Kevin Veegan
@kevinveegan
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I will love it if we don't eat them. LOVE it. He/him
Joined February 2016
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Vegans can stop using the pandemic to promote veganism when animal-eaters stop using their dietary preferences to cause pandemics
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Idiots thinking that by going vegan they’ll eat healthier but instead end up eating more cheeseburgers, pizzas and ice cream than ever. It’s me, I’m idiots
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A non-vegan will brake to avoid hitting a dog, call the fire brigade to save a cat, demand the sacking of someone who kills rhinos, and boycott an entire country for their treatment of dolphins, but god forbid you ask them to try a different type of milk to save baby cows
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If you’re thinking of going vegan but are concerned because you have allergies, my best advice is to continue not eating the things you are allergic to
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Cow’s milk. You’re drinking cow’s milk.
Just stop and think about it for a minute. Forget all the vegan stuff, whatever. Just *think* for a minute about what you’re consuming.
Cow’s milk. Milk. From a cow.
Seriously though.
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“Not everyone can be vegan”
Not everyone can shit in a toilet, but if you can you probably should
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“What vegans need to understand is that they exploit the workers that I only give a performative shit about when I am confronted with veganism”
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Hi. I'm vegan. I have a fatal nut allergy. Because of this I need to have life-saving adrenaline shots on my person. These shots may contain squirrel tears for all I know. I don't like it, but it's life-or-death for me.
Choosing vegan coleslaw, however, is no big deal.
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Anti-vegan: I refuse to eat anything vegan
[removes fries from Big Mac meal]
Wait
[removes bun, middle bread divider, onion, gherkin, lettuce, salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup whatever]
Not like that
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“You’re confusing animals with humans”
No, you’re confusing animals with objects
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Bill: you can’t get enough calories on a vegan diet without eating lots of peanuts
Me: hi Bill as a vegan who is allergic to peanuts I can assure you this isn’t true — happy to discuss this with you
Bill:
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I’m gonna get roasted for this but I’m introducing a *tiny* bit of donkey meat into my diet. Before the vegan police come: they’re sanctuary donkeys ONLY, and coming to the end of their natural lifespan anyway. All money goes straight to the sanctuary so they can buy more donkeys
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“Veganism broke my legs” says man who jumped from second floor window
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Farmer: it’s time for you to be killed for money
Cow: please don’t kill me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’m scared. I’m confused. I miss my babies, my friends. Please. I don’t want to die.
Farmer: it’s a local slaughterhouse
Cow: shit bro, why didn’t you say? Let’s go!
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With respect, vegans who blithely declare veganism “cheap” are full of it. Here’s the cost breakdown of my stirfry:
Carrots 30p
Ginger 20p
Chilies 50p
Tamari 10p
Mushrooms 80p
Greens £1
Noodles 70p
Diamond encrusted knife handmade in Nepal by apparitions of the Buddha £97,999,999
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😩 Gutted to learn that my favourite meat substitute product is no longer vegan since they added meat eaters’ tears as an ingredient
So unnecessary
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Looking forward to the future when “vegan twitter” is just “twitter”
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If vegans don’t change anything how come cauliflowers have wings now
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If eating meat made people smart how come meat eaters aren’t smart enough to understand that they don’t need to eat meat to be smart
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“Good for you if you’re vegan but don’t make the mistake of thinking vegan pizza and cheeseburgers are healthy coz they aren’t”
This is a mistake I have not nor shall I ever make but thank you
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Anti-vegan: veganism is inherently racist
Also anti-vegan: LOL @ rice and beans; tofu is disgusting
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Veganism: the only anti-oppression justice movement that otherwise good people attack, tear down, and dismiss.
Why? Simply because they’re uncomfortable with being aligned with the oppressor, and they aren’t ready to quit cheese.
