Ayo, @AldiUK every time I buy new sweeteners from you, the trigger gets stuck. It's proper annoying AF. Can you look into fixing it? Thanks 😘

Blatantly caught out @grok lying to be. I even ran it through chatGPT who confirmed the contradiction.

As I lay dying

Apparently there was a spider in the car that pulled up outside my house last night.

Just chilling by the pool in Cyprus and noticed @Rylan picture on the sign ⚠️

Wondering if @NadavRosen made it home tonight.

Well that was a waste of time. #Growingsuccess #catrepellent

Ayo, @Corey_Feldman . When you bring the tour to the UK?

This is an open message to any dentists. When I say my tooth is excruciating to the touch, please fucking take my word for it. Don't then hit it with a bit of stainless steel and ask if that hurts. Yes it fucking hurts! Hitting any tooth with a bit of metal hurts. Just stop it.

Thanks #SuicideSilence for spending 556 minutes with me in 2022. I couldn’t stop listening to Love Me to Death. #SpotifyWrapped

It's not the heat that bothers me during a heatwave. It's all the weirdos that come crawling out of the woodwork. Normally you can hear a pin drop where I live. However, over the weekend it's like someone left the door open at Broadmoor.

I dreamt that I met Trent Reznor, from Nine Inch Nails, on his way into a fish & chip shop. I was standing outside and was starstruck. I said hello and he told me to fuck off. #nin

£7.25 for a tub of Lurpak! Thank god I'm lactose intolerant.

*from Manchester to Bulgaria

Anyone who is flying to Manchester to Bulgaria with TUI on Friday, it's cancelled.

Thank you, Cannibal Corpse, for spending 608 minutes with me this year on @Spotify. You are my #1. #SpotifyWrapped

WANNA GET DRAWN FOR FREE?? 🖍️🔥 custom Drawtism #shitpic giveaway! (worth over $150) to qualify and enter: 1️⃣ Follow me 2️⃣ Like & Retweet this post ....thats it! how fvcking easy was that! winner will be annouced tomorrow. Good Luck!🍻

I hope those 3 wolfes didn't survive #FortniteSeason8

I'm not one to boast but the window was open and I farted so loud I scared the birds off from the garden. #fart

I dreamt that I met a drunk and topless Boris Johnson in a pub. He was on his own. He told me his money smells of washing up liquid. He pulled out some loose change and it did smell of washing up liquid. #BorisJohnson #washingupliquid #dreams