Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in a relationship.

This speech should terrify anyone who cares about our country. Declaring war on our nation’s cities and using our troops as political pawns is what dictators do. This man cares about nothing but his own ego and power.

@krassenstein

That Coldplay kiss cam thing was 20 years ago today.

Ok I’m open to any miracles if anybody has any.

My dentist said that the dental x-rays I just took are also used to identify me if after a catastrophe I’m unrecognizable. She’s a hoot.

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in a relationship.

As it turns out, Florida can get dumber.

does anyone know how i can disappear from this current timeline

everything feels like a call for help. HELP!

Is it too late to pick a time to be born in?

sometimes people just don’t like you. not me though. people always like me.

I don’t know what you guys are doing but I’m doing a lot of grappling. Just like a crazy amount of grappling.

Just to add to Walton Goggins discourse, when I wrote on a sitcom he starred in, sometimes he’d pop into the writers room like this:

I think I’m better equipped to handle multiple disasters and a dictatorship in the summer months.

Being alive is crazy.

SPREAD THE WORD I’ll be personally issuing $500,000 @BedBathBeyond online gift cards to those who have lost everything in California and NC from fires and floods. Thanks to all the vendors who are pitching in. We are grateful. #ThingsCanBeReplacedLivesCant Contact me

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#PalisadesFire from a flight arriving into LAX

I can’t stop watching this asshole husband of a Republican Senator Deb Fischer who refused to shake hands with Vice President Kamala Harris today. MAGA is classless even in victory.