Jon Marthaler
@jmarthaler
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Sometimes #MNUFC coverage, sometimes other Minnesota sports, always Minnesota nice. Crackpot. Part of @sportivepodcast .
Joined December 2008
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Typical Minnesota sports: the coach is getting better offers from out of town.
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Been hired to combat misinformation about Roseville. First of all, it’s not the suburb with the weird oil refinery by the highway that lights up at night. That’s Rosemount. Common mistake.
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You tell yourself it was a good run, then you tell yourself that at least they didn't give up, then you tell yourself that at least they made it close, then you tell yourself that at least they had a chance, and then they win
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The Lynx are the anti-Minnesota sports team, just the opposite of what I’m used to in every single way
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Tim Weah doesn’t slap a guy for no reason, and all of this is just pretty funny nonsense and we’re making hilarious jokes about how it only took CONCACAF two weeks to drag CONMEBOL down to its level
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Loons have won three in a row, Wolves have won five in a row, Twins have won 12 in a row.
What is even happening to Minnesota right now?
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The Wolves just blew a 15-point lead with two minutes to go. “You could not have written this script,” says Dave Benz, who is I guess calling his first Timberwolves game ever
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#MNUFC
plays at St. Louis City on Saturday, which means they have only 165 more hours to work on not passing the ball directly to João Klauss in their own defensive end
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Two MLS teams currently have 2 points per game in the standings.
One is Inter Miami, the star-laden poster boys for the whole league, the team that leads every MLS broadcast and news item.
The other is
#MNUFC
.
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I do look like a fool.
Friday, after I posted my farewell to filling in on the
#MNUFC
beat for
@StribSports
,
@pacecarr
called and asked me if I could fill in for much of the rest of the year. Apparently, it had been in the works.
Anyway, happy to say I'm not done, after all!
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There is something incredibly American, or maybe just American soccer-ish, about a South African and a South Korean, arm in arm, yelling "¡VAMOS! ¡VAMOS! ¡VAMOS!" straight into the camera
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Sure,
#GopherHockey
may have lost the national championship game, but at least they did it in the most hard-to-watch way possible, while showcasing absolutely nothing about the team that made them fun to follow this season
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Take a bow, Emanuel Reynoso. The
#MNUFC
number 10 was the only player in MLS this season to reach double digits in goals, assists, AND yellow cards.
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The National Weather Service wants to put the upcoming storm into perspective… so this being Minnesota, they use the NHL Draft as a metaphor.
Killing me that they use “bottom 6” casually, just assuming that everyone will understand it.
#mnwx
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When the earth crashes into the sun, all that’s left will be Matt Kalil, not blocking anyone and just watching the carnage.
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Just sitting here on March 5 in a frozen thunderstorm thinking about how
#MNUFC
doesn’t have a single home game in June
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Make fun of me for over-celebrating all you want. I’ve been watching the Timberwolves for more than 30 years and that’s like the third important, exciting Wolves win I’ve ever seen, so I’m gonna celebrate a little, thanks
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I’m a Minnesota sports fan. What I want to happen is hardly ever what happens.
Joe Mauer hitting a double in his last at-bat, then catching in the ninth inning one final time while the crowd roared, was not only what I wanted to happen - it was better.
I’m so happy.
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Kervin Arriaga, alone and saluting the Wonderwall following the match.
(Apologies for the terrible reporter-style photo.)
#MNUFC
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MLS plays a really unbalanced schedule, so I calculated the conference-only standings for the league.
Here are your 2022 MLS conference champions - one the same, one not:
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I started digging through the record book, and to update this:
Emanuel Reynoso is the only player in MLS history to reach double digits in goals, assists, and yellow cards in a single season.
#MNUFC
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Darwin Quintero is one of the best free-agent signings in Minnesota sports history.
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I have one more story coming in a bit, but sad to say that today is my last day filling in on the
#MNUFC
beat for
@StribSports
.
It has been an absolute dream come true in so many ways, even more than any of the other short-term substitute gigs I've done in the past.
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Not saying, just saying:
#MNUFC
finished ahead of Inter Miami in the Supporters' Shield standings last year, on goal difference, so if they make the Leagues Cup final and so does Miami, Lionel Messi and company could visit St. Paul after all.
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FT:
#MNUFC
1, Vancouver 0.