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Dear angry non-vegans,
It doesn’t interest me that you “hate vegans.” I’m more curious about why you hate animals
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January: drank own piss
February: drank own piss
March: drank own piss
April: drank own piss
May: drank own piss
June: drank own piss
July: drank own piss
August: decided veganism really isn’t for me after all — feel LOADS better already
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If a non-vegan personally came across one — just one — animal suffering in the way millions of animals suffer for their sandwiches, snacks and shoes, they’d be on the phone to the RSPCA while they were still crying
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Defensive non-vegans will say they’re against factory farming and believe people should only eat “local” “pasture raised” “grass fed” “free range” “high welfare” animals…
…and call vegans elitist
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“The problem with veganism is—“
Buddy you pay people to cut piglets’ testicles off without anaesthetic and you want to talk about other people’s problems
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Yes I’m vegan, but with Easter on the horizon and so many stressed or unsure about it, I just need to share my *foolproof* method for perfect lamb:
Leave the lamb alone. Let the lamb live. The lamb will be perfect, guaranteed.
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Non-vegan: I use every part of the animal and pay my respect by giving thanks for the sacrifice
Vegan: I use no part of the animal and pay my respect by leaving the animal the fuck alone
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David Attenborough, nation’s grandad™️: we have to act now to save the planet
Concerned citizens: this is so awful — what can we do?
Vegans: going vegan is the single mo—
Concerned citizens: WHAT CAN WE DO??
Vegans: just go ve—
Concerned citizens: IF ONLY WE COULD DO SOMETHING 😭
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Tesco: here is our 8 billionth advert promoting animal products
Great Britain:
Tesco: here is our first ever advert promoting one alternative option to animal products
Great Britain: THIS IS PROPAGANDA STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD EAT
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For every vegan burger a non-vegan refuses to eat I’m going to take two fifteen hour showers
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If god didn’t want us to eat animals why did he shape them into small flat seasoned discs that have been treated with carbon monoxide and other chemical processes then kept refrigerated at 3°C before being cooked to a safe internal temperature of 71°C lmao
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“As a vegetarian I completely agree with this bad faith anti-vegan take!!!”
Yeah, no shit
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Kurt Zouma booed by thousands of people who habitually get others to harm animals on their behalf
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“Vegan cheese is just weird”
Yeah you know what else is weird?
CHEESE.
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If I had a quid for every time I had to point out that I am a vegan with a fatal nut allergy I could put in a credible bid to buy twitter
@park_chops_
vegan diets always have nuts in them for the protein or whatever and im allergic to nuts i physically could not go vegan or id literally die lma9
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But if the world went vegan overnight all the cows in the animal agriculture industry would have to be killed instead of *checks notes* killed
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I get all my oats from a local oat farm where I know the farmer and they treat the oats even better than their own family and you can even pick out your own oats and name them before they are humanely “harvested”
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A vegan simply chooses not to harm and kill animals every time that choice is available.
If you are not vegan, you *choose* to harm and kill animals at least some of the time.
Forget your petty indignation at vegans. Just reflect on it. Think about who you really are.
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“I eat meat but I do believe in high welfare for animals”
Explain to me, SLOWLY AS FUCK, how killing them serves their welfare
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Non-vegan animal lovers compassion checklist:
Fur — monstrous ❌
Foie gras — abhorrent ❌
Bullfighting — cruel ❌
Fox hunting — despicable ❌
Dolphin slaughter — barbaric ❌
Slamming tiny piglets into concrete — mmm bacon ✅
Shooting baby cows in skull — fuck yeah ✅
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Hey vegans and vegans only — you know in the future, when all these energy-sapping shills have finally quietened down and settled into the vegan world, shall we go for a drink? We’ll have earned it. This shit is hard work.
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Vegan: oatmilk tastes good & is better for animals and the enviro-
Carnist: GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU’VE SINGLE-HANDEDLY ENDED WORLD POVERTY
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You want me to stop bringing up veganism? Simple. Stop talking about animals as commodities, as ingredients, as flavours & textures, and you won’t hear shit about it. You don’t even realise how much you do it.
