Mr. Newberger
@jeremynewberger
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Political Satirist, Emmy nominated doc filmmaker, TV Director. Former Blue Check. jnewberger on Threads.
United States
Joined December 2008
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Pinned Tweet
Leonardo da Vinci’s The Last Subpoena
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Hilarious that Trump literally blames all his problems on the last President and the next President.
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Thank you Mr. President, for not creating a panic. This has been the most chill 9 months.
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When Malia Obama cuts off an elephant's tail and sells our country out to the Russians call me.
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Looks like Trump's 2020 campaign slogan is "Fuck it, I'm a racist"
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You people went from "Don't tell us to wear masks!" to "Have that baby!" in like two months. You realize how crazy that makes you?
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Fox News is where people who hate blacks, people who hate Jews, people who hate Gays, people who hate Latinos, and people who hate Muslims can all gather to pretend they are just people who hate Liberals.
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Hey Fellow Americans,
This is Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen of Denmark. She told Trump to shove his desire to buy Greenland up his ass and is now bing rewarded by not having to meet him. That is a great example of a strong woman beating Trump. Take notice how easy it is.
Me
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Two different Americas.
LEFT: Americans on food lines in Texas.
RIGHT: Michigan legislators at Trump Hotel drinking Dom Perignon
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BTW, this meme going around, I did say this. 100% TRUE.
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Joe Biden got an endorsement from the pilot who safely landed a plane on the Hudson River. Trump got an endorsement from the niece of the guy who unsafely landed two planes into the Twin Towers.
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The Former President calling for a CIVIL WAR is way beyond screaming fire in a theater. Especially after he incited an actual attack on our Capitol. This is the part where law enforcement and three letter agencies need to step in.
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Trump was in such financial ruin that we put him in charge of our economy. He dodged service so we put him in charge of our military. His marriages went to shit so we made him the moral center of our country. He was the shittiest person alive so we gave him the nuclear codes.
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Black people can't breathe when a cop kneels on their necks. White people can't breathe when someone asks them to wear a mask at Trader Joe's.
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Here is how we're gonna do this.
1. Trump needs to resign.
2. Pence too.
3. Pelosi becomes President.
4. Government to be opened ASAP.
5. Trump's trial to be on Sundays on HBO after Game of Thrones.
6. Fox News to become music television channel.
7. Don Jr. + Ivanka arrested.
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It took Jim Jordan 8 months to recall he spoke to Trump multiple times on January 6th. That's suspicious AF.
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CPAC stood up for a dictator. Nancy Pelosi stood up to a dictator.
Class dismissed.
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My unit was tight. There was Lt. Cruz, a bad ass from Texas. Guy could carry a roll-on suitcase through a crowded airport, without a care in the world. There was Corporal Graham, a party boy from South Carolina. Knew how to make a mint julep using just rations and his own urine.
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Get ready for the AMERICAN PEOPLE v. FOX NEWS, because after we are done burying our dead, those of us that survive this, we are coming for you, with every thing we got.
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The FBI is lying. The IG is lying. The Ambassador is lying. The NSC is lying. The advisor to VP Pence is lying. The Special Prosecutor was lying. The women were lying. The guy saying he already built a border wall and posting his head on Sly Stallone's body is telling the truth?
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.
@RealDonaldTrump
just set the world record for the guy rejected by more women in a single day in the history of humanity.
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Make no mistake, a sitting US Congress member talking about Satan whispering in woman’s ears telling them to get abortions so the men will marry them is a cause for alarm and great concern.
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@realDonaldTrump
ADDERALL & DIET COKE, taken together, make you suggest unproven medicines during a pandemic.
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Fox News is so depressed and dejected they haven't even hung up their "Democrats are canceling Christmas" decorations yet.
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Senator Ron Johnson saw the Auschwitz Hoodie Guy and felt comforted that the rioters loved their country. Had that guy have had dreads and a Colin Kaepernick hoodie, Ron would have hid under his desk.
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Trump passed his cognitive test at Walter Reed. The Doctors put it on a table and he walked right past it.
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If saying Happy Holidays on Christmas is more offensive to you than saying Fuck Joe Biden on Christmas you might have some mental problems.
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I don't care if Lady G is gay. I love gay people. I don't care if his suitors are male escorts. A job is a job. BUT if it is revealed that this info was responsible for his abhorrent traitorous behavior these last 3 years, this mother fucker is going down. (and not in a fun way.)
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The one cop Fox News doesn’t want to honor happens to be the one cop their audience murdered.
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It's amazing to me that some people imagine Trump as some John Wick style ninja assassin when in reality he is afraid of birds, staircases, testifying, and showing his taxes.
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Quite frankly, more important right now than removing Confederate statues from the Capitol, is removing Confederate Congressmen.
