🌟 Joanna 🌟
@joannamont
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Digital things, marketing bird. Head full of nonsense (& other). Includes inane TV chat, I warn you. All views my own, obvs. I wish you well
London UK
Joined December 2008
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Pinned Tweet
Today the vet told me that since Covid, they’ve had to treat a number of cats with depression caused by irritation that their people are at home all day. Obviously it’s not really funny but… that’s the most Cat thing I’ve ever heard. Apparently dogs do not have the same problem.
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I just got the BBC News notification while out walking myself. Headphones at lowest volume, keys clenched in my hand, rape alarm in my pocket, fearful of the dark at 8.30pm. Fuck this, women shouldn’t have to put up with it. And yet we accept that we have to.
#SarahEverard
💔
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And if you want to follow my depressed little dog - here she is (and her brother too. Who is the opposite of depressed):
#shamelessplug
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Actually pretty glad that the Siddiquis are here to explain to us how the Covid vaccine works 👨🏻🏫
#gogglebox
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And for those asking… they can and do treat animals with anti-depressants. I’ve asked before and expected to be laughed at - but it’s a Thing. And the link to lockdown is made by seeing the onset of symptoms since last March 👩⚕️
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@hannah1989__
I’ve many times tried to eat half (the recommended serving) and have been left so ravenous that I’ve had to gnaw on a chair leg for pudding. And a whole pack is a touch too much. It’s infuriating and something that I think the government need to tackle asap.
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@graceyldn
Ha! You’ve just reminded me that my mum’s was ‘it’s complicated’ too. They were married for 43 years. And my dad wasn’t even on Facebook to see the burn. She enjoyed it though.
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Say what you like about Wes’s strength of character, he’s a funny chap and a walking meme generator
#LoveIsland
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Plot twist… I was at the vet’s because I think my *dog* has depression (and yes i wfh these days) 🤗
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@HayleyMoggy
This is so lovely. My sister is 41 and has just started using a walker again after a long gap. Her happiness and pride in walking again sounds much the same as your son’s. ❤️
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I don’t really watch
#gbbo
but John helping to make someone else’s chocolate sauce has just made my eyes instantly overflow 😍
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Metro and the Sun respond to the Coleen Rooney / Rebekah Vardy drama in different ways. Bravo to
@MetroUK
and enjoy all the engaged traffic 👏🏼
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How DARE Tori have an opinion about Timothy’s behaviour and specifically about Lucinda ‘backing him’. And being ‘smug’. Has she literally no self awareness at all? She deserves everything that’s coming to her
#MAFSAU
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Not often I agree so whole-heartedly with Polly Toynbee.
Devoid of agility, charisma and credibility, Corbyn has led Labour into the abyss
#CORBYNRESIGN
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If this woman had galloped down the stairs and thumped Rod Liddle around his patronising chops after she made her point, I don’t think she’d have got much criticism from anyone
#bbcqt
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I love how Jamie Laing just looks like he’s having a top night on the lash on the dancefloor of Inferno’s, after 17 Jaegerbombs and a tactical chunder
#StrictlyComeDancing
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I say this as someone who’s spent a lifetime wearing lower-cut tops than most… this bird needs to put her bobs away a bit.
#riseandfall
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This expression, and the way he holds his jaw when angry, tells you all you need to know about the real Richard underneath the ‘genial duffer’ exterior. Eek.
#MAFSAU
#MAFSAustralia
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I think April is trying to cry but the Botox isn’t letting her. Are there even any real tears coming out? 🐊
#MAFSUK
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They’ve only just realised that Whitney is humiliating Duka? Airlift the guy out of that situation, people
#MAFSUK
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The faces on her neighbours. That's the face I have on when my mum kicks off in restaurants 😳😳😳
#c4debate
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@thedalstonyears
Also, I barely remember anything from junior school except this poem which I still find useful, and which probably got me through both English and German a-level
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The classic look of a narcissist when someone points out how much they’ve hurt them 🙄😐😏
#MarriedAtFirstSightuk
#MarriedAtFirstSight
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Wait, did a ‘beauty influencer’ really just question the validity of the career of someone who ‘really wants to launch a podcast’?????
