🍹 Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock
@kimmie_c_
Followers
28,666
Following
3,046
Media
40,401
Statuses
312,597
Line straddling Libertine You couldn't handle my undivided attention I want to pet your dog Pronouns: Princess/Her Royal Highness Consider it's a joke
Tennessee, USA
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
"I just killed 2 hobos for this can of beans"
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I absolutely laughed myself to tears. Holy shit, this dude is funny. 😂
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No. Evelyn Dieckhaus was the bravest kid.
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I honestly don't believe *everybody* was Kung Fu fighting.
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@dantypo
Watching them get snatched up by the collars and dragged by their ankles across the pavement, fills me with happiness.
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Why am I laughing so hard at this 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I don't *feel* 53, but here we are. Thank you all for the birthday wishes. You made this elderly woman's day very special. ❤️❤️❤️
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I do not understand this trend of teens not wanting to get their drivers license. It boggles my mind. Wth is up with that? I was sneaking car keys around 13. Begging my parents to take me for my permit the day I turned 15.
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Why did this make me laugh so hard 😂
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This is what gender studies took from us.
It seems Miller Lite doesn’t understand their audience either.
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I should hate myself for laughing so hard at this... but I don't
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Schools in northeast are closing early because of 97° and humidity?
*laughs in southern*
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Hey
@jonathanchait
... here's some more of the "sincere", caring progressives you mentioned.
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❤️❤️❤️ Love this. Praying so hard for Mike Leach
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So. Where the hell is she? It's nearly impossible to reach this level of social media infamy only to disappear.
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@kevinbacon
@SixDegreesofKB
@ACLU
@kyrasedgwick
@RuPaulsDragRace
@MTV
No one, and I mean no one, is out there pushing to ban Drag Queens. Why is it so hard to consider age inappropriate behavior as the root of the blowback? Be the draggiest drag queen you can be, just not at elementary schools.
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This is the absolute funniest chick ever and I must meet and hangout with her.
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Stop telling me how good Brussel sprouts are. They are not.
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On Saturday morning, I will have no pets for the first time in decades. The vet found fluid building around Chika's lungs & heart. I'm not going to put her through extensive testing & procedures. She needs peace. I'll say goodbye & she can be with her sister, Lupé, again. 💔
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Ok, first of all, she looks great. Second of all... SHUT THE FUCK UP
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Nearly the entire stadium in Germany singing along to 'Country Roads' is pretty freaking incredible 🥰
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Guys... I just canceled a free trial subscription BEFORE the trial period ended and the charges hit my card. Please fucking clap.
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Every male, over the age 40, has to grunt when getting up from a seated position... Apparently, thems the rules.
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They're gonna breakout the crocheted, pink, pussy hats again, aren't they?
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This king added a trolling motor to a little tikes boat, got "pulled over" by the no-fun water popo but they couldn't find in law he broke.
Rednecking done proper.
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Had to let my Tank go today. I've been crying all day. Knew it was coming but I've had a hard time talking about it. I'm gonna miss the snoot boops, the way he'd look at me like a toothless old man, his ear struggles. He was the bestest boy. RIP my handsome boy. I love you, Tank.
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I don't care about the naysayers and conspiracy theorists... Marisa Tomei deserved that Academy Award for My Cousin, Vinny.
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I may not be my best self right now but at least I'm not this lunatic
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Brb. Gonna hitch my horse to the wagon and head to town to Xerox shit at a Kinkos
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It's a good thing she's cute with big knockers because she's dumber than a box of hair
I feel like I just opened an email from the diversity equity and inclusion chief
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And then I said "fuck you, grays... let there be red" ❤️
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QT with your age
52 💅
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It's been fun blocking the bigots that inevitably popped up in my mentions over this.
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I don't half-ass my screw-ups. Merry Christmas!🎄
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I'd leave them there. Let them gnaw their way out like a mouse with a leg stuck on a glue trap.
LOL...seems the climate activists have taken things to the next level in with quick concrete
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I'm kinda sad no one has yet tried to correct my t-shirt
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Absolutely not... that coating is the flavor savor
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I could go for some 80s menu Taco Bell rn
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Men. What's stopping you from bringing this kinda energy during the upcoming summer months?
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I don't feel 52... I certainly don't act it.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes. Made my day. ❤️
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Not every single fucking thing is a conspiracy, you weirdos
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She knew it was wrong. You don't pick targets based on level of security & write a manifesto if you think what you're doing is righteous. So that leaves evil. She was a monster, and I don't care about a monster's pronouns. Dead name the fuck out of that bitch too.
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30 and up twitter, drop a pic with your age 👀
52, bichachos
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Hold up... THIS guy gets a girlfriend and I can't even get a date?!
A man named James Gina III has been arrested for killing his girlfriend yesterday near Desert Inn & Eastern.
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Guess who just turned in her notice at her job today...😬
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