I give you my word: If you entrust me with the presidency, I will draw on the best of us, not the worst. I will be an ally of the light, not of the darkness.
growing up in the Midwest isolated from a Japanese community, i had a hard time constructing a stable sense of ethnic identity. which is why today, i bought a HoleBlaster 9000 XTreme Bidet to feel connected to my people back East, cleaning efficiently after plopping big stinkers
me practicing for a role in which i just absolutely crushed it singing a country song in front of the whole town and i am now humbly thanking the crowd as they cheer and clap for me
name: kelly
age: 37
occupation: real estate agent
next to my sons sean and mikey, and my husband keith, my clients are my top priority in life. make a listing with me and i will literally sell your home in 14 seconds
no one:
GNC employee,
guy with “entrepreneur” in bio,
guy with 📈 in bio,
tai lopez,
dude who read 3 self-help books,
guy who raps out loud at the gym,
every man on earth wearing a polo,
gary vaynerchuk:
whats up brother
man: bro did u just 🤭 ASSUME 🤣 my gender??
*a beam shoots down from the sky and the man ascends upward, bathed in golden light*
the Titans of Comedy, in unison: long have we awaited the One who would save comedy with the fattest dinger of a joke ever told. welcome brother