ʞɔiwbɿɒH ꙅiɿʜƆ
@hardwick
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Following
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40,345
Stand-upper, Zombie Therapist, Ball Dropper, Ravenclaw, @Nerdist Inventor and ID10T
Lawss Angleez
Joined July 2008
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Heyyy 14 years of sobriety today! If you're thinking about it, JUST DO IT. Now. Just stop. You can. Go to AA. We'll be sober bday siblings!
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IT'S MAH DAMN BERFDAY! People ask me what they can get me. I don't need "things"! I NEED people being nicer. Donate money or time to charity. Call someone & tell them you care. Hug a friend. Have conversations instead of shout matches online. Kindness is my preferred present!! :)
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Amazing princess. Kickass warrior. Incredible writer. Kind soul. My first crush at 6. RIP Carrie Fisher...galaxies of fans mourn your loss.
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13 yrs ago today I gave up booze & got my life back. If you're thinking about it, get help: friends, counseling, AA. I did it, SO CAN YOU!
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In the 2 decades I've been using USB connectors I don't think I have EVER put one in properly without having to flip it over. Not. One. Time.
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This fucking year of losing people. I hope 2017 isn't as much of a dick as 2016 has been. Jesus.
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Unpopular Opinion: I think "Angel Soft" is a weird brand name for a toilet paper. I've never thought to myself, "Angels are such blissful, ethereal beings. I bet it would feel amazing to wipe my ass with one."
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Someday if I have kids the first thing I'm going to teach them is that when they grow up, to never decide to stop and have casual conversations right in the doorways of public buildings.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I loved this guy even though I had never met him. Loved his comedy, his appearances on SNL (when they still had stand-ups), and Night Court is one of my all-time favorite sitcoms. I hope he is in some magical afterlife doing card tricks with Mel Tormé.
#RIPHarry
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"Successful"
@hardwick
You haven't drank in 14 years? Like at all? There's a word for that but I forget what it was
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Anyone else feel like it's pointless to post on Instagram anymore since the algorithm is going to keep most of the people who are following you from seeing it anyway? And even if they do it might be a week later. What are they even doing over there? WHY DO THEY HATE US
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Holy shit.
@ThatKevinSmith
seems to be okay but he almost wasn't. Kev is a wonderful force of good and humor in this world and I'm proud to be his friend. We are lucky we didn't lose him so PLEASE send him HUGS!!!
After the first show this evening, I had a massive heart attack. The Doctor who saved my life told me I had 100% blockage of my LAD artery (aka “the Widow-Maker”). If I hadn’t canceled show 2 to go to the hospital, I would’ve died tonight. But for now, I’m still above ground!
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WHO'S A BIG BOY?? DARTH'S A BIG BOY IN HIS
@TARGET
BASKET
#ForceFriday
#ShareTheForce
#TargetPartner
http://t.co/NGcCPyWASf
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Truly tragic news in every direction today. Pay respects to those we've needlessly lost, and love/appreciate those close to you.
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Black Panther was so FANTASTIC. Honestly the excitement I felt in Hall H last year was only elevated by seeing the whole film. The cheers in the theater throughout the movie were electric. Particularly, seeing
@DanaiGurira
on the big screen CRUSHING IT was my favorite. See it!!!
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It just occurred to me that Wolverine probably never had diarrhea
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600 eps of
@midnight
! I'm so proud! I've nothing but gratitude for
@ComedyCentral
& YOU for watching/hashtagging :)
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Oh no we just saw the news about Debbie Reynolds. Absolutely heartbreaking...there are just no adequate words for how sad it all is...
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Hey whoever is trying to get into my twitter account by sending password requests, kindly choke on your own unwashed butt crack. Ok now stop reading this and git to chokin'!!!
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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Just watched
@WalkingDead_AMC
. See you in a few hours for the hug dispensary that is
@AMCTalkingDead
...
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It took every ounce of improv training I've ever had to fake my way through 900 conversations in Vegas about that damn MvM fight.
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Thank you for all the well-wishes!!
@LydiaHearst
& I had an incredible wedding!! Off to honeymoon! Will post pics when we get 'em!
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Such awful news about Ralphie May passing. He was a sweet guy and a great comic. 45 is too fucking young. So so sad. RIP Ralphie...
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I'm sorry I can't do a Talking Oscars, everyone! You'll have to work this one out for yourselves!
