Scout
@guantanamocafe
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4,689
Following
1,222
Media
155
Statuses
12,656
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Went viral and they’re calling me the yassification of Fran Lebowitz…
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I can’t stand these losers posting fragrantica note pyramids with the perfume name cropped like they’re gatekeeping some esoteric treasure, especially when the fragrance is just “commodity milk”
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This photo of me and Till from Rammstein goes hard
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George Jones is literally smiling at you, you undeserving dumb fuck
This record store im at is genuinely insane how the fuck am i supposed to find anything
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This portrait of me is tonight’s Tool poster ❤️
We're in Oklahoma City, OK tonight at the
@PaycomCenter
with
@beholdtheelder
, don't forget to grab tonight's limited exclusive merch poster with art from Adam's wife,
@korinfaught
!
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I love the word “ornery” because it sounds like “horny” (which is what I am) but it means “vile” (which is what I am)
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Unfortunately for the haters and losers I have been mentioned in VOGUE… ❤️
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Witnessed greatness today as two mush-brained girls asked the bookstore employee if R. Crumb was “like, a bad guy, or racist, or something” and he promptly alerted them that the store was “not a safe space” and that there would be no policing of ideas encouraged. My spirit soared
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Cover girl once more ⭐️ Thanks Ry
I’m switching up the cover of issue 2 with the next printing and there’s nothing you can do about it
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fuck anyone who deems nudity indecent. fuck anybody who demonizes sexuality/anything else that's perfectly natural. fuck your oppression.
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My childhood Christmas list including a motorcycle helmet, American flag, and love from Santa…
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I am breaking my silence on the tepid, stillborn, and pointless film, Priscilla. I left the theatre completely dejected, even angry. It's a movie that is afraid of its own shadow, saying and doing nothing to stir the spirit or persuade you to care. Sad!
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If you’re fat, you better have BEEN fat. If you GOT fat, I don’t respect you
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When I am rocking two braids I am not doing it in a cute way I am doing it in a Robert Trujillo way, but you hoes wouldn’t know the difference
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Accidentally walked into a “plant based” “cashless” “coffee shop” where two coffees cost $15, send the nukes
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The sun is out and I’m listening to The Eagles bitch (we are so back etc)
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Why did I make this the other night and think it was really funny?
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Every day that I wake up without bows tattooed on the back of my thighs is a good day.
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Rat: *runs in front of my car*
Me: *has seen Ratatouille* *rat fan* *swerves and saves rat's life*
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Just had a gorgeous Mexican dinner and the hostess was wearing Lutens La Fille de Berlin, leaving a beautiful trail throughout the restaurant lit up by Christmas lights… God provides
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Fragrance enthusiast Asian girlfriend, white newcomer boyfriend come into the store to shop for him. I ask what he likes... She says, “orientals.” I exercised great restraint in not absolutely erupting
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Every time my boyfriend answers the phone he says the name of the caller, and it’s always some ridiculous character. “Dr. Carl.” “Bags.” “Sluggo.”
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Just tried to text someone “deadass” and it autocorrected to “Fracas”… that is so me
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Home at my dad’s for Christmas where the presents are 500 rounds of ammunition and a carton of cigarettes, and putting someone in a headlock is as good as “I love you”
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Back here again… Infographics posted by the Dumbest Person You’ve Ever Met
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Emo Nite but it's just me in my room chain smoking and listening to The Used
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Buy American Vulgaria and also my Low Pony tee
I’ve got 2 copies of issue 2 and a couple handfuls of issue 1 left — get them here:
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You either die Marilyn Manson or live long enough to see yourself become Marilyn Manson
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They’re in your headlights. They’re in your street lamps. They’re in your kitchen. And they make me want to die.
LEDs… they’re ruining the world…
The only good and poetically sound reason to self immolate is the incandescent bulb ban but people really really not ready for that conversation
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Sun is out and I’m listening to “Arizona” from the 2007 Kings of Leon masterpiece record Because of the Times
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Some are born perfume pilled... some achieve perfume pilled... some have perfume pilled thrust upon them...
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Me trying to minimize my belongings:
“Hey man, do you want a statue of a clown playing the saxophone?”
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Someone just texted me a picture of their huge jugs and said “sorry, that was for another Scout.” Honey, I’m not stupid. There is no other Scout. Nice jugs
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unfollowing people is a good way to let them know that they're fuckin irrelevant and unwelcome in your utopian cyber reality
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People who love and rely heavily on sarcasm and irony are typically cowards
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Absolutely repulsed by the lack of acceptance and love in this world.
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Coffee shop girl said “cool outfit” then “cool name” and then “it’s on the house” all in total monotone… I love her
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I’m the cover girl and you should buy it just for that
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Dad’s 60th birthday dinner. Waiter asks how he wants his ribeye. He says “cut the horns off and wipe it’s ass”
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If you and your romantic partner don’t look like brother and sister it’s curtains for you bitch
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Just drove past a young blonde with her hair in rollers, applying mascara in her car mirror. We will prevail
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Someone messaged me a link to their shitty new music video and said “hope this puts a smile on your face.” No, sir, it does not. It brings me great displeasure.
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I used to have “depression” and then one day I decided to just stop being a little faggot
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I love my new noise cancelling earbuds and my house is always unlocked if you want to come shoot me in the back
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I wish I had the Don’t Eat For 3 Days And Write 20 Songs kind of depression but instead I got the Giant Slice Of Chocolate Cake At 11AM Followed By Crying In The Bathroom At Work kind
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I dun did a lot of corny shit in my day but I will never be caught on my instagram story with a sticker over my latest post... ya’ll clownin
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i'm on a plane, bound for London, and I consumed cannabis candy that I think wants to kill me
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I need a wardrobe allowance of about $5,000 a month. Where my sugar daddy at?
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Watching all you hoes who voted for Biden complain about him is so fuckin funny
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Ugly, mismatched lingerie combos are so dastardly... If your bra has nothing to do with your panty, you are sick and twisted, your carelessness poisons this world. Have you any intention? Have you a soul? You betray beauty and glamour. Basta!
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