The Loons are out of the wild-card spots for the first time in months... and have four consecutive clean sheets for the first time in franchise history.
Minnesota sure picked a good time to get Eric Ramsay's defensive system all squared away.
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I’d like to bid a fond farewell to
@Chris_Ramirez17
. All he ever did for
Minnesota was score tons of goals while becoming the unimpeachable face of the franchise - far more than anyone expected of him. Gets to go to LAFC, a model team with an excellent coach. Good for him.
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19,829 at Allianz Field tonight. That's the biggest
#MNUFC
crowd of the season, and it sounds like it. Atmosphere is electric.
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#MNUFC
had the celebration ready to go in the locker room and champagne on ice. Saw two opened bottles, no spraying, a couple of guys having a few sips; I'm told the players took down the plastic tarps.
I guess this team feels like it has more to do, yet this year.
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Solid, veteran move from Métanire. He knows how much his team struggles against 10 men and so he gets himself sent off instead. Can’t have a man advantage if you’re already down to 10!
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The Portland Oregonian pulling everyone off the Timbers beat was a reminder that
#MNUFC
might be the best-covered MLS team of all. Two newspapers, the Athletic, radio and TV, and a number of other sites/podcasts/etc all make it a centerpiece. Keep demanding more.
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One of those personal notes ahead of this Loons game: is there a better place to be than here, on a beautiful night, for a big game?
I’m so lucky to be here and to get to write about this, and I know it.
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I think
@StribSports
has now had a
#MNUFC
story in print on seven consecutive days.
Again, thank you to everyone who reads, shares, listens, and subscribes. I'm hoping that fans can keep finding this coverage, and finding it relevant.
Minnesota United is closing in on another summer signing, one that could be one of the Loons' most consequential.
@jmarthaler
has the report:
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I would like to thank my son for arriving before
#FIFAWWC
started, and my wife for not laughing at me for trying to cooordinate his feeding schedule with the game schedule.
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Daniel Steres scores in the 101st minute for Houston, saving
#MNUFC
from having to play the Seattle Sounders in the first round of the playoffs.
Dylan Wolpers, if you're out there: give this man a hug, from Loons fans.
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Tani Oluwaseyi and Dayne St. Clair are present and accounted for at
#MNUFC
training this morning.
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#MNUFC
manager Eric Ramsay, on Zarek Valentin: "He's retired from the pitch, but certainly not retired from his involvement with the club. Even between now and the end of the year, he'll play a big part in any success that we have."
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How do you know VAR is idiotically slow? They move slower than a dang accounting department
Due to the unusual circumstances surrounding Nashville's win over Club América, Season Ticket Members who opted into Leagues Cup tickets were charged. These charges will be reversed shortly.
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#MNUFC
training note: There was a llama on the sidelines today.
Most players were having nothing to do with the llama. DJ Taylor, however, stood by the llama, yelling at teammates, "Hey! Come and touch the llama!"
Can you tell the Loons don't have a game this Saturday?
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If
#MNUFC
pulls off a 1-0 win in this game, honestly the fans should carry Dayne St. Clair off the field, he's been that good
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Khaled El-Ahmad is committed to the bit. Asked what he uses to sell MLS and Minnesota to new players, the
#MNUFC
CSO immediately deadpanned, "Olive Garden is the first thing that I mention."
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It is a shame that
#MNUFC
defender Zarek Valentin, who announced his retirement today, is hurt. He deserves to go out on the field, rather than limping around at training with a yellow jersey on.
That said, we haven’t seen the last of him. He’s the kind of guy you want around.
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I’ll never forget watching the USMNT beat Colombia in 1994, on the TV in my grandparents’ kitchen, on ABC.
Anyway USA cricket has a chance to beat Pakistan this afternoon and it might as well be on the Playboy Channel for how inaccessible it is to normal people.
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Just want to say to any Loons fans that are still watching this game (and are here online), even though it's nearing midnight and LAFC is using the visitors for target practice:
You are true sickos. You are my people. I appreciate you.
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Huh, turns out the "sit back and let RSL take 400 shots from wherever they choose" defensive plan was not successful.
#MNUFC
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I need an official
#MNUFC
statement about how they ended up with black jerseys and white shorts. What in the world?
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Who wants a Reynoso update/statement from
#MNUFC
CSO Khaled El-Ahmad?
