The Evolving Arm
@leftarmisme
Followers
37,113
Following
8,508
Media
8,763
Statuses
440,649
So it goes. Tweets👉 @LuvPugFDN 👉
Heaven? No. Iowa.
Joined July 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Google maps: You've arrived.
Me: *fluffs hair* I know! Right?
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Honest question:
Are you the same person in real life as you are on Twitter?
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My husband--a grown man--has taken Friday off work so he can play his new video game for 24 hours straight.
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A true friend talks trash to your face...
...and...
...is fiercely loyal behind your back.
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I'm "I recorded ACTUAL MUSIC VIDEOS from MTV on my VCR" years old.
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If both kids are screaming....
....both kids are alive.
It's science
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Ok. Please hear me out. A riding lawnmower. BUT instead of a lawnmower it's a vacuum.
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I'm not here to appeal to the masses,
as the masses do not appeal to me.
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Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.
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I'm too fucking intelligent to be such a fucking idiot.
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Of all the characters on Twin Peaks, Albert was my absolute favorite. 1 1 9. ❤
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Signs you have a Twitter addiction:
1. You're reading this.
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I'm "I'm not sure if i'll be awake at midnight" years old
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I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.
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The later it gets, the funnier I THINK my tweets get.
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I am mature enough to know it is healthy to be immature and silly sometimes.
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Do you ever, for no particular reason, just get the overwhelming sense that you've made an outcast of yourself by just being yourself?
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If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
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I asked my daughter if she liked my selfie and she said I need a better filter...I'm not using a filter. 😭
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My life is basically one big, ongoing, process of elimination.
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Don't forget to let someone who doesn't give a single fuck about you affect your life today.
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All I want is a guy to roll down a hill yelling 'As you wish.' Is that too much to ask?
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Hey insomnia, I'm not looking for a relationship....sooooo.... Let's keep this a one night stand, yo.
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I managed to put a wee bit of makeup on and I smiled. I think I now win the day.
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Two indicators shit has 'gotten real':
1. She puts her hair in a ponytail.
2. She says, ' You know what?! '.
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My son's band concert is another great excuse to wear my new boot. Maybe I'll even start a mosh pit. WHO KNOWS
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I don't get the phrase
'Kicking ass and taking names'...
...If I'm kicking ass either:
1. I know your name
2. I don't fucking care
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I do just about everything in my sweatpants, except sweat.
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Okay, so the Black Crowes sweatshirt needed layered gold necklaces and legwarmers to feel complete on its maiden voyage.
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Twitter; Where I can seek attention while avoiding attention and scream my feelings and still suffer in silence.
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My daughter: if a genie won't let you wish for more wishes can you wish for more genies?
Me:
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My daughter just told me I "went to high school in the black and white television times". I graduated in 1994.
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My brother has been found and is safe. Thank you all so much for your kindness. It felt weird to tweet asking for help, but you guys are aces! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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The most talented people often have the most tortured soul.
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Yesterday someone told me I should post a selfie without "all that paint on your face".
No paint and no filter. You asked for this.
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My best friend of 32 years with Covid has now been hospitalized due her condition worsening. Please wear a mask. PLEASE. And if you could send her good vibes or prayers it would mean the world to me. Her name is Sue. Thank you.
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I'm just gonna drink until the Joker is Jack Nicholson again.
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6: mom whatcha doin on the computer?
Me: Twitter
6: I thought that was only on your phone.
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🎶I'm so vain. I probably think this selfie is about me🎶
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I know this isn't IG but today my husband has physical therapy so I have another reason for wearing makeup and clothes without an elastic waist. And I'm finding this more exciting than I probably should. But fuck it.
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I'm no comedian but I'm pretty sure an 82 year old man being attacked with a hammer is NOT funny.
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I'm wearing a mask and like 5 people have come up to tell me masks are optional. It's like, um optional means I can opt to wear one too...I mean I think.
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There is a mountain lion loose in my town and I worry about my cats...I mean KIDS. Yes, kids.
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My husband just told me I am "fantastically weird" and I think that may be one of the nicest things he's ever said to me.
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*not pictured: My daughter in the backseat calling me a dork for taking a selfie
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OMG! I am getting dressed to go and GET MY 1ST SHOT.
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I made coffee ice cubes to put in my iced coffee because I don't like fucking around.
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My humor is so dry it usually evaporates before reaching its intended audience.
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A reminder to myself and anyone else who may need it.
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The Black Crowes and Doc Martens like I'm some kinda child of the 90's or something
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Damn do I miss my dad extra hard during the holidays.
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So I went to the doctor this morning and my blood pressure has taken a huge nosedive over the last few years and now is so low they are taking me off one of my meds. I've struggled with high blood pressure since I was 24. This is an achievement for me.
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I don't think you ever fully get over the loss of a parent. Ever. The grief comes in waves and it's high tide for me right now.
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I'm the human equivalent of lighting the wrong end of a cigarette.
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My son has two friends staying over all day and night to play video games so I'm thinking I'll crack open the bottle of gin around 2 this afternoon .
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I do just about everything in my sweatpants, except sweat.
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Women don't need men to defend us, thank you very much.
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If I wanna dance around my house at 6am to 'Samson and Delilah', I will bc it's my birthday.
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Please look at the drawing my 11 year old daughter drew of her favorite anime character. I may be biased because I'm her mom, but I think it's amazing.
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So my mom has been talking to this guy for 3 years now and he's finally coming in May for a visit. I've already told me mom when she introduces us I'm gonna scream, YOU'RE NOT MY DAD AND YOU NEVER WILL BE MY DAD. And then I'm gonna dramatically run out of the room crying.
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I really have no problem with flare jeans coming back. None.
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Music; where math, science, and spiritually intersect.
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It's a beautiful day outside and my mom offered to take me for some retail therapy in the form of home decor so I cannot complain.
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