it was someone I felt fairly close with already, and really enjoyed hanging out with, but it felt like I was always the one reaching out I brought it up in a voice note and tried to share my concern in a really loving way. like "this is how I feel, curious what you think"

the result was a surprisingly open and loving conversation about how we each see the friendship, and what we'd want from it going forward. we both felt very understood and appreciated

I think an important part of all of it was that I didn't bring it up as a demand, as if they owe me some amount of time. they have their own autonomy and set of things to do, and I made it clear that no matter what, I still deeply love and respect them

we landed on something we both feel good about: continuing to text and share about our lives here and there, and making sure we hang out irl a few times a year. and somehow that actually feels like a substantial amount of time now? even though previously I was unhappy with it

it feels so much more meaningful to have actually talked about it, been honest about what we both have capacity for, than to have never mentioned it. now I feel like each of our hangouts will be that much more precious

I highly recommend having more of these conversations. it's better to share how you feel, in a compassionate way, and to actually have a conversation about expectations, rather than perpetually holding on to a mild resentment or frustration

to be clear, this doesn't apply as much to situations where you straight up feel abandoned by someone. this is more just, people that you've hung out with, and expressed a desire to be closer friends with, but haven't felt as much reciprocity

@kasratweets this is very cool to see, thank you for sharing! curious if you can share more about how you brought it up, just like "hey this has been on my mind that im always the one reaching out, etc.?"

@spencerc99 heh yea it kinda came up semi-spontaneously I asked about hanging out, and after some scheduling issues I was like “haha ok maybe we can hang in the new year” but I felt like I was holding back so later I followed that up with the voice note