Eden Dranger
@Eden_Eats
Followers
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Following
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Media
1K
Statuses
21K
short, millennial, TV and screenwriter, yente.
Los Angeles
Joined December 2009
People you shouldn’t trust:. 1. people.2. who .3. order .4. their .5. steak .6. well .7. done.
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Hottest thing someone’s ever done for me is watch a movie I recommended.
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I don't mean to get political, but I am horny for a Scholastic Book Fair.
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RT @FilledwithUrine: i’d end my life from loneliness before i ever talk to chatgpt like it’s my friend.
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My name is Inigo Montoya. You tagged me in a photo where I didn't look good. prepare to die.
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If you don’t have at least 1 white friend named "Matt" then you are Matt.
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Women's magazines: "Love your body and here's 10 ways to lose weight!" . Men's magazines: "YOU DA MAN! Here's some women to look at".
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Sometimes I'll go to the bathroom at a mediocre party even tho I don't need to pee just cuz it's something to do.
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The new Naked Gun might actually save Hollywood. I laughed so hard I forgot I hate myself.
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My fantasy is getting hit by one of those self driving Waymo cars so I can get the bajillion dollar settlement money.
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Hear me out. restaurant burgers that don't require you to dislocate your jaw to eat them.
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When somebody asks you: "What do you do for a living?" it’s mostly to calculate the level of respect they need to give you.
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Scrolling through someone's old Instagram pics carefully trying not to accidentally like anything is the adult version of Operation.
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When I need to shower but I also just came back from the Cheesecake Factory.
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not sure what's longer:. a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone insisting it's hilarious.
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Go out tonight?. Ugh, no thanks, I paid my mortgage and I'm not letting that money go to waste.
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Changed my thermostat from Fahrenheit to Celsius so I can pretend I'm vacationing in Europe.
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