Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man

6 years later and still waiting for the thief to come forward. Also, if any of you see the “November 1st” candy meme of me in my car full of Kit Kats tomorrow please report them to the police

If I could just be shirtless in a bowling alley I know I could roll a 300

When it’s November 1st and all the candy is 50% off

dentists should just leave the teeth they pulled on the ground like how barbers leave all that hair on the floor

I don’t really tweet anymore but today I saw a guy out jogging stop and take a smoke break. Something I just gotta document

The spelling champ is back

If I were president, Hummer stretch limo’s would not exist

Whoever made this is still my greatest enemy

John Mayer spotify playlist is a great study tool

Sooo my grandpa ate half a quart of paint today thinking it was yogurt

Do you like velveeta queso or are you in the upper class

Blessed

Uploading my guitar hero highlight reel to hudl

I hate to get political but birds are not real

How cold is the oven they use to make frozen pizzas. The science behind it seems insane

Bad news for my enemies. I woke up

Grad school is like playing golf with a ping pong ball

My dad’s spelling is immaculate