“Emanuel Reynoso did not attend his recent green card appointment, and he remains in Argentina. We do not have an updated timeline for his return and have no additional comment at this time.” (Con’t in next)
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The Minnesota Timberwolves, missing the potential Defensive Player of the Year from the lineup, held the defending NBA champs to 35 points in a half.
We've gone entire seasons, decades maybe, as Wolves fans, without anything this good to savor
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Watching English people talk about today’s semifinal makes me feel so at home, as a Minnesotan, because absolutely every English person seems to be at fever pitch of I AM THE MOST EXCITED I HAVE EVER BEEN YET ALSO COMPLETELY CERTAIN TODAY WILL BE THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
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Man, looking back at what Dotson got sent off for... the second one is probably a foul. The first one might be a card, but for Gyasi Zardes's convenient loss of verticality.
There have been four fouls since Dotson was sent off that were worse than either one.
#MNUFC
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2003: wow this bar has Guinness, how foreign
2014: this bar has a really good craft list, I like it here
2019: what the hell is a Wanker Central Cthulhu Four Square Swiss Double Bock IPA
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Hey guys remember the night when the Wild shut out the Blackhawks and the Gophers slaughtered the Badgers? That was a pretty good night.
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#MNUFC
ppg this year:
Before Copa América: 1.86
Copa América to Leagues Cup: 0.50
Since Leagues Cup: 2.00
I’m sure every team has a stretch they’d like to throw out, but when the Loons have had a full squad, they really have been among the best teams in the West.
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Soccer Insider: I went to Providence Park, the home of
@TimbersFC
. I ended up with goosebumps.
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All of you told me that Master Noodle was good, but nobody told me that it was so good that it would become my sole form of self-care from now on.
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2018 Minnesota pro sports review:
Twins: disaster, manager fired
Vikings: disaster, firings upcoming
Wolves: Shakespearean tragedy of a disaster
Wild: disaster but also they have no way to stop it
Lynx: disaster on the end of greatness
Loons: disaster with grade inflation
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The Wild have existed for two decades and this is the first time that they could accurately be described as “fun."
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#MNUFC
has 20 points in 9 games against the three Texas teams, and 21 points in 20 games against the rest of MLS.
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Can't say enough about that
#MNUFC
performance. Road game against a tough team that's right above them in the standings, a true six-pointer down the stretch, and they just dragged Vancouver into hell defensively. Dayne St. Clair had to catch the ball a couple of times, is all.
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Allow me, a middle-aged Minnesota sports fan, to share some wisdom with any young people reading this:
If the Twins are playing the Yankees, or the Wolves are playing the Lakers, find something else to do with your time.
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“This Wolves team is different than all the other Minnesota sports teams,” said the fools, the buffoons, the hopeless and the damned
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I want to say thank you to
@andygreder
for asking me to fill in for the Pioneer Press while he was gone.
Also, since
#MNUFC
lost all three games, I’m sad to report that the club is planning to kidnap him so that he can never go on vacation again.
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Realized this morning that if
#MNUFC
successfully completes the deal for Pachuca's Miguel Tapias, they will have center backs named Michael, Mikael, and Miguel this season.
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Good morning. The Minnesota Golden Gophers are 8-0 this football season and in fact have won ten consecutive football games.
I don't know what's going to happen the rest of this year and beyond, but I am going to damn well enjoy this feeling for a couple of weeks.
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Curious what you think of the new jerseys on the field,
#MNUFC
fans. Black and blue isn’t the iconic wing look, but on the field it looks pretty snazzy to me?
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The Wild are terrible at home this year. Also, seemingly, every Wild player has a new baby this year.
I'm just saying that the correlation is definitely there and the causation seems plausible.
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No Minnesota fanbase has ever spent more, and gotten less, than
#mnwild
fans, whether it’s dollars or just sheer undying support. They’re the Ponzi scheme of Minnesota sports.
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We can talk about the Rosendo Mendoza's elastic interpretation of time, but we also need to talk about Mikael Marques juggling the ball on the halfway line, leading inevitably to the turnover that ended with the ball in the back of the net.
What in the absolute world.
#MNUFC
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One reminder here: Crépeau made 16 saves in that game, but the Whitecaps lost 3-1.
St. Clair kept a clean sheet in a game his team won despite being down to 10 men.
