Oh, hello world. It's been a while.

#timesradio Matt Chorley: marginally better than colonic irrigation - and far more relaxing. (Love the show really, Matt!)

A poem for @IcelandFoods Oh, Iceland, oh Iceland Crooks that you are Customer service? The worst by far Your failure to deliver just can’t be beat Leaving the vulnerable without money & nothing to eat Corona caused issues, yes it’s true But Iceland you are a bank robbing crew!

Hey @SkyNews @BBCNews @itvnews @Channel4News have you heard about the major supermarket chain who doesn’t deliver food but takes money from your account & fails to engage with the customers they’ve effectively stolen from? No? Meet @IcelandFoods & CEO @MalcolmCWalker #theft

So, @IcelandFoods & @MalcolmCWalker it’s 5 days since you failed to deliver my groceries or refund my payment & 5 days since anyone bothered to respond to DMs and e-mails. Your customer service is appalling! You should be embarrassed. You’ve basically stolen £50+ from me. #theft

It really does take a uniquely stupid level of dumbfuckery to “defend” a statue of Winston Churchill by giving the Nazi salute.

I think we might have a situation on our hands where a surprising number of people are really fucking stupid.

Make sure you ask Hopkins, Farage, Brewer, Grimes, Harwood, Patel and every other "person of the right" to take ownership of the thuggery and violence in London today as they've asked the BAME community to "own" Antifa violence. If they don't, you know basically what they are.

Hey @BorisJohnson I read that you wrote a book about Churchill. Just wondering what you think he would have made of people who voted for you making Nazi salutes at his boarded up statue? Am assuming as national leader you will have a view on this.

The saddest thing about all this is that the more you talk to men like the ones attacking police today, the more you realise that they don't really know what they're angry about. Sometimes, it only takes a single question to bring the whole edifice of fury crashing down.

Nazi salutes while protecting a statue of Churchill takes some galactic level of stupidity.

Dear @metpoliceuk I would like to report @IcelandFoods & chairman @MalcolmCWalker for theft and fraud. After failing to deliver my shopping (it was due over 72 hrs ago) they refuse to engage with me over returning the £53 effectively stolen from my bank account as a result.

The Grand Old Duke of York Went to Woking for the day To try and kill a story which simply would not go away Tramp, at the bar, he was not Dancing? He never got down And then he went and made it up he brought down the British Crown. #princeandrewandtheepsteinscandal #RandyAndy

There is a huge, massively unexpected irony to today for me. I won’t/can’t say anything more beyond saying everything was in order. 🤔

So, what happens next/first? War with Iran or chlorinated chicken on the supermarket shelves? Over to you Alexander Boris de Pfillefefellelelell Johnson.

Dear @Twitter I’d like to report @realDonaldTrump for incitement and the use of hate speech via your platform. It seems this rather un-Presidential President of the USA has decided on a new slogan for his re-election campaign: Make America Hate Again. Very, very sad face 😔

Seeking writing representation. Anyone know of anyone who may be looking for someone? xxx

Starting tomorrow my brand new #twitternovel A new chapter (well, paragraph or so in one tweet) each and every day. Hope you enjoy!

God speed Fiona Bruce on Question Time but, as I've said before, it really is just the Jeremy Kyle Show that's been through college. #bbcqt

Boom! Fiona Bruce straight in with an “answer the question” intervention #bbcqt