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@guantanamocafe

Followers
4,689
Following
1,222
Media
155
Statuses
12,656

spaghetti western

Los Angeles
Joined August 2011
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
5 months
I did the stanky leg in this suit last night
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
Went viral and they’re calling me the yassification of Fran Lebowitz…
@allahliker
jeff computers
10 months
this is my president
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
6 months
I can’t stand these losers posting fragrantica note pyramids with the perfume name cropped like they’re gatekeeping some esoteric treasure, especially when the fragrance is just “commodity milk”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
Fragrantica today
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 years
Kiss Each Other Clean
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
This photo of me and Till from Rammstein goes hard
@m0nster1111
♱ barbie reynolds ♱
4 months
já começamos mal
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
Watch my video / stream my single OR ELSE!
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 months
George Jones is literally smiling at you, you undeserving dumb fuck
@garlictoes_
big sandwich
10 months
This record store im at is genuinely insane how the fuck am i supposed to find anything
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
Thank you @lotus__point 🤍
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 months
I love my cat so much
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
2 months
No one knows how hard it is to be me… a tomboy with huge tits
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
Ooh and also ahh
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
5 months
This portrait of me is tonight’s Tool poster ❤️
@Tool
TOOL effing TOOL
5 months
We're in Oklahoma City, OK tonight at the @PaycomCenter with @beholdtheelder , don't forget to grab tonight's limited exclusive merch poster with art from Adam's wife, @korinfaught !
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
I love the word “ornery” because it sounds like “horny” (which is what I am) but it means “vile” (which is what I am)
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
5 months
My cat is so cute. Look at his little tongue
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
Unfortunately for the haters and losers I have been mentioned in VOGUE… ❤️
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Witnessed greatness today as two mush-brained girls asked the bookstore employee if R. Crumb was “like, a bad guy, or racist, or something” and he promptly alerted them that the store was “not a safe space” and that there would be no policing of ideas encouraged. My spirit soared
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
6 months
Bath time
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
Cover girl once more ⭐️ Thanks Ry
@ryandsimon
Ryan Simón
7 months
I’m switching up the cover of issue 2 with the next printing and there’s nothing you can do about it
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
Counterpoint haul
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 years
fuck anyone who deems nudity indecent. fuck anybody who demonizes sexuality/anything else that's perfectly natural. fuck your oppression.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
My childhood Christmas list including a motorcycle helmet, American flag, and love from Santa…
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 months
I am breaking my silence on the tepid, stillborn, and pointless film, Priscilla. I left the theatre completely dejected, even angry. It's a movie that is afraid of its own shadow, saying and doing nothing to stir the spirit or persuade you to care. Sad!
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
POINT BLANK
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
If you’re fat, you better have BEEN fat. If you GOT fat, I don’t respect you
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
When I am rocking two braids I am not doing it in a cute way I am doing it in a Robert Trujillo way, but you hoes wouldn’t know the difference
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
new Low Pony soon
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 years
consider the following: me
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
My new single + video is out today 🤍 Listen/watch “Jones”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 months
Accidentally walked into a “plant based” “cashless” “coffee shop” where two coffees cost $15, send the nukes
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
I’m like Humphrey Bogart if he had tits
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
The sun is out and I’m listening to The Eagles bitch (we are so back etc)
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 years
Why did I make this the other night and think it was really funny?
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Why don’t you go clean the kitchen, Lib man…
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
6 years
Every day that I wake up without bows tattooed on the back of my thighs is a good day.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 years
Rat: *runs in front of my car* Me: *has seen Ratatouille* *rat fan* *swerves and saves rat's life*
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
Just had a gorgeous Mexican dinner and the hostess was wearing Lutens La Fille de Berlin, leaving a beautiful trail throughout the restaurant lit up by Christmas lights… God provides
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 months
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 years
"Congratulations, you're Alexa Chung." - something stupid I just said to @alexa_chung
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
Lord forgive me, for I have simped
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Fragrance enthusiast Asian girlfriend, white newcomer boyfriend come into the store to shop for him. I ask what he likes... She says, “orientals.” I exercised great restraint in not absolutely erupting
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
2 months
Every time my boyfriend answers the phone he says the name of the caller, and it’s always some ridiculous character. “Dr. Carl.” “Bags.” “Sluggo.”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
Everyone shut up I’m smoking weed and watching Sopranos at 9am
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
6 months
Watching A Hard Day’s Night 🤍
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 months
Just tried to text someone “deadass” and it autocorrected to “Fracas”… that is so me
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Home at my dad’s for Christmas where the presents are 500 rounds of ammunition and a carton of cigarettes, and putting someone in a headlock is as good as “I love you”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 months