Epic performance.
#MNUFC
Dayne St. Clair made a
@MNUFC
-record and
@LeaguesCup
-record 16 saves in a single match in tonight's shutout win over Necaxa.
The 16 saves equaled the MLS regular-season record set by Maxime Crépeau for Vancouver Whitecaps FC against the San Jose Earthquakes on Aug. 24, 2019.
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Saturday night’s all right for… Emanuel Reynoso news!
As many have noted from social media, he is indeed back in Minnesota.
#MNUFC
has “outlined clear steps that he must complete before any reintegration with the first team,” according to a club spokesman.
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When
@MNUFC
fired Adrian Heath with two games to go in the 2023 season, I thought that the best explanation was that they wanted to get an early jump on hiring someone new.
Guess I couldn't have been more wrong about that one!
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#MNUFC
transfer news: a source confirms that the deal for Genoa forward Kelvin Yeboah is progressing. He’s expected to arrive in Minnesota this week for a medical.
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Well, that was terrible, but at least it’s also 11:30pm on a school night.
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I’m told that the deal to bring Argentinian midfielder Joaquín Pereyra to
#MNUFC
is nearly done. Would be the club’s fifth new player of the transfer window - which closes tomorrow.
Team training is this afternoon- will see who might have visas done…
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I tried to get Michael Boxall to think about what he'd tell a young player that had a rough night like his. He was... not about it.
"As a young player you’re expected to make mistakes, because that's how you learn, but I’m old as s***. I shouldn’t be doing that."
#MNUFC
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FINAL: Union Omaha 2,
#MNUFC
1.
The Loons played two DP attackers for all 90 min against a 3rd-division team - including the last 40 when they were trailing and desperately needed a goal! - and scored once.
Just a deeply embarrassing night for the franchise, on multiple levels.
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How many years of US Open Cup frustration have we endured? How many ugly losses, how many cheating KC teams… and now, finally, a trip to the final.
#MNUFC
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The Star Tribune is going to start posting my Saturday soccer column online on Fridays, which I'm hoping means it'll be more than just Saturday coffee-drinkin' dads that read it from now on.
Starts with this: La Liga and MLS are both just chasing dollars, at the expense of fans.
Soccer problem: Leagues care more about money than fans. Our latest Soccer Insider with
@jmarthaler
.
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#MNUFC
4, Everton 0.
Meaningful? Maybe not. But this has to go down as one of the more delightful nights in Loons history.
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[turns on TV for USA game against Bosnia and Herzegovina]
[checks lineups to see if Christian Ramirez is in the starting lineup]
[finds out Ramirez isn’t even a substitute]
[turns off TV]
[throws TV out window]
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Okay, the
#MLSSeasonPass
broadcast of Minnesota and Dallas has lost audio once and video about three times.
Did they subcontract this broadcast to Bally Sports, or what?
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Houston beat the Loons at Allianz Field and gave their coach a contract extension.
Dallas got a draw, and fired their coach.
Allianz Field is the crucible of Texas coaching.
Austin FC is here in two weeks; get ready, Josh Wolff.
FC Dallas has announced the departure of Nico Estévez as head coach of the club.
📰
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I only want one thing for Christmas - in fact I'd be fine if it was the only thing you all got me for every Christmas forever:
I want Minnesota's NHL team to be named the North Stars again, and adopt the appropriate classic jerseys.
There is not one good reason not to do this.
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[peels nameplates off of backs of LAFC defenders' jerseys]
hey wait why does every single one of these say "DEMIDOV" on the back
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I want to note that Lindsey Horan just got engaged to a Minnesotan and therefore, that counts as a World Cup goal scored by
#oneofus
.
#localangle
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We need to talk about that tackle from
#AllForCITY
's Kyle Hiebert. Not only did he dive in after his teammate had won the ball, give away a penalty, and earn a yellow card, he ALSO managed to foul his teammate.
A true "just learning the controls on FIFA" moment.
#MNUFC
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I often get random team magnet schedules in the mail from realtors, mortgage companies and so forth - Vikings, Twins, even a few Gopher football schedules.
Today was the first time any of them has ever sent me a
#MNUFC
schedule.
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I got thinking about
#MNUFC
and a few Twitter discussions - and then I watched the Timberwolves. We should appreciate the Loons and where they’re at. It could be so much worse.
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