Helen Knott
@helen_knott
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Dane Zaa, Cree, Mètis, facilitator/speaker, author of two nationally best selling books, In My Own Moccasins, and Becoming a Matriarch.
British Columbia
Joined January 2012
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A woman messaged me on IG about her book club of 6 that is discussing my book tonight. I was like, girl, want me to pop on as a surprise for the last 15 mins?
She’s sworn to secrecy.
I am nerd level excited to surprise them.
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It was amazing. I tried to take a video but ended up pressing record when I put the phone down and ended up with 10 minutes of book club talk 😂 i told them we need a pic for Twitter.
When I showed up 30 mins deep:
“No way!”
“No, nooooo. What!?”
“What!? Oh my god”
“Oh...my...”
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One woman kept her hands over her face in shock for the first bit, over her mouth, stunned. One ate popcorn like, oh this is juicy.
They all live 5 minutes away from each other and this book club has been their saving grace, so I am glad I could connect!
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They are on Pacific Standard Time lol, so I don’t join for another hour⏰
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1/ My son is “white passing”. Today in class they had someone talk about anti-indigenous and anti-blackness in class. The guy asked if anyone was native, my son did not raise his hand in a class full of Caucasian kids.
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Update: we are doing a CBC Radiowest interview today, some of the women of the club are being interviewed ahead of time and excerpts will play during the live. I am SO excited for them ❤️ I really hope this has made their week!! Magic
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Do you know what kind of uproar there would be if indigenous people lit things on fire and stole lobster from WHITE fishermen? It would be a nationally covered issue. Public outcry would be deafening. There would be rcmp to keep the “wild Indians” in their place.Fuck this country
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5/ Parenting children who have to experience racism is fucking hard y’all. Raise your kids better.
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3/ my heart fucking broke. My son used to stand up and talk about indigenous history, and our history, and tell our Dane Zaa tales in his 5th grade class. And now he stays quiet. I said it’s sad he can’t feel safe to be himself. We talked it out.
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2/ The kids launched further into racist discussions and commentary on the sidelines. Making harsh jokes etc., and my son said he didn’t raise his hand bc he didn’t want to be picked on as racist jokes were prevalent in the class.
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4/ I used to try to say I wasn’t native in 8th grade too but was visibly indigenous so it didn’t work. I was sad that he has to go through the same things that I did. That I hoped he could build up to being safe enough to own it and not trying to add more shame on him
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Here is my book, available through any platform (Amazon/indigo) but I encourage you to purchase locally. If you want me to crash a book club in the future I will do my best if I’m free. You gotta DM me. Also tell Angela Y Davis and
@JoyHarjo
i love them
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When you’re in high school there’s cliques. You grow up and realize there’s cliques in the workplace, cliques in the arts, cliques in every scene. There’s always a table you won’t be welcome to sit at. The only thing that changes is your ability to truly be yourself. Stay true
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Before the day has come a
& gone. It’s my sobriety birthday.
4 rehab stints
5 therapists
Countless sweatlodges
Endless prayers
Infinite breakdowns / breakthroughs
Life is good babycakes
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1/ My grandma is a residential school survivor. She did not raise my dad. I’ve seen her hurt my dad continually. She has a hard life, I know this. I grieve relationships that never existed, for my dad, for me. I feel grief for the protection she didn’t have as a child.
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Used to crash parties now I’m crashing book clubs.
(Last post on it lol)
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OK what!?!? Y’all did this!! 😭 Apple Books top 10 memoirs. I didn’t expect this. Thank you so much Twitter world.
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Once I was at a pow wow when a drummer I knew came up to me and said, “tell your dad I have a coffee for him. It’ll be at the drum with me.”
I was like okay.
Kind of strange but I didn’t ask questions.
I told my dad. He went over to the drummer and got his coffee and I see them
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The look on my face when I realized Richard was making some pow wow deal for my hand.
And that is the story of when my dad tried to sell me off for a double double… not even an XL
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An indigenous woman’s book club in Nova Scotia is reading my book. They had 120 people sign up. My friend tagged me in a post and it’s just a bunch of pics of indigenous women holding my book like “I got mine today”.
And my heart is so wildly full 🥹 ✨
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My 15 yr old brother just called to invite me for dinner. He is making chicken soup for the first time. When he thought I hung up.
I heard him say, “I fuckin’ got this”.