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They warned me that being vegan was expensive, but I was still unprepared for having to spend £8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 on a single carrot
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Non-vegans judge bullfighters, fox hunters, whalers, furriers, trophy hunters, dog kickers, cat burners, dolphin slaughterers, seal clubbers, swan killers.
Then get super angry with vegans…for being judgmental.
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One friend messaged me about their stress cooking ham, cream, eggs. I told them not to message me that again. They’re upset.
Another friend sent me photo of their (chicken egg) omelette coz they used vegan chorizo. I said not to send me photos like that again. They’re upset.
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“I’m considering going vegan but it’s conditional upon existing vegans first talking to me in a certain way that I will not specify”
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"If vegans hate meat so much why do they make food that imitates it???"
Because you're fucking thick. That's why. That's the single reason. You're a proper fucking dangler and that's why vegans eat the things they do. Next.
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If I could “force people to be vegan” I wouldn’t currently be dreading sharing a table at Christmas with people cooing over a carved up bird corpse
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Now is not the time to talk about how veganism could avert pandemics. A more appropriate and sensitive time to talk about how veganism could avert pandemics is in the future, after humans have gone extinct, on a pre-recorded message broadcast for the amusement of rabbits and mice
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Veganism is where you end up when you stop lying to yourself
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Anti-vegans displaying pure vegan energy as soon as it’s an animal they don’t eat or wear that’s getting abused and killed
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“You’re actually one of the cool vegans”
Um you haven’t seen my twitter, have you
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"I respect vegans – why don't they respect me in return?"
Because you pay people to anally fist cows, champ. You pay people to anally fist cows.
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It’s 10pm and I’ve never made pancakes before in my life, vegan or otherwise, and here is a stack of vegan gluten free pancakes. Be proud of me please
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Ask why someone is vegan, and the answer is succinct: why harm an animal if I don't need to?
Ask why someone is not vegan, and you get an endless, incomprehensibly flustered toilet flush of muddled brain drivel.
The difference is stark, and worth noting.
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“Have vegans considered just keeping quiet and not involving themselves in other people’s business”
I for one have indeed considered this but decided against it
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RSPCA: it’s never ok to hit an animal
Pig farmer: what shall I do with this piglet who isn’t growing fast enough to be profitable
RSPCA: our official advice is to slam him as hard as you can into concrete and kill him
Farmer: no shit
RSPCA: yolo
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@pinkypalace
@bydanram
@VICEUK
Seems like you have some strong ideas about what women should and shouldn’t wear, Mark
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Carnism: swerving to avoid hitting a bird in the road while driving to the supermarket to buy a purposely killed dead bird
Fragile carnism: becoming angry and upset when the above is pointed out to you
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If vegans hate food so much why do they keep eating it?? Make it make sense
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How dare you suggest I make better choices when there are people in desperate circumstances somewhere in the world at any given time who don’t have the option of making better choices
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@JustOneVegan
I do not like this angle at all. It’s both inappropriate and inaccurate. Throwing around the term “mental illness” is unhelpful and actually kind of ugly. We don’t need to do this.
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It’s funny when livid dairy farmers say people should talk to them, ask them questions, and be educated about their industry. Like, please — let’s do exactly that! It’ll save vegans a job!
