JackAttack
@jackie_murtha
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Following
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Why wear black when you can wear pink?
Joined May 2014
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Pinned Tweet
People that sleep with socks on can't be trusted
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My boyfriend hypes me up for doing practically nothing. I go on one run and he makes it seem like I’m the Greek goddess of heath and wellness.
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Hahahaha my sister comments on her finsta post with her rinsta like she’s a whole different person
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It’s crazy to think that our relationship wouldn’t have started without Snapchat and now here we are with a 1000 day streak and almost 3 years of happiness 💕
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Spent 20 minutes watching a video about how to take care of my cast iron skillet. I don't have a cast iron skillet.
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LOOK AT MY SISTER YALL SHE IS STUNNING
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"Don't be surprised if a lot of people drop dead if the Eagles win the Super Bowl. People have been waiting around for 57 years for this to happen and once it does, what will they need to live to the next year for?" - words of wisdom from my 75 year old Poppy
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Leave it to me to drop my phone off the balcony at the mall 😊
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"Darren Daulton was the first Phillies jersey I ever got. He was my favorite because he had a nice ass." -Nana (my grandma) 😂😂😂
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Poshmark has me feeling pretty good about doing nothing all day
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Don’t be surprised when I name my first child buffalo chicken dip
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Lolllllll my mom made us French toast and used cumin instead of cinnamon I'm dead 😂😂😂😂
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Coming home from college is great because my siblings actually wanna do stuff for me because they missed me 😁
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Just went to
@tacobell
and they didn’t have BEEF. HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE THE ONE INGREDIENT THATS IN ALL OF YOUR PRODUCTS.
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Was talking about my sister and she jazz walked into my room to see if we were talking shit
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THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN MAILED TO ME 😍
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Can anyone tell me why your ass gets itchy when you sit on a hard chair in leggings?
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Just found out guac is technically a condiment and my whole life was flipped upside down.
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Claud forgot her wallet at my house so I brought it to her and she bought me these as a thank you ❤️
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My mom said I should consider being Baymax in Disney World....
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Jenn said we're not allowed to watch HGTV anymore because people's happiness makes Em cry too much
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Clearly Chris has never baked cookies before because he thought it was a great idea to shove his finger into one of them while they were still in the oven to see if they were done 🙃
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“Stupid Dad loves me no matter what like I lost all this weight and he’s just like you’ve always been beautiful... he like just loves me.” -my Mom
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I stubbed my toe on the oven & broke my toenail in half & then I dropped my phone on my face & gave myself a fat lip. Tonight is going well.
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All I’m saying is there’s still a chance for the Jonas Brothers to have a seventh album and I’m honestly relieved
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Set an alarm for 5am to check for snow. If I don't see flakes I'm dumping ice outside of UArts so we don't have class. Who's with me?
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Our relationship is built on corny pickup lines and dad jokes
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Took a nap while chris went on a 10 mile run and he woke me up by laying on top of me with his sweaty body 😑
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Reasons I have a boyfriend: so he can catch Pokemon for me while I'm driving
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How lazy am I? I just sat at home with my backpack on for a solid 30 minutes because I didn't feel like taking it off
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Ordered insomnia with my parents
Mom: are they going to knock when they got here
Dad: no they're just gonna stand out there and hope we look
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When asking the question, "Who was Washington's Vice President?" to Emily she confidently responded, "Joe Biden."
#historylessonswithem
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No matter how many times I've watched it How I Met Your Mother always makes me laugh
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All of these people are going to tropical places for spring break and here I am... broke and on the couch
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Walked into the bathroom to V drinking a cup of tea in the bath while watching someone put 250 layers of nail polish on on YouTube..13 or 80
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Just cried trying to give Chris and Jeremy a summary of 'The Notebook'
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I’m 24 years old and it takes every ounce of self control that I have to not eat cookie dough for lunch
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Just got carded because me and Em walked into the mall without an adult
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I tear up a little bit every time I watch that commercial about the lost piggy bank that eventually finds his family
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I feel like I'm on the verge of my first major meltdown and the semester hasn't even started yet
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Can someone please tell me what Tupperware is made of that makes it so impossible to dry
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AT THIS TIME TOMORROW WE WILL BE LEAVING FOR FLORIDA! IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?!?!
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I LOVE corn dogs. Literally crave them all the time.
Here’s something I’ve always wanted to get off my chest. I love corn dogs. I feel like they’re frowned upon but I truly from the bottom of my heart love them. Thank you
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Someone prank called me & I forgot that was a thing so I was genuinely confused when Becky called to upgrade my nonexistent Spotify account
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The first day of senior year is tomorrow and I'm down the shore pretending that it's not happening and ignoring all responsibilities
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“I want a fluffy cat, a chihuahua, and a new car and if I don’t get all that before I die you’re gonna be sorry.” Gotta love Nana
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My 14 year old sister watched 10 hours of The Bachelorette today. Freaking goals.
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Noel- hey v do you know what a sun shower is?
V- yeah it's when it gets too hot and the clouds are like boi
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Last night I had a dream that Regina George punched me in the face
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Day four of being in charge and we've locked ourselves out of the house twice
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Val just woke up, looked at me, said, "the fridge?" and then passed back out.
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Leave it to me to accidentally shoot peppermint scented soap into my eyeball... shout out to Jenn for saving my life from 1000 miles away
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Claud is babysitting this little boy and from what I can hear I believe he just stole our watermelon
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Currently FaceTiming my Nana and she is more concerned about making shrimp for the Super Bowl than the fact that she’s in the hospital.
#GoBirds
🦅
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I don’t recall attempting to join said fan club but I’m so happy I did
#treatyourselvesdancers
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and then as I left work the I saw that the seat was stolen from said bike for the second time in a month and I said "I hate Philadelphia."
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Improper grammar is not cool. Please learn how to use it before your next tweet. Thanks. ✋
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I’m over here liking Gucci bags on Poshmark like I can actually afford them. Someone stop me.
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Me and
@jennnedmonds
sneaking down the stairs after signing in and hiding in the bathroom once everyone walked into knowing dance more
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Drunk in love just randomly started playing on my phone in my pocket... The queen is sending me a message on her birthday
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Only I would have a hot shrimp thrown into my eyeball at a hibachi grill
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If I see one more video of someone poking slime on my feed I might explode
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As I was riding my bike to work today I was looking at city hall and thinking about how cool it is to live in center city
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If Emily tries to make out with me one more time I'm going to beat her with my new stick
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Chris doesn't think I could eat 12 wings in 6 minutes 😒 he's clearly underestimating me and my wing skills
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"Valerie, why you looking salty? Valerie, why you mad?" - my mom
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PSA VICTORIAS SECRET HAS 10 FOR $35 UNDIES TODAY ONLY THIS IS NOT A DRILL YALL
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