Of course you are ffs 🤦🏻‍♂️

So I’m going to house sit for my brother for a few days shortly. I asked him for any recommendations of good takeaways on the area. He suggested a local Chinese restaurant… that has a toasted sandwich as the main image on its website? 🤷🏻‍♂️😲

Yes farken

Translation: I’ve worked for Merrill Lynch and Ord Minnett, and once claimed I was a renter to get the sympathy vote despite being a multiple-property owning landlord. You’re fooling no one Amelia.

Three. Maybe four. And that’s being incredibly generous

Wtf is this?! Tuna ‘paté’ is not a thing, unless you’re American. And olive ‘paté’ (do you mean tapenade?) is not purple. Ffs people. Learn how to cook properly.

Mum’s just told me to slow down on the beers

This was my dad versus one of my aunts at every family gathering in the 70s and 80s

Even the Poms were appalled

Oh shit. It wasn’t you! It was someone else. Doooonnn’t say it…

@atonymosca And quoting Alastair Cook ffs 🤦🏻‍♂️ Made 244 on the most docile MCG wicket you could imagine and still you drew the match. It sticks in my craw to see his name on the banner in the Percy Beames Bar in the MCC Reserve

I believe this is called Downward Dog

Hmmmm I smell something minty after getting my clothes out of the washer. Did I leave an Extra or two in the fob pocket? 🤔

I am really in the ‘No fucks given’ era of replying to dickheads on my socials

Ho Ho Ho Merry Xmas. But wtf am I meant to do for dim sims for the next week?!

Listening to BBC radio via Newsradio, and an African heritage presenter just pronounced the US President as Doo-nulled Trump. And I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Gee with all the excitement of the cricket I’ve totally lost track of what’s happening in the Sydney to Hobart

124 YEARS SINCE 20 WICKETS IN A DAY HAVE FALLEN AT THE MCG 🤯🤯🤯

FOUR RUNS!!! LFG!!

The crowd cheering every ball to Scotty like he’s just made a century. You love to see it! And build the man a statue!! (Suffer in your jocks Bethel for that missed catch too)