“Maybe we’re all just broken furby’s on the inside.” / “I’m pretty sure I had a haunted teletubbie toy when I was a kid” - Carolline

There is Candy Crush, and Caffeine Crash. Which are you..

THIS IS INCREDIBLE😭???

Hey @UPS your online customer service is a bummer and I’d like my phone that was supposed to be delivered Monday (maybe Tuesday).

The @cavs might be good but the @chicagobulls are winning. #69

Hey @ChiaPetOfficial … Larry David

Hey @UberEats give me someone to talk to. Your “help” is not helping. I did not cancel my order and we’ve been tracking our delivery.

Yo @hotelsdotcom your shit is a messsss

Hey @dreamchaserTy10 come to an Emo Night. #OHwellimagine

the european mind cannot comprehend lil jon doing georgia's roll call

It’s cool to hear @AllTimeLow call out their first show in Illinois, while seeing them in Chicago many years later. Tobin from @hopelessrecords made it happen. A coffee house in Bloomington IL. Wild.

Boycott the Wiener Circle, we murder children

Yo @UberEats what the heck? Both of our orders were incorrect and it’s my responsibility to check them? That’s pretty messed up. I’ll gladly use other apps if this is the service you are providing now.

6.22 Nu-metal Day party at @BeautyBarChi 🍻

This is the dumbest shit I’ve read since .. every Kevin Sorbo tweet ever

Jesse Plemons with one of the best line deliveries in the history of comedy movies.

Baby girl, what’s your name?

“Do you think alien’s could be in the water. Like hiding in there. Do you think they can pick up a habit of breathing under water?” - @witchyxpeach

“Calm down ketchup.” - @witchyxpeach In have ketchup branded socks on.

“Cheering the Falcons Up!” - @witchyxpeach