#mafsau
#MAFSAustralia
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A colleague is amusing himself immensely by making all the young millennials listen to Jive Bunny, as they’d never heard about the Jive Bunny reign of terror of ‘89. I do not find it amusing. 6 minutes of this shit to go 🙉
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Honestly. Tom Cruise looks more like Sandi Toksvig every day
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See, this is my main issue with the Streatham LTN. I don’t think LTNs are supposed to destroy public transport networks, are they? Rather counterproductive, really.
Still - as long as Tabitha and Bagatha can pootle down Valley Road with Daddy on their tricycles, who cares?
Counted 30 stuck buses 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌 on just a short stretch of south bound A23.
#Streatham
Wells
#ltn
is decimating public transport, 🚑🚒🚔 & High Rd.
☎️ When is
@TFL
@MayorofLondon
going to intervene ⁉️
@SteveReedMP
📸Mon 4.30pm
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I hope my family look as thrilled as this lot on my wedding day 😒😒😒
#MarriedAtFirstSightAustralia
#mafs
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This is absolutely my favourite bit. The same sixth form sneer that I used to wheel out when my parents accused me of having been illicitly drinking in the park
#Newsnight
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I’m not sure that a post-apocalyptic film involving scenes in a ransacked supermarket is quite the film we all need to be watching this evening 😱
#aquietplace
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There’s a man on the train who was enjoying a nice relaxing coffee and pain au chocolat when we pulled into Watford. Unfortunately for him, the seats around him are now piled two-deep with screeching French teenagers, fresh from the Harry Potter thingy. He is now doing this. RIP
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Hugh Grant’s disdain for the media/celebrity circus is getting me through the evening 🥰
#GrahamNortonShow
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I have a little sister with cerebral palsy too, and this show is making me feel guilty. But I needn’t worry - I just texted her to suggest we live together and she came back with a polite-but-resounding NO THANK YOU I AM HAPPY AS I AM 😂
#diysos
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#askthegays
is best thing ever. Been tittering for half an hour straight and have favourited 123 tweets in a row
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The producers have a duty of care to pull poor Billy out of this abusive situation, kick that abhorrent bully Susie off the show, and re-match him immediately with a decent human being. But they won’t. It makes for good TV ☹️
#mafs
#MarriedatfirstsightAustralia
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Wow. I’m on a 250 bus from Brixton to Streatham Common and it’s just diverted down Leigham Court Road. I’ve heard lots of stories but not experienced it myself. How can this LTN be deemed to be a success story,
@lambeth_council
? Keen to hear.
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What have you done to Streatham,
@lambeth_council
? Hardly any buses going north into town, either. They’re all stuck in Norbury 👏
#ltn
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Has anyone found a way to mute the ten albums and/or the ten films Facebook thing yet? No explanation
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Great talks from
@LittleNinjaUK
@SocEnvJustice
and many others tonight at the protest against the Streatham Wells LTN.
Really highlighted how LTNs are not the solution to pollution in London. They just displace it.
Down with this sort of thing
@lambeth_council
#streathamltn
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Good god. I know Jack is the bad guy here - the REPUGNANT guy - but Jono is absolutely, pathetically spineless. No wonder Lauren doesn’t fancy him. Ironic that it’ll probably be Jono rather than Jack who’ll get the boot at the next commitment ceremony.
#MAFSAU
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Been sitting on a 250 bus to Brixton for 10+ mins between Kempshott Road and Greyhound Lane. Stuck in yet another wall of non-moving buses, driver opening doors every 30s to let passengers off. You’ve broken Streatham’s bus network
@lambeth_council
- when will you admit it?
#LTN
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The best part of this is that everyone concerned seems to be crying. The players, the managers, the presenters, the crowd, me, EVEN MY DAD
#itscomehome
😭
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Okay, we’re going to love it. CONFIRMED within 11 minutes of the starter pistol
#MAFSAustralia
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I love that David Schwimmer is allowed to look his age and no longer looks like Ross in season 10. I love less the fact that his female Friends costars would all receive a pile-on if any dared to look a day over 35 🤷🏼♀️
#GrahamNortonShow
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Hands up who’s in love with the woman who accidentally kept her hand up throughout her own question 😍🙋🏼♀️
#bbcqt
#BBCQuestionTime
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But love, you’re the one doing 65% of making it awkward. Why don’t you throw the poor guy a frickin bone here?
