Y'all have never fought a goose and it shows.

Just put an em dash key on the keyboard already.

Takis are a perfect anti-business food, in the sense that you cannot do anything business-like while eating them. How are you going to do a presentation on synergy while your heads on fire, you’re covered in crumbs, and your fingers are dyed bright red like a little goblin?

The thing about Trump's obsession with the 'late, great Hannibal Lecter' - beyond the fact that it's a fictional character - beyond that he's a serial killer - is that Hannibal doesn't die in the books or movies! And Anthony Hopkins is still alive! wtf is he talking about.

The idea of a sound bath being organized 800 years in the future is oddly comforting. @AlexandriaNow

Two things about this: 1) Yes, I’m even a secondary character in my own dreams. 2) I woke up before I found out if they stayed together or split. I really want to know how it ended. Is anyone aware of a book/movie with that premise?

Dreamed I was in a four person relationship. I and the other original member of the relationship decided to go back to being a couple. The bulk of the dream was the other two people trying to decide (via reality show-style shenanigans) if they were going to stay together too.

There’s no greater guilt than being fantastically annoyed when your phone rings and distracts you from your Very Important Work (which, let’s be honest, is a fart in the wind of history) only to find out it’s someone calling to tell you they love you unconditionally.

Being able to articulate exactly what I mean is such a huge part of my identity that asking me to rephrase something because you don’t understand is quietly the most devastating thing you can do to me.

I wish there was a universal gesture for letting other dads know when they’re being great parents. We don’t need to talk about it— those usually aren’t great moments for a conversation. I just want a way to say “You’re making it happen, Captain” without it being a whole thing.

You know that trope where people who are high obsess over whether people around them can tell how high they are? I have that, but for stress.

I chaperoned my kid’s field trip, and when I showed up, all the other eight-year-olds looked SO disappointed. Then a kid yelled, “HE AIN’T NO DRACULA!” She’d told them her dad and her (nonexistent) brother were both vampires. One of her friends called it “the greatest betrayal.”

An ice cream truck has driving around my neighborhood for over an hour playing its song. It’s not on my street, but it’s nearby. The song sounds like it’s coming from every direction at once. I want ice cream, or silence, or death. And at this point, I don't care which I get.

If you were LEGALLY REQUIRED to have an emoji on your grave, what would you go with? I gotta go with the goose.🪿 My theory is it’ll attract other geese who will viciously attack any grave robbers who come looking for the literal tens of dollars of treasure I’ll be buried with.

Someone just told me to “enjoy the rest of the day on purpose!” But I’m a contrarian so they just made me deeply sad.

I welcome updates on your lore.

the nyt should have a beat writer who only covers dramas in hobby communities

For my money, this is as terrifying as any horror movie:

Please just tell me where to tap my credit card. I'm much dumber than I look and if you make me guess, we’ll be here all day.

Waiting for Godot, only it’s a Zoom call with someone incredibly important whose assistant keeps saying they’re two minutes away from joining, while all the other participants’ lives fall apart in the background.