda tossed it out into the ether like, "Well, done and dusted, no one will care about that little thing! On to dragons!"
Sirs.
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Me sending one (1) email so far this morning:
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Picture one: Having a laugh with some pirate friends, you losers don't even know what we're about to do to you!
Picture two: Yeah I kissed Taika Waititi. Die mad about it.
it was pointed out to me today that this is the same shirt and I just love the completely different vibes of both of these pictures haha
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We are gathered here today to discuss Edward Teach's penchant for empire waist tshirts that he seems to have purchased at Pirate H&M.
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It's the way the camera makes your eye linger on that exact position of his gun while he stands over cracked jar of mayonnaise on the grocery store floor, Stede Bonnet.
really losing my mind over ed doing his little pose really feeling himself while stede lie there like an uncooked chicken breast
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Underrated comedy that at least two people on the ship *do* speak Spanish so Ecclesiastical Latin is unnecessary, but our captains are such himbos they catastrophize and then be a lighthouse instead of talking to Oluwande for five seconds.
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Imagine what's going to happen on this app the first time it's even *implied* that Ed and Stede fuck.
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RIP Ed Teach and Stede Bonnet you would have hated Snakes and Ladders.
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The realization that if they showed us Lucius and Izzy with a unicorn leg and Ed and Stede seeing each other, what on earth are they *hiding* from us.
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David Jenkins waking up in a cold sweat to see the star of his show that's filming in two months posting skateboarding videos on tiktok.
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Taika saying everyone on the show is on the gay spectrum means Olivia (previously part of the token straight couple) is gonna show up with a girlfriend after a suitable mourning period and I am here for it.
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Vico repeatedly confirming the polycule and Con just posting endless thirst traps instead of any references at all to ep8 are both things that can be so personal. They know what the people want.
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Both of Ed's shoes flying off was easily one of the funniest things that's happened so far this season. A little wink to us who knew Lucius's shoe meant it was going to be ok. Full cartoon pratfall. Incredible.
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Ok I figured it out! These guys stayed with Ed's original ship. Somewhere in the Caribbean sea there's a boat full of leather daddies, free of Izzy, having the time of their lives.
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Don't tag people in something you wouldn't print out and hand to them or say directly to their face alone in an elevator.
If someone (t/aika) happens to overhear you and your friends being raunchy in an elevator because he's on the roof of the car spying, that's his own choice.
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500+ days of angsty speculation about their reunion and we are gonna get the bitchiest, pettiest, most prettiest princess ever.
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We need to talk more about how Stede was redecorating the Revenge and shoved all of his husband's possessions into a Man Cave and then immediately started talking about how they could get rid of them entirely. Big HGTV Wannabe Wife energy.
#ofmds2spoilers
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Fade to black this, fireworks metaphor that, let's talk about Sluttiest Lunch.
#ofmds2spoilers
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THEY CUT MANKISSING BY CON O'MANKISSER???
Kiss? There was kiss??
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Personally I love that these episodes were bookended by two little cringey reunion dreams dreamed by the absolutely most cringe couple sailing the seven seas. The romcom tropes were oozing out of the screen. Perfection.
#ofmds2spoilers
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The Kindergarten Teacher Walking Through Nap Time energy of this picture though.
#OFMD2Spoilers
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Stede was never going to go tell Ed what happened.
Ed was never going to go look for Stede.
It was a perfect storm of their past traumas and that's why it hurts so good.
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WELL AND TRULY DOCKED???? ARE THEY FUCKING SERIOUS?????? I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I ALMOST PUKED.
ALEX SHERMAN AND DAVID JENKINS YOU'RE ABSOLUTE FUCKING MADMEN I LOVE YOU NEVER CHANGE
#ofmds2spoilers
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I don't know why everyone thinks he's lying, I took this picture of
@nathan_foad
in Vienna this morning.
#ofmd
#OurFlagMeansDeath
#ofmds2
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Seems like a good time to remind everyone of my soapbox but ultimately Correct And Infallible Opinion that Frenchie is allergic to cats but he doesn't know what allergies are because it's 1717 so he thinks they're witches who steal breath thank you for your time.