This is my type
@two0ate
Dingbat
3 months
Activism
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
Cookie and milky
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 months
Back here again… Infographics posted by the Dumbest Person You’ve Ever Met
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 years
Emo Nite but it's just me in my room chain smoking and listening to The Used
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
6 years
Me, pretending I have the slightest will to live:
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 months
Buy American Vulgaria and also my Low Pony tee
@ryandsimon
Ryan Simón
9 months
I’ve got 2 copies of issue 2 and a couple handfuls of issue 1 left — get them here:
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
You either die Marilyn Manson or live long enough to see yourself become Marilyn Manson
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Never letting go
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
2 months
They’re in your headlights. They’re in your street lamps. They’re in your kitchen. And they make me want to die. LEDs… they’re ruining the world…
@dash_eats
dasha
2 months
The only good and poetically sound reason to self immolate is the incandescent bulb ban but people really really not ready for that conversation
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
2 months
Sun is out and I’m listening to “Arizona” from the 2007 Kings of Leon masterpiece record Because of the Times
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
My new pink lady
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
@PYeerk That’s Oliver, he’s the best
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Some are born perfume pilled... some achieve perfume pilled... some have perfume pilled thrust upon them...
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
@allahliker I won’t let you down
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 months
Me trying to minimize my belongings: “Hey man, do you want a statue of a clown playing the saxophone?”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Portion control is for losers and cowards and that ain’t me
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 years
photos by @caryfagan . girl by @marilynmanson .
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Someone just texted me a picture of their huge jugs and said “sorry, that was for another Scout.” Honey, I’m not stupid. There is no other Scout. Nice jugs
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 years
unfollowing people is a good way to let them know that they're fuckin irrelevant and unwelcome in your utopian cyber reality
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 years
2 emo 2 live, 2 emo 2 die?
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
People who love and rely heavily on sarcasm and irony are typically cowards
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
5 years
@timid_housewife @FunKelly A child once pointed at my face and said “what is that”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 years
Y'all ever just sit and think about how fucked up zoos are?
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Penitence Now!
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
11 years
Absolutely repulsed by the lack of acceptance and love in this world.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
2 years
Coffee shop girl said “cool outfit” then “cool name” and then “it’s on the house” all in total monotone… I love her
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
I’m the cover girl and you should buy it just for that
@ryandsimon
Ryan Simón
1 year
Got your mags and more on the way
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
Dad’s 60th birthday dinner. Waiter asks how he wants his ribeye. He says “cut the horns off and wipe it’s ass”
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
If you and your romantic partner don’t look like brother and sister it’s curtains for you bitch
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 months
Just drove past a young blonde with her hair in rollers, applying mascara in her car mirror. We will prevail
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
Cancel culture is CANCELLED
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
Someone messaged me a link to their shitty new music video and said “hope this puts a smile on your face.” No, sir, it does not. It brings me great displeasure.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Special delivery
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
A cloud of dust, a ray of light
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
11 years
@YaaBishhDri Absolutely disgusting.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
I used to have “depression” and then one day I decided to just stop being a little faggot
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
1 year
I love my new noise cancelling earbuds and my house is always unlocked if you want to come shoot me in the back
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
5 years
I wish I had the Don’t Eat For 3 Days And Write 20 Songs kind of depression but instead I got the Giant Slice Of Chocolate Cake At 11AM Followed By Crying In The Bathroom At Work kind
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
4 years
I dun did a lot of corny shit in my day but I will never be caught on my instagram story with a sticker over my latest post... ya’ll clownin
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
My cat is chilling so hard it’s insane
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 years
i'm on a plane, bound for London, and I consumed cannabis candy that I think wants to kill me
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 years
I need a wardrobe allowance of about $5,000 a month. Where my sugar daddy at?
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
9 years
I booked a national commercial. #kewl #success
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
10 years
If you don't wanna just live in That 70's Show, you're wrong.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Watching all you hoes who voted for Biden complain about him is so fuckin funny
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
7 years
"I love music." - Chick at a concert. Unbelievable.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
8 years
I got a lap dance whilst crying last night.
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@guantanamocafe
Scout
3 years
Ugly, mismatched lingerie combos are so dastardly... If your bra has nothing to do with your panty, you are sick and twisted, your carelessness poisons this world. Have you any intention? Have you a soul? You betray beauty and glamour. Basta!
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