#MAFSUK
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Oh wow, I didn’t see the spawn of Ines and Nikita coming but there she is. She certainly puts the hole in the nickname ‘Sasshole’ 😦
#MAFSAustralia
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@indiaknight
Sorry to wang on - but I noticed the weekend before last that there was a crop of tweets saying he’d been spotted in Durham. Were he and his wife ill again and needing childcare in early May, too? What a load of shit.
#dominiccummings
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Literally the first time I’ve ever rooted for the hunters to find someone. TAKE HIM DOWN
#Hunted
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Brett has more emotional intelligence than 79% of the male Australian population put together. This is hard to watch. Most men would just be bamboozled by Booka’s narcissism but I think he sees what she is but is too nice to say 😱
#MAFSAustralia
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‘Ines is a beautiful, vibrant young girl who gets a lot of attention wherever she goes’. What crack is Martha smoking exactly? 😕
#mafs
#MarriedAtFirstSightAustralia
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@clhubes
And yes - I recently found from the 1881 census that my great-great grandfather had two families. Had two names, married two women in three years, and had two sons called Arthur - one in Hampstead and one in Hackney. The mind boggles at the effort involved 😲
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I am RAGING just watching this hateful monster. How do the police keep their professionalism in such scenarios? Hats off to them.
#24hoursinpolicecustody
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Haha
@Stephenwebb71
comparing Nicky Morgan to Richard III just made me shout with unkind laughter
#Gogglebox
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@graceyldn
Her entire social media presence was unhinged. Half my office used to follow her instagram for the lolz and she revelled in it. Is it about attention?!
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@EimearFreelance
I get her! Must be overwhelming even for the sociable. And I think my older one really misses going to daycare every day. And having me to herself. Although we had a Girls’ Day today - bit of shoppin’, bit of sunbathin’… 💅🏼
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@SoVeryBritish
Pupdate: dog has decreed that it’s time to go outside into the grey day for a run. Bugger.
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Bronson’s compassion for Ines - even after the way she treated him - is one of the sweetest things on this show. Bless him. He deserved better than Ines 💕
#MarriedatfirstsightAustralia
#MAFS
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@Andrew_Adonis
@Dominic2306
@adamboultonSKY
The endless lack of self-awareness in whining about Johnson after having created him. It’s astounding.
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Twenty six years later? Tamsin Greig hasn’t aged a day. Did they run out of makeup budget?
#Belgravia
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@mollscroll
@JasonHazeley
@JamesAHogg2
I used to work in the building next to the Shard and spent much time gazing down at this pub (the one that Bridget Jones lived above in the film). Bonkers
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This cheered me RIGHT up this morning when walking through Milton Keynes, let me tell you 🛼🎧
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@GiantHaydocks
@bbcquestiontime
I was trying to work out from the seating arrangements if they were a couple. I think she might have come on her own, given his reaction...
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Hahaha I think the beauty of the Dean and Tracey outcome is that throughout all his gushing and fake tears, it never occurred to Dean for a second that Tracey would blow him out
#MarriedatfirstsightAustralia
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This is it. This is the photo.
#Streatham
is broken. Cheers Lambeth
#LTN
🆘️Save Our Streatham🆘️
If
@tfl
are not in Emergency Meetings dumping the
#Streatham
wells
#ltn
I think it may be time for a riot 🤬
@SadiqKhan
@MayorofLondon
@Mark_J_Harper
@BayoDosunmu
@LittleNinjaUK
@BellRibeiroAddy
@SteveReedMP
@itn
@BBCNews
@BBCLondonNews
@LondonAssembly
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They edited something out, didn’t they? No way did ‘gazing and hugging’ from Richard elicit those shocked responses (please excuse the washing machine soundtrack) 😲
#mafsau
#MAFSAustralia
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There is a cocktail course for barmen being held in green park, presumably ahead of tomorrow. London is healing
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Bloody hell, this is a cast and a half. Emma Thompson and Jim Broadbent playing a married couple?
#WhyDidntTheyAskEvans
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De Niro looks like a man who’s been waiting 50 minutes for his starter but the waiter keeps offering him more tap water
#GrahamNortonShow
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