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Let’s normalize saying “go fuck yourself” when it’s called for
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I saw a lady today holding a sign for funds for her and her kids $. I was driving by and gave her 10 bucks. As I drove a way a small voice was like, “you can do better”. I drove back, got her info and she showed me pics of her kids. Tomorrow ima take her shopping for the kiddos.
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Shake hands. Dad is laughing his giant big Cree laugh when he gets back.
What? I ask him
He say, I told him earlier that if he wants to be a son in law he should get the father in law a large double double from Tim Hortons.
When he gave me the coffee he said “it’s done” in Cree.
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I really want to become a death doula and feel like that is a crazy decision.
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I told my dad that I thought grandmas nurse was handsome the other week.
He called from the hospital tonight, “i told him you thought he was handsome and he said he matched with you on a dating app and you stopped talking to him”
💀
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I pretty much love wearing my ribbon skirt in places and feel SO proud to be Indigenous. If only the teen I was, who carried internalized racism, could see me now.
We so proud lil mama 👏🏽
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2/ I don’t even know how to form words around this gaping hole that genocide has created in my family line. I do not have a relationship with my grandma. And today I feel confused. I am angry even. I don’t even know what reconciliation looks like in my family and this term gets
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After loss I cut my hair to my shoulders. For 3 years I grew it to my lower back. Having short hair reminded me to let myself be in my grief. Growing it long reminded me of rebuilding / rebirth after death. I finally allowed myself to cut it how I wanted it.
Hair tells stories
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3/ thrown around and we are supposed to always be the older wiser sibling and hold white peoples hands through it. And I can’t even form words around what i am feeling. I am carrying so much hurt and question marks.
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An organization asked my dad if he would come in and share his knowledge in his field and would give him an honorarium.
He said yes. They gave him 200
They asked again. They gave him 100.
They asked him again. They gave him tobacco.
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This is an example of what NOT to do.
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4/ she is in the hospital and I haven’t went and seen her. And all I feel today is a sick feeling in my stomach and feel the stretching of a gaping hole where our relationship was supposed to be.
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One of the bravest things I’ve ever had to do was walk with my mom as she made the journey out of this world. To stare into the truth with her, hold her hand, and not look away- not even for a moment. Not even for a moment. I would do it all again.
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“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you” - Gabor Mate
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I wore a tan button up today to work and when I came home my son said, “you look like you work at Jurassic park”
I was like, “chill, I had a rough day today”
He looks at me, “why did one of the velociraptors escape?”
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Here is the book cover for my book baby coming out Sept 5 2023 via
@KnopfCA
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This is from a photo taken in my territory, by my sister, wrapped in a Pendleton gifted to me by a brother for community work, with a feather I’ve used in healing work. 😭❤️ so excited.
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My cousin passed away last night after a long and hard battle. Today I am with her three young girls and taking them to get funeral clothes. It’s a hard day. The youngest slept beside me last night. I need a hot bath and good cry tonight.
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My Mama has been gone for 3 1/2 years now and I found this note tucked away in a card today. 🥺
(Yes I cried like a baby)
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Being an Indigenous woman is not synonymous with struggle.
I refuse it.
I declare sweet, unapologetic, Indigenous joy over my life. We have suffered enough.
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I always tweet about my dad but he’s been doing shopping for families in need and said on one kids wishlist there was only a heater and a blanket. Dad said, that won’t do and made sure he bought the kid a ton of extra gifts. Richard (dad) is my one of my fave human beings ❤️
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My kink is men who don’t over explain things to me that I already know.
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3 am thought: an editor made me cut the word "cacophony" from a piece because she never heard it before.... I have regretted it ever since. For what the word means, it is still one of my favourite words.
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Shaylanna has been missing for almost a year now. Next month her family is planning a one year boost to bolster the profile of her case. I met Shaylanna two years ago, and we talked about Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women
#mmiwg
She is now missing.
#bringshaylannahome
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but: even though you can’t fold a fitted sheet, you are still a capable human being.
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Idk what woman needs to hear this but.. don’t do work for free. I guarantee you there’s a male who is less qualified asking for a lot of money to do the same things.
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Okay but can someone pay me to create a national indigenous Auntie program that provides mentoring in the realm of healing, advocacy, and art to young indig women across Canada ?
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My 15 y.o brother is my biggest hype man. He followed me around the book store with my book like, “ARE YOU HELEN KNOTT?!.. DID YOU WRITE THIS BOOK?!”