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Marjorie Taylor Greene’s messy divorce followed by Trump death threatening Mitch McConnell followed by Dr. Oz killing puppies followed by Herschel Walker fighting with his son over his abortion lie expose. The GOP is trash TV.
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Mike Pence walks across a field of murdered Kurdish children, passes caged babies at the Southern border, hopscotches over the lifeless bodies of kids shot at a school, side-steps some starving kids losing their food stamps, grabs a mic, and criticizes that unthinkable Baron pun.
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If you think the Democrat controlled Congress is being unfair in their handling of the Trump impeachment inquiry process I suggest you write a strongly worded letter to Supreme Court Justice Merrick Garland.
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How are we supposed to fix Afghanistan when we can't even get Florida right?
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@realDonaldTrump
...And the water glass was very heavy, twice the weight of a normal water glass, and that's why I had to hoist it up with my other hand, to make sure it didnt fall and break, causing broken glass to hurt one of our troops, which the fake news would love.
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Still can’t get over the fact that Randy Kaufman was caught jerking off in his car outside an elementary school and still got 350,000 Republicans to vote for him.
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I'd rather live with people from shitholes than people in sheet holes.
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@Acosta
President Biden is gonna have to appoint a Secretary of eBay to buy back all the artifacts being taken from the WH, isn't he?
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You know Trump is sitting in a Mar-A-Lago cigar room right now, celebrating, with a bunch of men who have probably bought their girlfriends more abortions than jewelry.
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HANNITY: Mr. President, your favorite color is green, true or false?
TRUMP: That’s a great question Sean. The Fake News Media would never ask me something like that. They are too afraid to ask me real questions. That’s why your ratings are through the roof. The answer is 6.
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Please respect Marjorie Taylor Greene's privacy. This divorce matter is clearly between the Congresswoman, her husband, her polyamorous tantric-sex guru, and her Nazi friends.
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@tedcruz
@Sethrogen
While pondering the Ted Cruz vs Seth Rogen battle it is good to remember that one of these men gave us Freaks & Geeks, Knocked Up, and Pineapple Express, while the other tried to incite a takeover of the US Capitol that resulted in the death of a cop.
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It's not that the folders were empty. It's that the folders were emptied.
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A large segment of America watch Fox News, OAN, Newsmax, follow guys like Tucker Carlson and Dan Bongino, think the FBI attacked the Capitol, COVID was fake, Trumps still President, and want Putin to best Biden today. Forget infrastructure. America has to fix it's Info-structure.
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If Liberals angry with Fox News surround the building, broke through the doors en masse, rolled through the halls shouting 'Hang Rupert Murdoch', rummaged Tucker's office, shat in halls, threatened anchors, maimed security guards.
Would Tucker call that not much happening too?
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@realDonaldTrump
...might be one of the steepest ramps in the history of our country. Many people are saying that not even Evel Knievel would have attempted it as quickly as I did. Sleep Joe Biden would have skidded down the ramp. My strong heels managed it like a champ. I had Bone spurs ya know.
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You can either click on this article and learn why Sarah Palin resist the vaccine or you can look out your window at birds. Which do you do? Choose wisely.
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Why isn't Rush Limbaugh outside with a bullhorn? How come
@SeanHannity
isn't leading 'Fire Fauci' cheers from a crowd of patriots? Why aren't the GOP Senators and Congressman, calling for an end to the quarantine, out on the front lines, visiting open beaches? Yeah you know why.
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So Ivermectin failed. Joe Rogan led you to a false cure. Please remember how sure you were, and feel free to feel some shame.
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@SecPompeo
[record scratch]
Multiculturalism is not who America is?
So America is just fat white dudes and their needy wives who abuse their staff to take out their shitty husband's dry cleaning while he travels the world making the country look like thick ignorant assholes?
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Texas Governor Greg Abbott has officially asked President Joe Biden and FEMA for assistance in handling irony.
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Want to see some real fireworks? Watch tomorrow when the Supreme Court orders Trump's tax returns released.
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@RepClayHiggins
So in a nutshell, he's blaming young people's focus on gender identity for Russia invading a sovereign Democracy. And also suggesting that if young people had just listened to his bias, Russia wouldn't be threatening to go nuclear. In other words, horse shit.
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This week in America some little Black girls were arrested for not stopping a fight. Meanwhile, some old White guys were not arrested for inciting an insurrection at our Capitol. Fix this.
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Big round of applause for
@GOPChairwoman
Ronna Romney. I mean it. You did it, girl! You got us the Senate!
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Take it easy on me, it’s my first day on the job as court sketch artist.
#TrumpArraignment
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We are doing a horrible job at holding awful people accountable. It is why we are inundated with them.
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Watch as Lauren Boebert, jealous of Marjorie Taylor Greene's relationship with Satan, confronts her. All next week on the Real Housewives of Hades.
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SARAH SANDERS: It was out of respect for our President that world leaders observed a moment of silence during Vice President Pence’s speech in Munich.
