lemonleg
@lemonleg
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rambunctious spider farmer
Shady Shores, TX
Joined November 2013
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This guy I sold a truck to called me brotato chip and I didnt know what to say so I called him brotein shake
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Whoever invented this shit must’ve really hated fuckin riding horses
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Still gets me drunk tho
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It’s first time I’ve see my dads senior pic, and I had to see it next to mine. I know he’d love this. Your laugh will stay with me forever.
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I have .05% Native American in my blood and I find this highly offensive
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Me and my roommate are breeding mosquitos to release in front of the houses of annoying bitches
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I start tomorrow as a kids skateboarding instructor!!! Not only am I gonna feel good about teaching them to shred I’ll hopefully make out with their hot sisters
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These were pissing me off until I saw this one
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*girl asks me for nudes*
I respectfully decline then send a soft meat pic to a homie I haven’t seen since 2017
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Sanger, tx is the embodiment of everything that is Oklahoma except it’s in Texas
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As a former chick-Fil-a employee I can confirm this is factual
chick-fil-a employees must get into their car after a long shift and let out a loud, ferocious “cunt”
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I kicked a girl out of my bed for biting my finger too hard during sex, I screamed at her “you know you can bite through my finger just as easily as a baby carrot?!”
“I’m done. this is done. You. ruined the moment.”
Then she left crying
In all fairness she bit my finger hard
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The customer that won the big lotto ticket tipped me 500 dollars hahahahaha yes
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Taking a drug test while you’re high is pretty funny but passing a drug test while you’re high is even funnier
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No you can’t buy me a drink but if you wanna listen to me talk about how much I miss my ex for 4 min that’s cool
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RIP to my Miata I was involved in a hit and run by an 18 wheeler going 70 mph I am lucky to be alive
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What if our age was our level and you were like yeah my son is level 11 he still hasn’t unlocked puberty yet
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Like the skateboarding stance?
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Imma put a pic of me as a baby on my desk at work so customers think it’s my kid but it’s really me
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Denton bitches got a whole scroll of every dude they ever fucked birth chart next to their bed
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Fuck my roommate made a twitter now I have to find a new social media to talk shit about him on
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WHERE ARE YOU??? AND IM SO SRRY I CANNOT SLEEP I CANNOT DREAM TONIGHT
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I fucked my hands up shucking oysters today and this isn’t just a weird tweet like I actually did that
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We made shy & accidental eye contact at a bar, both of us realized simultaneously.....
.......we matched on tinder only days prior...
she spoke inaudible reptilian tongues to signal her arousal
confidently, i mumbled gibberish and begged her for a ride home
now we here🍑
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This smile I have on my face driving this around town is unreal. I know she’s not reliable but I’m falling in love🥺
I’ll post a video of how obnoxious it sounds😇
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