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"The moon, like a testicle, hangs low in the sky..." 1st Robin Williams bit I ever saw. He changed the course of comedy & my life with it.
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HHHAAAAAAAGRGEGAORGGGGFEFEFFFfewiFoiwedfdfff';l,.ad/fq4;;.\]
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BLOOD MOON!!!!!! Ah shit now I gotta kill those Bokoblins and Lizalfos AGAIN. brb
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Ron, I'd like to personally invite you to come on our show! Wait...let me rephrase that...
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11 years ago today I quit the booze. Best decision I've ever made. If you're struggling/questioning, YOU CAN DO IT. Seek counseling. HUGS!!!
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In case you were wondering--yes! A spider CAN crawl in the sensor of a networked smoke detector and set them all off in your house at 3am.
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I got chills watching this Dumbo trailer, and am going to start doing the therapy work now for the uncontrollable sobbing I will probably do in the theater when it comes out next year.
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Whoa looks like that Kardashian/Jenner human pyramid scheme is really kicking into overdrive this week. When do they cage fight the Duggars?
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It destroys me to say that my dad died suddenly this morning. I miss him. Hug your family. They’re what’s most important.
#RIPBillyHardwick
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Btw
@Stranger_Things
&
@milliebbrown
is it weird that this was my Halloween costume last year? Tell the truth. FRIENDS DON'T LIE
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During the eclipse I assume most people will turn into mutants or a pile of red dust a la Night of the Comet, right?
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Oh Jesus I am crushed to hear about Robin Williams' passing. So fucking sad and surreal. Just awful.
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Mr. King, I would be happy to be your personal guide through this zombie odyssey. ALSO PLEASE COME ON MY SHOW
THE WALKING DEAD last night: Scary zombies! Even scarier, a sign for deep fried butter! BTW, just how did Michonne get out of the trunk?
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Thanks Pokemon Go for making me catch a Rhyhorn in a yogurt shop so I'd have to explain to 2 ladies that I wasn't photographing their kids
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Congratulations to Jodie Whittaker on becoming the 13th Doctor!!Fantastic actor & AMAZING addition to the Whoverse!
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Another cure for hangovers is not drinking. :)
#14Years
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Is it weird that is a regular sponsor of Investigation Discovery when 80% of the channel are couples who murder each other?
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NOOOO not Bill Paxton!!! That's awful! Truly one of the best actors. And sweet! He recited some Chet lines at
@Comic_Con
2013. Made my year.
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do I have 280 characters to type now I don't know it seems like there's more space now but gosh do I ramble on that reminds me of the time I told a looong story to a friend of mine who I thought was naked but turned out to be a circus pony life sure is weird when there's more roo
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Holy shitpants CONGRATULATIONS to
@JordanPeele
,
@emilyvgordon
, &
@kumailn
on their FUCKING OSCAR NOMS. Such good/talented/inspiring people who deserve all the success in the world. ❤️
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Hey
@midnight
is leaving forever in 2 weeks so watch the show tonight maybe! See
@travismcelroy
@griffinmcelroy
@JustinMcElroy
& ME.
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After I saw Deadpool I thought "This is amazing. How could they possibly pull this off again? I mean they must have exhausted all the comic book movie jokes!" And yet, DP2 looks fucking incredible.
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#RIPDavidBowie
who rocked the world w/ brilliance. All the condolences in the world to
@ManMadeMoon
and family. I'm so, so sorry, Duncan...
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Rick & Morty just got picked up for SEVENTY episodes. This is news that makes me very happy today. Can I have them all now?
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Hey I'll direct the Han Solo movie! I have zero directing experience & I'm VERY expensive. But I got TONS of Star Wars shirts!
#StayOnTarget
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GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! A NEW episode of Futurama is coming to
@nerdist
in podcast form! (and I'm in it!)
#Radiorama
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1) Slip and hit your head while hanging a clock 2) have vision for Flux Capacitor 3) Put FC in DeLorean 4) trade pinball parts for plutonium 5) invite dopey teenager to mall parking lot in the middle of the night 6) set time circuits 7) get in car and drive 88mph
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Holy shit Tilda Swinton would be an AMAZING Doctor! I hope this rumor is true. I support this 1000%!!!