“THIS BOOK IS A STAFF PICK”
Book in the air, pointing at it for all to see.
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Pulled over and turned the music up and danced under the moonlight and the stars tonight. I forgot what it felt like to be that level of free.
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I lock my bedroom door when I need a 30 minute recharge because my son is on spring break and constantly trying to show me TikTok videos. He just tried to open it and found it locked and said on the other side, “okay, good for you”.
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If you’re an introvert how do you build community and establish new meaningful relationships?
Asking for a friend.
The friend is me.
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I’m excited. Also, I don’t hear the small voice super often and I’m trying to practice listening to my intuition and guidance more and more these days. I feel like our ancestors communicate so we look out for each other
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Pretty happy that In My Own Moccasins won the Indigenous Peoples Publishing Award out of
@SaskBookAwards
. Congrats to all the winners! ❤️
Congratulations to the winners of this year's Saskatchewan Book Awards! Among the many nominations our press's incredible authors received, we are delighted to announce that
@helen_knott
, editor
@WhitneyFrench1
and the team behind "Back to Blakeney" have won the following awards:
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An Indig man from Minnesota was headed to Alaska for work. His vehicle broke down through a strange occurrence and he was stranded here in town. The repairs totalling thousands and the parts taking over a week. Four days into him staying in his vehicle @ the dealership,
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Dear Indigenous children: struggle isn’t your inheritance. We love you.
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When I was young I used to sound out my name with guys last names. Now, I have put in work into my career and the credibility of my name and I just can’t fathom ever changing it. I have my own name. I built that. 💯
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I was talking to a guy on a dating app who said he was going to go shoot some raccoons and then he changed his profile pic to him, his dog, and like 20 dead raccoons and I’ve never felt so sad about dating prospects in my entire life.
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The pursuit of Indigenous joy cannot be framed as selfishness. I wanna see y’all happy and not stuck in survival mode.
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Idk who needs to hear this but... being part Dene or Part Cree or part __\insert tribe/__ doesn’t make someone Métis. The Métis have their own history and origins and the name is not interchangeable for those coming from mixed backgrounds. ❤️
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(1) When we were doing the camp along the peace river to protest Site C. The people who have been involved with Unist'ot'en were there to give us guidance and advice. I haven't said anything directly - only shared posts - about what is happening in Wet'suwet'en territory.
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My book is doing a thing 🥰…thanks to
@chaptersindigo
Becoming a Matriarch is on the Most Anticipated Canadian books list is and 20% off for pre-order until July 2nd (in Canada). If you haven’t ordered already, you can order now - link is in below 👇🏽
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I’ve looked at a course several times and feel like the transition out of this world is such a sacred space and really want to uphold that for people and stare into the truth with them with as much love and grace as possible.
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We never really had a lot of money but every year my mom would save all of her Shoppers Drugmart Points and take me on my birthday to spend the points she accumulated since my last birthday. I miss her. She made due with what she had. Mamas make the world go around. 🌎
#ripmama
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I am grateful to be a part of this giant indigenous family that crosses state lines, mountains, lakes, and tribal bloodlines. Caring for each other is one of the beauties of life ❤️
Have a good day y’all.
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Today is my sobriety birthday yall ❤️ I’ve been making it lol
11 Things I've Done in 11 Years of Sobriety
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Yall!! My book tied for this award. I will gladly take it 🥹🔥
Helen Knott (
@helen_knott
,
@KnopfCA
) and Wayne McCrory (
@Harbour_Publish
) have tied for the 2024 George Ryga Award. The award will be presented to both winners at the Vancouver Public Library later in June. Learn about the winners and their work:
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@CBCEdmonton
This headline is also a fail. If you don’t know why, you and your staff really need to take some additional training. - also- no apology?
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My dad just raised 9200 to help out with Christmas hampers for the local women’s resource centre. He just drives around and talks to business contacts and gets individual donations all on his own. Richard is a rambling man, but man he makes me proud to be his daughter.
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The thing is, a lot of our older people will not have conversations about money or honorarium. They show up. And unfortunately they are taken advantage of often.
I was like, I’ll call them myself and tell them not to ask you again and explain why.
These were 1-2 hour long talks
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24 years ago I kissed a boy on the cheek for the first time In the schoolyard, and then he moved away and I never saw him again . Tonight we had our first date, and we had our first kiss on the lips. 🙈🙈
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My son said he feels guilty when people see his room like he’s spoiled.