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"In another life (where Disney wasn't cowards) I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you." is literally what is going through Poe's head in this scene.
who is the "in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you" couple in star wars?
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Why have we not discussed how Ed seems to be wearing TEAR AWAY front fall leather breeches? All this talk of cute fumbling sex scenes with his buckles and whatnot, but he can rip those things off like a middle school kid running out to play basketball.
#OurFlagMeansDeath
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They don't address why Buttons is on a leash, and I think that's one of the funniest things in the season so far.
#ofmds2spoilers
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Stede really hired only nine people to operate his entire pirate ship and one of them is a scribe who hates blood and refuses to do any manual labor and another is a bard who nailed his sleeve to the deck.
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The way Con O'Neill really went out and purchased a shirt that says Daddy across the tits to wear to a con for us can be something so personal.
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Them: We must protect these men from the knowledge we have Carnal Thoughts.
Con and Taika: So anyway I saw this porn of myself the other day and it was awesome.
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“go to hell” is lame. “i hope you’re asleep when the first bts photo from our flag means death season 2 filming is posted” is smart. it’s possible. it’s terrifying.
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Samba posting the mermaids for no reason has extreme "Quick! They're getting restless! Someone toss some enrichment into their enclosure!" vibes.
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Personally I don't think we've talked enough about these incredibly extra hangers.
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Have we discussed how Stede had to have spent a significant amount of time fixing his hair after it spent all night under that wig before he went out to flirt with Ed? Because that's just occured to me and I'm unwell.
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On a *much* less serious note about literacy, it would be extremely funny if the bottle makes it to the Revenge and no one is literate enough in English to read it and it ignites Extreme Angst, at which point Lucius finally can't take it anymore and comes busting out of the wall.
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EVERYBODY ALERT! IT IS HIS MOTHER'S RING!
I REPEAT: HIS MOTHER'S RING.
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Still can't believe they got us so hyped for that cave and it was on screen for .2 seconds while Hornigold dragged Ed across the purgatory beach. King shit.
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Nathan calling him Conathan tells you all you need to know about how in the walls of this app they are.
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If Buttons is a sea witch and resurrects Izzy next season I hope the first thing he does after crawling out of his undignified grave and reclaiming his possessions is storming up into that rotting inn to punch Ed in the face. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
#ofmds2spoilers
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He said his ship is a 10 but he hasn't a single tureen on board.
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should have kept the collar on to keep track of him. 🤷♀️
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AND ANOTHER THING.
Suddenly Ed is just perfectly fine murdering people all over the place? He had a full on mental breakdown about that, a huge plot point last season, and now he's shanking dudes over a letter.
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
"You've heard of me?"
"Oh, I've heard all about you."
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Do you sometimes want to cry because Stede Bonnet is So Much and is so self conscious of How Much he is but also will never stop being That Much so he makes a whole Too Much Pirate Ship about it and Too Muches his way to finding someone who loves How Much he is or are you normal.
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Ok now do SAG-AFTRA because Con, Samba, and Vico are clearly about to burst at the seams.
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I know everyone is ready to support the strike as fans, but we need to take our cues only from official union requests. The point of a union is collective action - they will tell us if, when, and how they need us to participate to send a message to the studios.
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Has anyone told Stede that slicing your name into your opponent's shirt and smacking his ass with a sword are not actually sword fighting techniques or is his Big Reunion Fight with Ed about to be Ed actually fighting and Stede accidentally flirting.
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ED HAS NINE GUNS TO RAID THE WEDDING AND THEN HE STILL MAKES THE CAKE TOPPERS LOOK LIKE HIM AND STEDE HELP ME THIS IS IT THIS IS MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY NOW
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I'm really glad we're talking about how grotesque the crawling scene was. It was genuinely horrifying at the time - to the point where I didn't even bring it up here because I didn't know what to say - and in light of how the season ends it is so much worse.