#Tilda4TARDIS
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My dad would have been 74 today so I'm just throwing out a 🎳HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILLY HARDWICK🎳 into the universe. I miss him a lot!
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I know who it is! I know who it is!!! But I won't tell you until Sunday....
@WalkingDead_AMC
@FearTWD
@AMCTalkingDead
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THANK YOU to the 7.6 million people who watched
@AMCTalkingDead
Sunday! It was an honor getting soaked for you! 🌧💦😁
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Well I was ALREADY going to watch S2 but now I'm gonna DOUBLE WATCH. Thanks for the shout out!
Hey
@hardwick
. Since you're not a mouthbreather,
@milliebbrown
has a special spoiler for you.
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…again for 9 months, it showed me that even in the darkest times you never know what brilliant light is right around the corner. (2/2)
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Hurray! Someone’s trying to access my twitter account again! Knock it off, wieners...
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Tonight
@AMCTalkingDead
is on an hour later after the 2 hour season finale of
@FearTWD
! Guests:
@DebnamCarey
@RobertKirkman
& SURPRISE guest
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Tonight on
@AMCTalkingDead
the
@WalkingDead_AMC
x
@FearTWD
crossover character will be announced and live on the show!! See you in a bit!!
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Thank you to
@camerondeuel
&
@CSSully
for an amazing tour of the
@OriginalFunko
offices yesterday! There's a whole mess o' fun pics on my instagram account but here's my favorite:
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I love you
@rianjohnson
. I thought Last Jedi was INCREDIBLE. I *may* have had leaky eyes a few times during it. Thank you for making a wonderful
@starwars
film!!!
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Thank you
#Blizzcon2017
!! It was an honor to host community night! And congratulations to
@KazulGFox
& all the amazing artists & cosplayers!
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Conveniently, it could still be called "Talking Dead". Or if I can't get approval from AMC I'll go with "After Life".
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Is it weird that I get an actual tingle in my sex area when I expand to the scientific calculator on my desktop?
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Screw the VMAs.
@LydiaHearst
& I are going to watch Wes Craven's New Nightmare instead.
#RIPWes
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When Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" comes on I listen to it unironically. I may even sing along but quietly CUZ I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEEEEE MEEE
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Screw the Oscars! Watch the Eugenies tonight on
@AMCTalkingDead
! We're on in 30 min w/
@JoshMcDermitt
@austin_amelio
&
@LilJon
!
#WHAT
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Hot crumbs! It's Sportsball Sorting Hat Day!!! I hope your preferred footballing squad acquires that guy you like.
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Guys, your support for my dad is overwhelmingly sweet! On behalf of my step-mom Rebecca & the rest of my family, I cannot thank you enough.
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YESSSS
@LydiaHearst
bought me Skyrim for the Switch. I am excited to spend another year and a half shouting at dragons. Now if we could juuuuust get moving on porting Portal & Bioshock over there I'LL BE SET FOR LIFE.
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Besides my own ego w/ having my reach on Instagram cut by 50-75%, there are artists, creators, small businesses whom FB/Insta lured away from blogs/websites who will literally be DESTROYED by this algorithm shift. Not reaching their audience is devastating to them. It's serious.
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So there's a boxing bout in Vegas this weekend but I'm driving there to see
@SteveMartinToGo
& Martin Short! But 1st, BARSTOW!!
#luxury
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Oh my holy shitballs this looks incredible.
@ItsRamiMalek
YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR
The only thing more extraordinary than their music is their story. Watch the new
#BohemianRhapsody
teaser trailer now, in theaters November 2, 2018. Visit for a chance to have your voice added to a scene in the movie.
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Welp I'm officially old because WHAT DO ANY OF THESE WORDS MEAN??? Is this an incantation???
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Singing In The Rain Because I Sure As Fuck Don't Know How to Drive In It
#CaliforniaMovies
@midnight
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Lol oh Internet don't you ever take a holiday?? HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone ESPECIALLY this turkey grinch! Have a great day, all! 😀🦃🎉
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2 years ago today, my dad died. 2 years ago TOMORROW I met the woman I'm going to marry. Even though
@LydiaHearst
& I didn't meet...(1/2)
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What a weird, empty Sunday night w/o
@WalkingDead_AMC
&
@AMCTalkingDead
. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO
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So Pokemon Go got harder after the last update, right?? I've gone through more pokeballs and had more low levels escape.
#NotARealProblem
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