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See those 2 buildings filled with people? Osama bin Laden's terrorists flew planes into them and killed them, as well as many who came to rescue them. OBL was a terrorist and a monster. And you can take his Letter to America and shove it up your ass. They didnt deserve death.
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Now what's this shit about Hannity and Gov. Abbot blaming the storm in Texas on solar power and windmills? Can we have one god damn night where stupid people are not influencing huge TV audiences?
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With Hope Hicks resigning Trump is down to just Stephen Miller, Ivanka, Jared, Peter Navarro, and the Camp Auschwitz Hoodie Guy.
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Fox News officially has ZERO influence on our White House.
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I think
#DerangedDonald
is gonna stick.
Deranged Donald has this neat job where he’s supposed to receive and read books with more accurate, highly valuable, top secret information, but he doesn’t like those books unless they have lots of pictures and tell him how great he is.
#DerangedDonald
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To the select people angry that I spread that image of the Orlando Nazis.
I don't hide Nazis, I hunt Nazis. I also don't stay quiet. I get real loud. Their hateful images should be seen, identified, shamed, and pointed out. That is how we truly achieve NEVER AGAIN.
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Amazingly Newt Gingrich saw what Rudy Guiliani had done to his reputation and said 'I want that.'
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Somehow kneeling during the national anthem at a football game is bad, but throwing a Nazi salute at a school board meeting is A-OK.
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Putin dead, Trump indicted, Alex Jones broke. That’s my hope for the new year. (Jewish New Year.)
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So TN Legislators kept this guy, accused of molesting 3 HS girls when he was a coach, caught on tape apologizing to one of the girls, but fired the Black guys for talking into bullhorn about gun violence? If Republicans want to protect our children stop protecting their abusers.
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Hey Karma, you beautiful angel you, I hate to be greedy, but could you do Stephen Miller next?
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Lindsey Graham is one part Jim Crow, one part Blanche Devereaux.
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Imagine turning on OANN because Fox News is not stupid enough for you.
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Jim Jordan refusing to speak up about what he witnessed sounds very familiar.
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Here is the list of cowards in the US Senate who refuse to comment on Trump's attempts to steal the election and harm our Democracy. Their silence speaks volumes.
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The First Cat must be named Malarkey. I insist on this.
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@realDonaldTrump
Last night I had an entire pizza in front of me. Then one by one, the slices started to magically disappear as the night went along. VERY STRANGE, and now this morning there is no sign of it.
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Would love to see which part of the Math textbooks in Florida had CRT, causing Ron DeSantis to ban them. Anyone got that?
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You will be fine getting the shot in your arm. Don't worry. It's not like you are being forced to have a baby or anything.
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One guy leaves top secret nuke documents all over the floor at his resort's omelette station, and the other guy kidnaps and abandons migrants at liberal vacation towns for Fox News Scooby snacks. And those are the two top choices Republicans have come up with for President.
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LEFT: Ukrainian born American hero shows off his medals.
RIGHT: Hungarian born American zero shows off his Nazi pin.
Which one do you think Trump and Fox News support?
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Personally I think the 51st State should be named SUCK IT LINDSEY GRAHAM, but I am not great at naming stuff.
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HANNITY: How many millions of people are going to your Tulsa rally?
TRUMP: I got 80 million ticket requests.
HANNITY: WOW 280 million people is a lot of people.
TRUMP: Fire Marshals say they’ve never had 10 billion people before.
HANNITY: 25 billion people has got to be a record.
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Feels like the best way to protect yourself from an armed gunman with an AR-15, is to vote out Republicans.
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@RepClayHiggins
He's saying:
Young people who are not right wing shit birds like me, who weren't alive during the nuclear race, can now experience the threat while pondering social injustice. And your demand to identify differently than what I am accepting of, didn't stop nuclear proliferation.
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Of course Trump was drinking Coke while telling you not to, he did the same thing with the COVID vaccine.
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Did Trump just thank Russia, BEFORE the US Intelligence officials?
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Remember when terrorists tried to bomb the World Trade Center and we ignored them, and then 8 years later they brought down both buildings? We ignore moments like January 6th and yesterday's failed Library of Congress bombing at our own peril.
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Funny that Fox News is stigmatizing Joe Biden for being old, senile, being Dementia Joe, when the median age of their audience is 65. I SAID THE MEDIAN AGE OF THEIR AUDIENCE IS 65! TURN DOWN FOX NEWS SO YOU CAN HEAR ME TALKING! NEVER MIND. I SAID NEVER MIND!
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That Florida guy who is transplanting migrants to Martha’s Vineyard, the one who doesn’t say gay, his house should be the destination for the largest gay rally in LGBTQ history. Gay people should be flown in from all over. Streisand should sing on a rainbow colored flatbed truck.
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