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Remember when people were saying he didn't really mean it when he said he gets off on the art.
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PSPSPSPS TAIKA WAITITI WE'RE WAITING YOU'RE NEXT
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Honestly love the energy of Con just all up in socials yesterday liking and retweeting and commenting meanwhile today we're all cautiously creeping around looking for Taika like we're filming a nature documentary and don't want to scare off a rare bird.
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I see your:
The first time Stede says "I love you."
And I raise you:
The first time Ed says, "I love you, too."
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Me: I trust DJenks and team, tomorrow is going to be fine.
Also me: THE SAME TEAM THAT ENDED S1 WITH GOD'S BABY-EST GIRL SOBBING IN A BED NOOK????
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QUICK EVERYONE FROM THE CAST POST COSTUME PICS NOW BEFORE SOMEONE TELLS HIM TO TAKE THIS DOWN
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Who has eyes on Rory Kinnear? Have we assigned anyone to keep tabs on him?
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btw, DJenks' openness and availability is exactly why I don't have a problem with people expressing their anger at him directly. He claimed to know us and see us and that this was different. He's in these interviews thinking this was kind.
He should know it wasn't. 🤷♀️
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Stede Bonnet is an insufferable gossip. How I know this is because I am also an insufferable gossip and I'd clock that man across a crowded room as one who has all of the intel.
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I see your "Archie accidentally calling Izzy 'Mom' and everyone is mortified" and raise you "Archie accidentally calling Izzy 'Mom' and being mortified meanwhile Izzy bursts into happy tears and needs to leave the room."
Thank you.
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There's no room in that shack for an inn. And, furthermore, you need to not be seemingly on a completely abandoned stretch of land to have an inn people will stay at. Come to Ye Olde Grave Beach Inn! We have one (1) pullout sofa in our parlor and breakfast is marmalade on a tray.
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Hilarious that HBO ignores one of their major shows in a big event and the next day it gets a fucking Peabody nomination. No notes.
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#ofmds2spoilers
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Spanish Jackie marrying a new husband and throwing a huge party in the Republic would be a great conceit to get everyone back in the same room again. And Taika said he wanted to explore that "see your ex at a party" mood.
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And if someone (Con) has set up a table in the elevator where he's got binders full of the raunchy art he's carefully curated, and when the doors open he asks you about your day and if you've found or done any nice art lately, by all means, tag him in your art.
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It's very funny to me that they put The Batman on Con's auto table sign. I know why, but I'm just imagining some Batman Guy standing in the middle of the pirate hoard patiently waiting on a signature from Chief Bock.
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Stede Bonnet may not have had the official words to describe how he felt but he felt *something* more than friendship and he knew it. He had been looking for love and tenderness his whole life. He wanted to marry for love. He's obsessed with love. In this essay I will —
We don’t talk enough about the way Stede kisses Ed back and we need to because it’s MAGNIFICENT
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Continually calling the ending "predicable" as his main commentary on it is such a polite burn. Bravo, sir.
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Personally I think that Doug is straight because I find it a hilarious addition to his "I'm just happy to be included" vibes if literally everyone else in the show is queer and he's just like, "I brought snacks!"
But he's it. And maybe Karl.
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Yes yes Ed and Stede being in love and cute and romantic will be fantastic but I raise you: Petty Old Married Couple Squabbles.
Snoring, shoes on the coffee table, bed hogging, whatever the pirate equivalent of whose turn it is to take out the trash is.
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Please I am begging everyone. Taika is obviously going to be in season 2. They filmed around his schedule for the first season and I'm sure they're happy to do it again.
Please. For your own sake. This is not a thing to worry about.
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And when, in an actual episode, Roach invents piña coladas for the crew after Stede and Ed reunite... WHAT THEN.
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Sincerely I am asking, what was Stede's plan?
Why was any of it necessary when they could have killed Ricky, dressed up in disguise, and snuck back to the Revenge?
What was it? What were they trying to accomplish?
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Genuinely wild to go from Flagship Show to cancelled. The entertainment industry is so fucked.
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