https://t.co/zh7vUjIEWc

if I were woody in this situation I would probably crash the f*ck out. I would tell my friends to shut up. then I would kill them ...

I think I'm decided I'm going to be evil and start massively Film Twitter posting . prepare yourselves for this new me

we finally hit critical mass and now the majority of cars on the road are equipped with headlights that inflict "two minute blinding stew" on eye contact

They added him to fortnite in the same breath as Art The Clown. Like, hmmm. I wonder which has more cultural impact.

how long are they going to keep pretending "The Grabber" is some horror icon. I don't remember a thing the dude did. The most interesting thing about him is that he's played by Ethan Hawke but he always has that mask on. Give it up.

remember that one time I called Clint Eastwood's Vuvuzela a bong and it made his social media team furious so I jokingly started beef with his hairdresser and golf manager and they ratted me out to him and then Clint said he was going to kill me

saw a little bird decal on a window to prevent birds from hitting it and I scoffed. I have a decal of a delicious pie cooling on my windowsill explicitly to bonk floating vagrants

prayed to the lord just once and all the microplastics in my blood were ejected while i peed in the form of a plastic cylinder; much like a hot glue stick . god is good!

hotel room im staying in austin texas @HiltonHotels . horrible gnome infestation!! bad ! never seen it like this. saw one doing the backstroke in the toilet tank and straight up almost lost my lunch.

not to harsh your freaking vibe man but I just saw a small wet ghost streak down your hallway. it was naked as hell and mostly translucent

Gonna stream some art with @king_of_limb in 20 minutes https://t.co/t91brWR6eu

realized both that I needed to turn my life around and that I live in some sort of a roller coaster tycoon simulation when a giant hand picked me up and dangled me ominously over a lake before placing me back on the road

watched meemaw get raptured straight into the turbine of a passing commercial airline. no good. I think the plane is going down

me: "waiter! there's a fly in my soup!" waiter, whimpering: "the joke is that it's the fly of your pants, sir. and that you've souped your pants." me, holding the waiter's family incredibly hostage: "now call it a modern twist on a reliable classic"

you will never believe who the fourth person to show up is

not only was paul bunyan real -- but so too was his historic outhouse. you could crawl up his boots while he took monster browns and he wouldn't even notice

I animated something very special, please take a look✨

hi I drew him instead because I've been meaning to draw you saying this quote for awhile

fanart @thegrayfruit @king_of_limb

they found out my identity. i've been on the lam for days and forgot to pack any rations