Had a great night last night @Seal "Hey, keyboard wizzkid. Play Killer" @Trevor_Horn_ "Shit! How do I bass that!" Kiss from a rose put my wife in such a good mood that she somehow coped with the hotel fucking up our booking which, long story short, meant arriving home at 3:30am

Come on Stop putting the cakes ON the napkins I don't want: A) Napkin on my cake B) Cake on my napkin…unless it's from wiping away the aftermath of me eating the cake from my face

Breaking news… @UK_CAA say all affected #Airbus planes can continue to fly in UK airspace due to persistent lack of solar radiation

DNS?

Jeez

Why can't I get toothpaste any more? Actual white paste, not something that looks like it's been squeezed out of a space alien teenager's spots? @Colgate @OralB And why do they vary so much in price? Some are less than £2, some are nearly £10

.@sainsburys What's going on here then? Just what is the appendage in the second one supposed to be?

Is this a Russian Pootriot air defence system? #UkraineWar

Have you read this one @Simon_Quads? #obscurehotelliterature

This is @currys Team Knowhow, loading up my customer details Been on the phone now for over 25 minutes #losingwilltolive

Good to see @NatWest_Help are renovating branches before closing them

I see Mr Kipling have started experimenting with nano technology Any smaller and they'll have to supply tweezers in the box

First time getting a £50 from an ATM Sign of the times

Managed to restore my Google Maps Timeline history from a backup, but 6th and 7th March are missing If I was Monk, I'd be wondering what crimes the person who is in charge of timelines at Google committed on those dates

🫤

Fuksake @Grammarly Just quit it with the adverts at me. I'm not gonna ever never buy you're app

Why are gold bars the shape that they are? #FortKnox

I bet Joe Biden is going to sleep soooo well tonight

Why do there seem to be so many people videoing plane crashes these days?

.@weetabix Can you change your name please?