He has a walk in closet, two recliners w his tv and a bathroom.
I said, we lived in shitty run down places for most of your life. You deserve nice things. I want you to know that and own that for your life.
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I measure new love prospects by this memory: a guy drove to Van airport during rush hour to spend 15 minutes with me in between flights and brought me home made granola in a jar labeled “sweets for my sweet”. Needless to say, it has ruined me.
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You know when you’re in conversation with a guy about knowledge you both share and then go further in depth than them & you see it in their eyes.. the light dwindling, the disinterest sets in & you know, if you didn’t know what you know he would like you more... Fuck those guys.
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My son wants to know: why don’t old people close their browser tabs on their phone?
I don’t have an answer and am typing this out on one of the 20 tabs I got going on.
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My dad once made a smoothie with cilantro, insisting it was kale. He made a breakfast wrap with eggs, peanut butter & bananas. This is the result of my mom cook for him since he was 21. Mom is gone now and dad keeps trying to force ingredients to marry each other. Pray for him
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It’s my books birthday today 🥳 she’s here. It’s real.
All those hours writing into the abyss became a whole book.
Woven into the pages of BECOMING A MATRIARCH are themes of mourning, sobriety through loss, and generational dreaming. This is a journey through pain, on the way to becoming. BECOMING A MATRIARCH by
@helen_knott
hits shelves today!
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When women say they don’t want more/any children… believe them.
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@msblackteach
I listened to a first time home buyers podcast & the guest speaker said “I know ppl don’t like doing this but I asked my parents for 30k”..I was like OK why is she speaking? I am 33 a single mom & finally at a place in my career where I can save but it took time & 2-3 hustles
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Update: some people on IG and Twitter have helped out. Will be taking her on a mini shopping spree tonight 🥰 people are the best
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35 today ✨ 🎂 closer to 40 than 30 with each passing breath 😂
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I saw a brown bear, three black bears and two cubs in the span of 10 minutes driving down the highway today.
I’d like to say it was a magical moment, but knowing there was an insane wildfire nearby I know they are losing home and I just felt sad.
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1. I can’t trust Richard (pops) with any disclosure. I know this yet I tell him things.
2. Past me really did future me dirty with that no reply.
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Me & the guy that I’m seeing do formal good nights every night over the phone where we spend a few minutes affirming the other, give some good vibes, and tell each other how much we like each other. Every night. This is the energy I’ve been waiting on 💕
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Two weeks ago
@WordsandGuitar
got on a phone call w me to help me talk out my next literary project and I said, I really hope I get to meet you in person.
And it happened.
I call it
#strawberrymoonmagic
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Dating white guys is hard bc one minute you’re flirting and talking about favourite movies and tacos and the next min they are saying something “accidentally” racist.
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1/ I stay quiet bc identity politics are repetitive and exhausting.. but damn yall, some of the views coming out are really damaging to 60s scoop survivors, their children, adoptees, and others who have been severely distanced by colonial measures from their indig communities
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I have been doing photography as a creative hobby for the past few months. Been getting semi-alright and started doing trades 4 photos. I took pics for beets and onions, pics for moosemeat, pics for beadwork. Working my way up.
#bringingbackbartering
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I had a very large corporation ask me to do a video about writing and success for their socials because it would be good for BOTH of us
I gave a very Auntie reply - the era of asking indigenous women for work for free is over.. + any bipoc women… + writers and creatives
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I tried to make a friend at the farmers market and said I would “engage in a slow courtship” until I won her over to be my friend, and realized why I have no friends.
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TW*
When I was in Calgary a young relative of mine was inebriated and I saw some large writing on her ankle. She had not been sober for a few days.
I asked her what it was
She said a white guy they met tattooed it on her
It was fuzzy and in bright red ink
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It’s 1am and all I can think about is how I wish I let my mom drink pop and not scold her for eating junk food days before she died. She had cancer and making sure she had clean food to was the only thing I felt like I could control. I wish I let her do what she wanted at the end
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Update from last nights post: going on a date.
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Also sorry for all the photos of me. I went years without a single selfie on Twitter
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Most of my life I’ve lived w an inner narrative like, I’m broken & damaged. After years of therapy, culture, ceremony and sobriety I feel.. FREE. I have so much beautiful space to create & love. I wish I had changed my inner talk earlier on bc they kept me stuck longer
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