“Uh oh, I don’t want to have to put this incident in my daily report to the Easter Bunny tonight” . - phrase that seems to be working wonders on my three year old this week. #myhandsaretied #mustreport.

To anyone who swapped 10,000 bitcoins for a 2018 calendar in 2008, yes you backed the wrong horse, but at least today your misguided perseverance pays off and you start getting some value. Thoughts and prayers. To everyone else, just regular Happy New Year!.

Man it really is a bad time to be in the Fast-Cooked-Never-Pulled-Only-Sliced-Pork business.

Sorry guys, Andy bloody hacked my account! 🙄 Time slot info is spot on. and I guess i DO have a nice jacket on. Thanks for noticing mate!

Guys True Story on tonight 8:40 Ch 9. Hame looks so handsome!!.

Just called my dad and, for the first time in his life, the call came through to him on the iPad. Cue sheer pandemonium.

RT @mrtonymartin: Someone called @hamishblake joins us for the latest 'TEAM Effort':

Is it true there's no parking laws on Good Fridays? (Secondary question, does this Law Holiday also apply to tax return laws?).

Pancake Tuesday should be approx 100 days a year. I know that means some non Tuesdays will be called Tuesday but cmon we're grown ups.

1.Get into suit.2.Take selfie at beach with champagne.3.Tag #RachAndBen.4.Hey nice work everyone thinks you are at a cool wedding.5.Go home.

The tiny kids cars in front of supermarkets they want you to pay $1 to make move? VERY easily shakable with your arm. For $0. #dadhack.

Nothing gets you in the festive spirit like an automatically generated Xmas email from a real estate agent you rented through in 2009.

I've realised 93% of dadhood is doing something for the first time and simultaneously explaining in a loud voice "this is how we do THIS".

"Congratulations. You stayed up all night online and will now receive access to all life's secrets.". -what I guess I hope shows up at 5am.

Obama: Yes We Can. Trump: OMG Did We Really?.

Currently driving from US to Canada, traffic backed up for miles!! What's going on? Is there a big match or concert on? #confused.

Half a mil AND a snazzy wooden jungle themed cheque holder. Double win! #survivorAU.

I took this, I got Andy. #science!

RT @gogentle_aus: Comedian and radio star @hamishblake on why he is going to #BeTheBill. Join Hamish and Be The Bill at .

Whoops! Tardy tweet, on @HYBPA RIGHT NOW! #sloppy.