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@YaaAsantewaaBa
The non-vegans need to realise that ‘vegans need to realise...’ is the most tiresome twitter sub genre
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The notion that I should respect your decision to be non-vegan is absurd
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“I don’t like magpies,” the man said as he prepared an omelette for his breakfast, “because they steal other birds’ eggs”
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Just taking a moment to LOL @ the collapsing dairy industry. Yes, that absolutely includes your brother-in-law's family dairy farm where they treat the cows really well
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A sincere and respectful request: if you happen to follow me and you voted Tory, please unfollow me. No fuss or drama needed, and with apologies if we otherwise get along. It’s a small act of self care. 💚
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Calling vegan food shit because you once ruined some tofu is like calling houses shit because you struggled to put up your tent at Glastonbury that time
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If you care about animals, at some point you face a decision:
go vegan
or
spend your life pointing at your canine teeth, talking Scooby Doo-level bollocks about ancestors & protein, and making shit jokes about animal abuse that you yourself disagree with on principle
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Anti-vegans will disingenuously use other people’s disabilities, other people’s heritage, other people’s race, other people’s culture, other people’s socioeconomic status, other people’s geography, other people’s circumstances but never the truth: their own entitlement to KFC
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Not a shock that I’m blocked. What *is* a shock is that I’m a vegan who is fatally allergic to cashews (and all other nuts)
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The second stupidest thing about vegetarianism is that cheese, milk and eggs ARE NOT FUCKING VEGETABLES
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Non-vegan: I love animals and believe they should not be harmed, and those who do deserve the same done back to them
Vegan: If I have an opportunity to avoid harming animals I take it, including when I eat
Non-vegan: here is my thread on why you are a judgmental twat (1/37)
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5 years vegan. I’m the last person I thought would, or could, ever be vegan. I still feel the ever-present relief from not supporting animal cruelty. Vegan forever 💚🌱💪♾
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There are real people in real life who will refuse to watch a fictional movie coz they get too upset by fictional depictions of animal cruelty while they eat a real piece of a real pig who really died screaming, kicking, terrified
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The absolute mind-battering idea that you have to be vegan to eat non-dairy ice cream though
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Thread: with the anti-vegan roulette wheel once again landing on veganism being “forced” upon people, predictably a lot of vegans have come out and said this isn’t possible. Well, I’m here to say it very much is possible. How do I know? I’m guilty of it. Confession time...
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The disconnect of this is so disturbing. This isn’t an undercover exposé, which dairy farmers complain unfairly misrepresent them. This is how dairy farmers *choose to represent themselves*. It’s unsettling because they truly don’t see the depravity in which they are mired.
250 out of 620 calved - it’s all systems go here! 🐄
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@Ken_Tancrous
@thisischaniece
Did you read a different tweet to the one that was actually tweeted
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Remind me again which part of veganism you fundamentally oppose — the part that treats animals with respect and compassion, or the part that requires you to put slightly different items in your shopping basket?
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Myth: vegans constantly tell everyone they’re vegan
Reality: vegans nod politely while non-vegans drone on about how their colleague’s cousin’s wife’s doctor warned them about iron and that’s why they need to eat dairy custard doughnuts but always make sure they’re free range
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On learning I was vegan, a person told me they “used to be vegetarian for ten years” so they understand my experience
Which is like me telling an astronaut I understand their experience because as a child I “used to like jumping”
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Toxic vegans are like “you may not refer to yourself as vegan if you eat honey”
It’s me, I’m toxic vegans
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I am not vegan so I can drive a car faster, score more goals, lift more weights, run faster, perform better sexually, be more attractive, play better tennis, or live longer. I’m vegan because animal abuse is wrong.
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Vegans are not necessarily good people. Veganism is the bare fucking minimum. You still have plenty of work to do.
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I do actually regret forcing everyone to go vegan as now I have nobody left to argue with on twitter
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Stop what, exactly? Promoting alternatives to needless animal abuse? Being inventive and having fun? Using twitter? Cooking? Eating? Living? What’s the specific problem here?
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When I say "everyone can go vegan" please understand my acknowledgment of those who can NOT go vegan for legitimate reasons, such as "loving cheese"
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If you don’t need to hurt an animal you shouldn’t hurt an animal
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“I only eat pigs from a local farm where you can actually go yourself and pick out the pig you fucking hate and want to kill the most”
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Phrases I hate: “leather” when they mean violently killed animal’s skin
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